Was pondering on our trip to Europe this March and how to beef up the equipment so that I can make the most of the photographic ops whilst we're there.
So I'm makin myself a little backup list of supplies to get instead of not having a Nikon D70/D50 to play with...( which would be awesome but oh well, shit happens ).
* Let's start with the obvious- lots of color ( Velvia ) and b&w film ( Tri-Max 400 or Ilford )
* A Holga camera.
* A cheapo tripod ( I have one at home that I SHOULD have bought with me to Toronto )
* Circular polarizer
* Filters : Blue, didymium, red, green and orange, moonlight blue ( Hoya range ), Neutral density filters ( list goes on, I'll be happy with one or three of those ).
* A flash
* Cable release
Hmmmm, that list adds up, then add the cost to process all the film afterwards and we got ourselves a doozy of a bill. Yet, if I get some awesome shots in Europe it will be worth it. Afterall, I am taking it for granted that I just may not get BACK to Europe for another shoot, should my first lot of photos turn out sub-par.
Hey, I may get to go back.... I'm not ruling that out, but I'm gonna treat this as my 'one time'.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Little Boys With Big Guns
For those who didnt hear, there was YET ANOTHER shooting in Toronto on Boxing Day.
Shooting in Toronto
Right in the heart of the downtown shopping district, in amongst the Boxing Day Sales crowd, some young idiots decided to open fire.
A 15 year old girl, out shopping for bargains with a parent, was killed when one of the bullets hit her in the head. Quite a few others were injured in the rain of random bullets.
I feel so angry and, at the same time, I am on the verge of tears because this poor innocent girl was cut down, she was simply out with her mum or dad and probably spending the money she got for xmas....! How horribly awful for her parent to watch their child just randomly, senselessly killed right in front of them.
Now she's dead. And the stupid fucks that decided it would be manly, it would be fun to shoot into a crowd probably dont give a shit at all.
When I heard there was another shooting I simply rolled my eyes and shook my head. There's been so MANY shootings in this city since I've been here and 99 % of the time its been 'gang shootings'. I instantly presumed this was another gang related incident.
I've always been pretty at ease walking around Melbourne. Some might say almost too confident but my 'danger signal' is finely tuned and I know when to be super cautious when I've been walking in the city or wherever back home.
I used to walk around in Bourke Street Mall and surrounding streets at night with no fear at all of being SHOT AT for gods sake ! Or injured in any other way. And I hope it stays that way...
In Toronto, however, I've gotten to the stage where I don't feel too safe even walking around in daylight, downtown. Let alone travelling alone to any other spot here. Toronto is a great city and I don't mean to 'bash' my adopted city but no one can really blame me for feeling uneasy.
I was planning on going downtown on Boxing Day, around that area where the shooting occurred, to do some shopping. Luckily I didnt go eh....
Once I was waiting for Josh outside a store. I was outside taking photos of the surrounding buildings and I was approached twice by men, one who hung around for no reason asking me questions. My hackles raised because I sensed he was up to no good. At that same time, a metre away from me was another guy, standing there. Again, I sensed something from him too. The two didnt appear to know each other but nontheless, each had their own agenda and I knew it. Josh came out of the store and we started walking past the second guy when he asked us for a ciggarette. We shook our heads and continued walking and he started to smartmouth us, following us. Josh immediantly went into 'work mode'. We finally lost the guy after a block and it was from there that the notion solidified that this particular Dorothy wasnt in Kansas anymore.
Another time, the day before we flew out to New Orleans we were sitting down on the pavement having a smoke before we went in to catch our train up to Josh's friends place. Sitting beside our luggage, we were minding our own business when some young punk with a bandana approached us and asked us for a smoke. Then he proceeded to stand there over us and grilled Josh.
" Hey, dont I know you "?
Josh remained calm and replied he didnt think so.
"Whats your name man. I know you. I know your face, yeah....."
