Dad

My dad is really sick.

He has been for the past few years but he's getting worse. He was always a thin man, has struggled to put any weight on him, let alone keep it on. He has been helicoptered to hospital too many times, where I've lost count.

His body isn't metabolising any food he manages to keep down, it's started metabolising his body instead.So now, he's down to 50 kg's. For a man that is 6"1, that's thin.

My mind has accepted that he won't walk me down the aisle in Hawaii. Not that it's the be all and end all in the grand scheme of things, I know. I'm not big-headed enough to think that walking me down the aisle is the important thing. It's just one of those little significant moments you like to think will happen, thats all.

He's depressed. He's all the way in Queensland and us kids are all the way here in Melbourne. He says often, almost every conversation, that there isn't much he doesn't feel sorry for and about. That the only thing he 'managed to get right' is us kids. I feel horrible that he's talking like that.

I just want him to get better, thats all. The doctors say that it's hopeless and nothing can be done, there is no cure, just pain relief to help him 'cope'. I've googled the illness he has, and Google is just as pessimistic as the bloody doctors.