Have You Ever ....

...felt so happy and amazed that you've cried ?

Oh dearrrrr me lol..... if you have a weak stomach look away now because I'm about to get sickening again...dont say I didnt warn ya...

Josh, this is for you babe.

I thought I knew all there was to know about being in a relationship with someone.

I thought there was only a distance any man could reach with me, before he came to a dead stop at my impenetrable wall, giving him no choice but to linger on the outside the rest of our time together.

Boyfriends ( and a fiance ) have been and gone and the wall has remained strong and intact. They gave up on penetrating it not long after butting heads with it and I let them, maybe even encouraged them to give up and we'd just resign ourselves to living on opposite sides of it.

And I resigned myself to the possibility that no one would ever have the courage and the fortitude to take a chisel to it or throw over a rope ladder fashioned out of trust and climb over to me. Even whilst I issued protestations and deployed other evasive methods out of a fear that feels as though it's existed in my soul long before I was even born.

But this was what I 'thought' I knew.
Until I met you.
And the amazement I feel springs from the realization that not only do I feel safe with you coming to me on my side of the wall ....I welcome you like a parched, dry-mouthed desert traveller would welcome a deep fresh-water spring. You've awoken so many beautiful emotions inside of me. You hold long hidden facets of my psyche softly in your cupped warm hands and reassure me there's nothing ugly or wrong there, that theres no need to hide them from you. It feels so raw and delicate but the cool air you're blowing on it all is a soothing balm.

Its always been about the other person in the past so its all strange and new having someone make me feel this special and happy.
My automatic response is to turn it around and focus on you, lavish affection and love on you but when you stop me and tell me " This is for you" ... and I paused and realized that I could accept it all, as it is ... on its own ...without guilt....it flicked on a switch somewhere. It was an invisible gift, one that no one has given me before.

I just keep on falling even deeper in love with you. It feels like an endless, wonderful fall into a sparkling nirvana.
Yesterday my emotions just bubbled to the surface in the only way they could at that moment; tears.
Yeah, you're spending your days and sharin your heart with a weird, strange girly... get used to that fact because ( as I tell ya on a regular basis ) I'm stickin to ya like Tarzan Grip bebe lol.
You are the most amazing man, babe, and you have my heart completely. You truly do make this world brighter and warmer and I know we could do anything together in it.
I love you honey.

Love T xxxooo