The questions continued. He asked Josh if he was a cop and he was acting a little agitated and determined to figure out where exactly he knew Josh from. And it wasnt leading anywhere friendly. Josh encounters this problem a lot, considering the line of work he's in so Josh had been through this before and knew how to respond. The guy had something in his pocket and had his hand in there,playing with whatever it was. His stance was one of someone who was considering fastly whether to use the pocket item on Josh and run. Both Josh and my 'danger signals' were on high alert, needless to say. The kid also made note of me, telling Josh I looked like Alanis Morrisette ( what the fuck ! I was considering pulling something out of MY pocket and using it on him just for that !). I knew this comment was made to let Josh know that he had gotten a good look at his girl, for futures sake. We finally said we had a train to catch and 'see ya later mate' and we walked inside.
I remained calm, like Josh, but inside I was a little shaky. The calm facade was needed, akin to a situation when you're dealing with an agitated animal. NO sudden movvvvves.
To the ppl of Toronto, don't let your city continue on it's path to New York/LA status.
To these little boys running around with big guns thinking they're men because they're oh-so-tough and can shoot ppl, may their karma turn around to bite them so hard on the ass.
I just don't get how they think they're tough when all they do is apply pressure on a trigger with their finger. If they need to prove so badly that they're big tough guys, why cant they put away their weapons and go hand to hand combat.....with each other..... farrrrr away from anyone else.
Very far.
Mars, in fact.
Can Nasa hurry up and make that planet somewhat liveable so these punk thugs can go fuck off there ?
While we're at it, can we send a few politician fat-cats while we're at it ?
Oh and Ashley Simpson/Lindsay Lohan and co. can be missiled off as well.
Shooting in Toronto
Right in the heart of the downtown shopping district, in amongst the Boxing Day Sales crowd, some young idiots decided to open fire.
A 15 year old girl, out shopping for bargains with a parent, was killed when one of the bullets hit her in the head. Quite a few others were injured in the rain of random bullets.
I feel so angry and, at the same time, I am on the verge of tears because this poor innocent girl was cut down, she was simply out with her mum or dad and probably spending the money she got for xmas....! How horribly awful for her parent to watch their child just randomly, senselessly killed right in front of them.
Now she's dead. And the stupid fucks that decided it would be manly, it would be fun to shoot into a crowd probably dont give a shit at all.
When I heard there was another shooting I simply rolled my eyes and shook my head. There's been so MANY shootings in this city since I've been here and 99 % of the time its been 'gang shootings'. I instantly presumed this was another gang related incident.
I've always been pretty at ease walking around Melbourne. Some might say almost too confident but my 'danger signal' is finely tuned and I know when to be super cautious when I've been walking in the city or wherever back home.
I used to walk around in Bourke Street Mall and surrounding streets at night with no fear at all of being SHOT AT for gods sake ! Or injured in any other way. And I hope it stays that way...
In Toronto, however, I've gotten to the stage where I don't feel too safe even walking around in daylight, downtown. Let alone travelling alone to any other spot here. Toronto is a great city and I don't mean to 'bash' my adopted city but no one can really blame me for feeling uneasy.
I was planning on going downtown on Boxing Day, around that area where the shooting occurred, to do some shopping. Luckily I didnt go eh....
Once I was waiting for Josh outside a store. I was outside taking photos of the surrounding buildings and I was approached twice by men, one who hung around for no reason asking me questions. My hackles raised because I sensed he was up to no good. At that same time, a metre away from me was another guy, standing there. Again, I sensed something from him too. The two didnt appear to know each other but nontheless, each had their own agenda and I knew it. Josh came out of the store and we started walking past the second guy when he asked us for a ciggarette. We shook our heads and continued walking and he started to smartmouth us, following us. Josh immediantly went into 'work mode'. We finally lost the guy after a block and it was from there that the notion solidified that this particular Dorothy wasnt in Kansas anymore.
Another time, the day before we flew out to New Orleans we were sitting down on the pavement having a smoke before we went in to catch our train up to Josh's friends place. Sitting beside our luggage, we were minding our own business when some young punk with a bandana approached us and asked us for a smoke. Then he proceeded to stand there over us and grilled Josh.
" Hey, dont I know you "?
Josh remained calm and replied he didnt think so.
"Whats your name man. I know you. I know your face, yeah....."
The questions continued. He asked Josh if he was a cop and he was acting a little agitated and determined to figure out where exactly he knew Josh from. And it wasnt leading anywhere friendly. Josh encounters this problem a lot, considering the line of work he's in so Josh had been through this before and knew how to respond. The guy had something in his pocket and had his hand in there,playing with whatever it was. His stance was one of someone who was considering fastly whether to use the pocket item on Josh and run. Both Josh and my 'danger signals' were on high alert, needless to say. The kid also made note of me, telling Josh I looked like Alanis Morrisette ( what the fuck ! I was considering pulling something out of MY pocket and using it on him just for that !). I knew this comment was made to let Josh know that he had gotten a good look at his girl, for futures sake. We finally said we had a train to catch and 'see ya later mate' and we walked inside.
I remained calm, like Josh, but inside I was a little shaky. The calm facade was needed, akin to a situation when you're dealing with an agitated animal. NO sudden movvvvves.
To the ppl of Toronto, don't let your city continue on it's path to New York/LA status.
To these little boys running around with big guns thinking they're men because they're oh-so-tough and can shoot ppl, may their karma turn around to bite them so hard on the ass.
I just don't get how they think they're tough when all they do is apply pressure on a trigger with their finger. If they need to prove so badly that they're big tough guys, why cant they put away their weapons and go hand to hand combat.....with each other..... farrrrr away from anyone else.
Very far.
Mars, in fact.
Can Nasa hurry up and make that planet somewhat liveable so these punk thugs can go fuck off there ?
While we're at it, can we send a few politician fat-cats while we're at it ?
Oh and Ashley Simpson/Lindsay Lohan and co. can be missiled off as well.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
I Wish You...
...A Merry Happy Chrismukkah !!!
I'm all by me lonesome today, which doesnt bother me. My other half is workin 9 am until 9 pm today. I'm just sittin here drinkin a Baileys on ice, candles flickering nearby and the sound of the little electric heater blowing heat into the room.
Thought I'd be sick today as I had a bad headcold that hit me on Friday night but I made myself a honey lemon tea and I instantly felt 90 % back to normal. I knew the mixture was good but to go from dripping nose, sneezing every other minute, watery eyes, sinus pressure etc to good as gold the minute I finish drinking it ?! Wow !
That's some gooooooood shit.
All I do is fill one third of the cup with fresh lemon juice, pour in boiling water and mix a teaspoon of honey in. Forget about the cold and flu remedies out there, try the natural cure.
Josh and I celebrated last night, Chrismukkah Eve. I baked some chicken in a nice herb sauce and Josh made his unbelievably good potatoes. I groan with yumminess everytime I eat them, best potatoes I've ever had. We exchanged pressies. I got him a stand-in discman ( until I can get him the Ipod ) and he got me a sleek, sexy portfolio for me to showcase my photographs in. I love it !
The man has taste.
Missing the family xmas celebrations back home where we drink Ricadonna with mums strawberries marinated in brandy mixture. We'd get giggly tipsy before xmas lunch and in a fantastic mood. Merry Xmas to my girls back home, we'll take a raincheck on the xmas thing until next year.
Hope Santa was good to you !
I'm all by me lonesome today, which doesnt bother me. My other half is workin 9 am until 9 pm today. I'm just sittin here drinkin a Baileys on ice, candles flickering nearby and the sound of the little electric heater blowing heat into the room.
Thought I'd be sick today as I had a bad headcold that hit me on Friday night but I made myself a honey lemon tea and I instantly felt 90 % back to normal. I knew the mixture was good but to go from dripping nose, sneezing every other minute, watery eyes, sinus pressure etc to good as gold the minute I finish drinking it ?! Wow !
That's some gooooooood shit.
All I do is fill one third of the cup with fresh lemon juice, pour in boiling water and mix a teaspoon of honey in. Forget about the cold and flu remedies out there, try the natural cure.
Josh and I celebrated last night, Chrismukkah Eve. I baked some chicken in a nice herb sauce and Josh made his unbelievably good potatoes. I groan with yumminess everytime I eat them, best potatoes I've ever had. We exchanged pressies. I got him a stand-in discman ( until I can get him the Ipod ) and he got me a sleek, sexy portfolio for me to showcase my photographs in. I love it !
The man has taste.
Missing the family xmas celebrations back home where we drink Ricadonna with mums strawberries marinated in brandy mixture. We'd get giggly tipsy before xmas lunch and in a fantastic mood. Merry Xmas to my girls back home, we'll take a raincheck on the xmas thing until next year.
Hope Santa was good to you !
Monday, December 19, 2005
Who Were You In High School ?
So I went and took one of those junk quenstionaires...
I don't think the 'weirdness factor' has decreased with age...
| Arty Kid |
 Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique. You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented! |
I don't think the 'weirdness factor' has decreased with age...
Sunday, December 11, 2005
A belated Happy Aniversary post.
I havent paid much attention to my blog of late so now that I am paying it some attention...
HAPPY 1st Anniversay babe !!!
Our one year anniversay was last Sunday, the 4th of December. It was one year ago, on that date, that Josh arrived in Melbourne and we met face to face for the first time. I still remember that first meeting of eyes so vividly in my mind. I opened the door and fell into his gorgeous chocolate brown eyes and thought " Oh god yeah, he's a spunk " !
Haha.
He was putting his bags down and talking to me, his voice a little shaky from tiredness and maybe some nerves and all I could think of was kissing him. So I just walked over to him and stopped him mid-sentence by doing just that.
His parents organized an engagement party for us last Sunday and I asked them if they knew it was also our anniversay that day. They didnt know, it was just a coincidence that they chose that day of all days to throw an engagement party for us !
Family members flew in from Boston, LA, Phillidelphia, all over, to attend the party. Josh's parents hired caterers and waitresses for the night and the food theme was Thai. The food was very delicious ! Some of Josh's friends were there also. It was a great night. Josh and I were exhausted by the end of it though, from all the talking, to being pulled here and there to meet ppl etc.
Josh's mum is starting to feel it, starting to miss us already, obviously moreso Josh in particular. She has been getting teary and asking us to make sure we come back after a year of living back in Australia. The 4th December was no exception. She was watching me get ready in the bathroom before the party and pulled me into an embrace and started to cry a little. I got teary too. They feel like my family now, well they ARE my family now and I am going to miss them so much. It feels like when I left my family in Australia to come here. It's bittersweet.
At one point, before the party, I was standing at one end of the dining table and she at the other and we were both admiring the table being dressed so beautifully. She beckoned me over smiling and pulled me into a hug and said " This is to honour you..."
I wish more then anything that I could pick up both families and just put us all in one place. I really, really do...
Babe, I've said it before and I'll never tire of saying it as it's how I feel...I am the luckiest girl in the world because I have your heart. You come home at the end of a tiring day at work and cook for me, if I'm at work and you're not, you make sure I come home to cuddles and kisses and a hot meal. You are constantly here for me and give me more cuddles and kisses then I know what to do with, you listen and are interested in anything I have to say, regardless of how much of it is 'girl-talk', you are forever spoiling me with pedicures,manicures, backrubs, laughter, flowers.....Every single day you make me feel as if I'm the most beautiful, interesting, talented girl in the world. You make me feel as if my dreams and passions arent foolish and that I can fulfill them and do it well.
One thing my mum always told me: marry your best friend. Besides my family, you are my best friend and I cant wait to marry you and grow old with you.
HAPPY 1st Anniversay babe !!!
Our one year anniversay was last Sunday, the 4th of December. It was one year ago, on that date, that Josh arrived in Melbourne and we met face to face for the first time. I still remember that first meeting of eyes so vividly in my mind. I opened the door and fell into his gorgeous chocolate brown eyes and thought " Oh god yeah, he's a spunk " !
Haha.
He was putting his bags down and talking to me, his voice a little shaky from tiredness and maybe some nerves and all I could think of was kissing him. So I just walked over to him and stopped him mid-sentence by doing just that.
His parents organized an engagement party for us last Sunday and I asked them if they knew it was also our anniversay that day. They didnt know, it was just a coincidence that they chose that day of all days to throw an engagement party for us !
Family members flew in from Boston, LA, Phillidelphia, all over, to attend the party. Josh's parents hired caterers and waitresses for the night and the food theme was Thai. The food was very delicious ! Some of Josh's friends were there also. It was a great night. Josh and I were exhausted by the end of it though, from all the talking, to being pulled here and there to meet ppl etc.
Josh's mum is starting to feel it, starting to miss us already, obviously moreso Josh in particular. She has been getting teary and asking us to make sure we come back after a year of living back in Australia. The 4th December was no exception. She was watching me get ready in the bathroom before the party and pulled me into an embrace and started to cry a little. I got teary too. They feel like my family now, well they ARE my family now and I am going to miss them so much. It feels like when I left my family in Australia to come here. It's bittersweet.
At one point, before the party, I was standing at one end of the dining table and she at the other and we were both admiring the table being dressed so beautifully. She beckoned me over smiling and pulled me into a hug and said " This is to honour you..."
I wish more then anything that I could pick up both families and just put us all in one place. I really, really do...
Babe, I've said it before and I'll never tire of saying it as it's how I feel...I am the luckiest girl in the world because I have your heart. You come home at the end of a tiring day at work and cook for me, if I'm at work and you're not, you make sure I come home to cuddles and kisses and a hot meal. You are constantly here for me and give me more cuddles and kisses then I know what to do with, you listen and are interested in anything I have to say, regardless of how much of it is 'girl-talk', you are forever spoiling me with pedicures,manicures, backrubs, laughter, flowers.....Every single day you make me feel as if I'm the most beautiful, interesting, talented girl in the world. You make me feel as if my dreams and passions arent foolish and that I can fulfill them and do it well.
One thing my mum always told me: marry your best friend. Besides my family, you are my best friend and I cant wait to marry you and grow old with you.
Silence Amidst Snowfall
Well, last day before I become 'smoke-free' and although I know that the withdrawls are gonna blow and my mood is not gonna be the best because of aforementioned state of withdrawl, I really am ready to get off the ciggarettes.
I went to gym this morning, worked out on the elliptical (cross-trainer) machine for a grand total of 5 minutes before my breathing got so bad that I got off and walked to the stretch area, fearing I was gonna pass out.
Lol oh god I've never been that unfit before.
I did 10 mins of yoga and we were standing against the wall doing some form of 'yoga' moves and I just couldnt get my breathing right and felt a little nauseous. So I called it a day and proceeded to walk home.
It was gently snowing outside yet it wasnt cold. Snow covered everything, yet it felt as if it was a comfortable 18- 20 degrees celcius outside. Coulda been that I was still warm from gym but I didnt wear gloves at all during the 20 minute walk and my hands never felt cold.
I came to the cemetary and entered the white, peaceful world inside. I could hear the traffic on the main road running beside the cemetary but it was if I was encapsulated in a beautiful, quiet snowglobe. Snow blanketed the gravestones, here and there flowers stood defiantley through the fluffy substance. As I walked, a feeling of peace and wonder enveloped me. Big snowflakes fell down in the air around me, some coming to rest on my newly colored dark red hair, on my eyelashes, on my cheeks. I watched them silently float down around me, studied their different patterns, musing on how beautiful and unique each snowflake was. Every now and then a snowflake would float onto my lower lip and melt in an instant, my tongue sliding out to taste it.
And I felt good because I was living out an adventure. I was doing something with my life and experiencing the big wide world. There were so many moments in my life where I thought I'd never get out of bed again, never leave the house. Days where I would walk into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror, at the dark circles beneath my eyes, my sallow, puffy skin, my hair askew in every direction. Life, at those times, seeming to take more energy to live it then I could muster and I would think " I'm become such a mess, here I go again with pulling myself back together..." and I would feel as if I didnt have the energy to do it again....
But I always found the will from somewhere...pulled myself out of the big, black hole, dusted myself off and walked back to the party...
And here I am, living and working in North America, about to experience another of the things on my life ' To-Do' list; celebrating a white xmas like the white xmas's seen in movies. Where the characters drink eggnog, go ice-skating amidst beautiful xmas lights, fall on their ass on the snow,laughing.
The life 'To-Do' list is evergrowing and I don't think it will ever be completed but the fact that I'm checking stuff off on it feels great.
I wanna leave this plane knowing I did something kind cool, that my life was full and colorful and interesting.
Right now I'm thinking of hanging out with Tibetan monks for a while....wanna come along ?
Back to Toronto, this photo reminds me of ' The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe'. The Narnia Chronicles were a childhood favourite of mine and I cant wait to see the movie. I walk past this lion on my walk home from work.
A sunflower in the cemetary, again the one I walk through on my walk home from work.
I went to gym this morning, worked out on the elliptical (cross-trainer) machine for a grand total of 5 minutes before my breathing got so bad that I got off and walked to the stretch area, fearing I was gonna pass out.
Lol oh god I've never been that unfit before.
I did 10 mins of yoga and we were standing against the wall doing some form of 'yoga' moves and I just couldnt get my breathing right and felt a little nauseous. So I called it a day and proceeded to walk home.
It was gently snowing outside yet it wasnt cold. Snow covered everything, yet it felt as if it was a comfortable 18- 20 degrees celcius outside. Coulda been that I was still warm from gym but I didnt wear gloves at all during the 20 minute walk and my hands never felt cold.
I came to the cemetary and entered the white, peaceful world inside. I could hear the traffic on the main road running beside the cemetary but it was if I was encapsulated in a beautiful, quiet snowglobe. Snow blanketed the gravestones, here and there flowers stood defiantley through the fluffy substance. As I walked, a feeling of peace and wonder enveloped me. Big snowflakes fell down in the air around me, some coming to rest on my newly colored dark red hair, on my eyelashes, on my cheeks. I watched them silently float down around me, studied their different patterns, musing on how beautiful and unique each snowflake was. Every now and then a snowflake would float onto my lower lip and melt in an instant, my tongue sliding out to taste it.
And I felt good because I was living out an adventure. I was doing something with my life and experiencing the big wide world. There were so many moments in my life where I thought I'd never get out of bed again, never leave the house. Days where I would walk into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror, at the dark circles beneath my eyes, my sallow, puffy skin, my hair askew in every direction. Life, at those times, seeming to take more energy to live it then I could muster and I would think " I'm become such a mess, here I go again with pulling myself back together..." and I would feel as if I didnt have the energy to do it again....
But I always found the will from somewhere...pulled myself out of the big, black hole, dusted myself off and walked back to the party...
And here I am, living and working in North America, about to experience another of the things on my life ' To-Do' list; celebrating a white xmas like the white xmas's seen in movies. Where the characters drink eggnog, go ice-skating amidst beautiful xmas lights, fall on their ass on the snow,laughing.
The life 'To-Do' list is evergrowing and I don't think it will ever be completed but the fact that I'm checking stuff off on it feels great.
I wanna leave this plane knowing I did something kind cool, that my life was full and colorful and interesting.
Right now I'm thinking of hanging out with Tibetan monks for a while....wanna come along ?
Back to Toronto, this photo reminds me of ' The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe'. The Narnia Chronicles were a childhood favourite of mine and I cant wait to see the movie. I walk past this lion on my walk home from work.
A sunflower in the cemetary, again the one I walk through on my walk home from work.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Smoke-Free Countdown
So it starts...
On Tuesday morning I had a ciggarette at 10 am and didnt have another.
Until now: 8:30 pm Thursday night.
I felt really, REALLY good about quitting every single day whilst I was at work. But after work, when I would normally have a ciggarette and coffee, I felt the withdrawls. Yet, I still felt good, I felt clean. I just kept wondering if I'll ever get to that stage of not wanting a smoke, not missing it, looking at other ppl having a smoke and wondering how I could ever have been a smoker. It felt like this time around I wouldnt get to that point again. The last time I quit, I was horribly ill and in a lot of pain in hospital, anti-biotics being pumped by the truckload into my system to combat the contents of my burst appendix that were marinading surrounding organs. So, it was that I just didnt pick up another ciggarette after I got out of hospital and I never missed it.
Anyways, I caved in tonight and bought a packet. But I know now that my mind is ready to quit smoking, because I noticed how good I felt about it 80 % of the time over the last few days. I also noticed that, come 7 pm - 8 pm ....I was so sleepy that I'd fade into sleep on the couch...it was as if my body was recovering by turning to sleep.
So, over the next few days I resolve to cut down on smokes until the new quit day; Monday. I will make sure I'm better prepared. Over the next few days I'll take up gym slowly also and eat better. On Tuesday morning, I will visit with the chinese acupuncurist who is in residence at my work with the goal of acupuncture helping lessen the cravings.
So be prepared, next week is probably gonna be scattered with rantings of a girl who is giving up a strong holding vice.
Josh has given up. He had his last ciggarette with me last Tuesday morning as well but he seems to be in a better, stronger frame of mind then I am about it right at this point and he is doing SO well. I am very proud of him and I feel awful about letting him down because I caved tonight. But I will be quit soon too, so this is a temporary setback only....
On Tuesday morning I had a ciggarette at 10 am and didnt have another.
Until now: 8:30 pm Thursday night.
I felt really, REALLY good about quitting every single day whilst I was at work. But after work, when I would normally have a ciggarette and coffee, I felt the withdrawls. Yet, I still felt good, I felt clean. I just kept wondering if I'll ever get to that stage of not wanting a smoke, not missing it, looking at other ppl having a smoke and wondering how I could ever have been a smoker. It felt like this time around I wouldnt get to that point again. The last time I quit, I was horribly ill and in a lot of pain in hospital, anti-biotics being pumped by the truckload into my system to combat the contents of my burst appendix that were marinading surrounding organs. So, it was that I just didnt pick up another ciggarette after I got out of hospital and I never missed it.
Anyways, I caved in tonight and bought a packet. But I know now that my mind is ready to quit smoking, because I noticed how good I felt about it 80 % of the time over the last few days. I also noticed that, come 7 pm - 8 pm ....I was so sleepy that I'd fade into sleep on the couch...it was as if my body was recovering by turning to sleep.
So, over the next few days I resolve to cut down on smokes until the new quit day; Monday. I will make sure I'm better prepared. Over the next few days I'll take up gym slowly also and eat better. On Tuesday morning, I will visit with the chinese acupuncurist who is in residence at my work with the goal of acupuncture helping lessen the cravings.
So be prepared, next week is probably gonna be scattered with rantings of a girl who is giving up a strong holding vice.
Josh has given up. He had his last ciggarette with me last Tuesday morning as well but he seems to be in a better, stronger frame of mind then I am about it right at this point and he is doing SO well. I am very proud of him and I feel awful about letting him down because I caved tonight. But I will be quit soon too, so this is a temporary setback only....
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