Silence Is Golden

More and more lately I feel the strongest urge to slide into a world of silence.
And sometimes ....I crave lilting soul food ; music .....
Music which curls through and around my senses and mind like a cleansing golden ribbon.
Mozart actually found himself in a place he hadnt graced before ; my cd player.
I have never wanted to give classical music much aural attention until the other day , when I thought I'd listen to something I'd never listened to.
Something inside of me reached out to this sound and said " Ahhh yes "....
It soothed me.
I feel like I'm overdosing on the rat-race and all its chaos.Its seeping out my ears , eyes , my pores.....
Sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in it.
And the only oxygen to keep my heart beating is my daydreams and the tidbits of beauty in this asphalt desert.
I dont want to even hear the tv on , I dont want to look at another magazine spouting 'Beauty Secrets Of The Rich & Famous' ' Brad & Jen Divorce Shock '.
Had all I can take , at the moment , of the absolute bullshit of society and its trivialities , its lies , its noise....
I just need to immerse in truth , beauty and quiet for awhile and just listen to and see life as it is ...
Not this man-manipulated , cardboard cutout , facade of life we're herding on like cattle.

Dream

Last night I dreamt. Or , at least , I remembered one.
I'm walking down the laneway that runs behind my apartment...
I suddenly hear cheeping and twittering. I look down at my feet , towards the sound , and find broken eggs and baby birds .
They had fallen from their nest.
The baby birds emerge amongst the broken shards of shell and gunky yolk. I scoop them up , one by one, as they fight to free themselves from their shell that had , until then , harboured them safely. I must have put them somewhere safe because I then proceed to 'catch' other eggs that are falling from a nest above me and I'm trying so hard to catch them all in my softly cupped palms and the egg breaks each time and the yolk runs in globs through my fingers....
and I try to save all the baby birds....

Following My Bugs

Two lil bugs have bitten me.
They know who they are , the naughty lil things.
Ones your typical travel bug.
The other one has left a tingly , buzzy sensation that compels me to seek out the source....where it'll probably bite me even harder. And obviously I wont be too disappointed by that ...... *wink*

Called up the Flight Centre today. I need to know where to start as far as travel plans are concerned.
I want to roadtrip the States ( as ya probably have ascertained from previous entries ).
Members of the The Photo Forum are all meeting up at the Joshua Tree in March and I want to make it to that. Reallllllllllly wanna make it to that , in fact. Also am ACHING to get back to New Orleans. So I'm thinkin.... New Orleans , Joshua Tree ( Cali ) , San Fransisco .... then onto Toronto ... to work for a year ( IF I get my work visa *fingers crossed *).Probably do more travelling of the U.S during my time in Canada.
Travel agent advised me to get a 'round the world' ticket. With it I can travel to five ( I think ) different places and then back home. It runs for a year. Price at the minute for one of those is gonna set me back $ 2,400. Not bad......
Considering its a minimum of $ 3,000 just for a return ticket to Canada at the mo.
My friend Scott tonight asked if I expected my job to be here when I got back from travelling .... to which I replied " Probably not and good ..... coz darl I'm rotting in that job .... I truly am....."
He's in the same boat ( with the desire to get out of his mind-numbing job and travel )... so all he did was nod to say he knew exactly what I am talkin about.
So we made a pinky promise to travel , have adventures and not return to our respective jobs.

Nikki wake UP !

*Stage whisper *
Heres the cam shots I sent to my sisters email just now ..... she'll get em when she wakes up this morning , these should scare her awake this fine Sunday mornin.... or at least make her laugh ( although she's sorta used to this kinda thing from me .. it might not affect her at all damnit! )


Warms up the facial muscles



Fish Face Of The Day


Tryin to touch tongue to nose.. Oooomph



Damnit , Muvva fugga , I'll make it touch me nose



Hey there , ms scrunchie face



Oh I'm so shocked n shit



Oh I'm so shocked n shit part 2



Did I make ya laugh yet ?



Yoo'know ... laugh ? Like this ....?



You know ya wanna...



Oh I think you're lying ! Ya cant lie to lil ol me ... I can see you !



Suddenly realizes she needs a life....

A Promise To Strangers

When I was on one of my little photo crawls , a few weeks ago , I was taking a photo of a flower tree ( the flowers are like tulips of the lightest pink , these trees are common around my area and I noticed them because ...well I love tulips ).
The house the flower-tree fronted was a pink , spanish sort of villa house.
The old soul that owned the house was out and about that day and he noticed me taking a photograph of his flower-tree.
" I hope you dont mind " I said , smiling at him " I like your tree......."
He smiled and motioned for me to stay put and started calling for his wife. At first I thought he was calling " Tinnnnnnaaaa " but I realized his wife's name was Lina or something similar sounding....
Old soul and wife emerge , wife is clutching a little red camera of her own.
" Oh ..." I realize "... they think I'm some professional photographer or somethin ? "
* Oh chuckle chuckle *.
Wife smilingly gives camera to me and their eyes ask if I can take a photograph of them. I feel honoured to...
However I look through their viewfinder and think " Oh yucko , they look a million miles away " ....
I'm totally thrown by the difference between their little digital viewfinder and my minolta , which views everything exactly as is , true to size.
They stand proudly by their flower tree ... showing it off with grand hand poses but yozwer , they look like little munchkins in this viewfinder lol.
They stand a distance away from each other. Prouder of their tree then their marriage/love. At the risk of generalising a culture , this is what I've come to learn from the limited experience I've had with older europeans; they show more affection towards their gardens then their relationships.
I snap off a couple of photos and take one from my own camera for good measure and I promise them that I will give them a copy of their photo from my film.
Happy nods and its sayonara.
Its been two weeks since then and today I thought I'd keep good on my promise.
After work , I went home , put their picture in an envelope and went in search of their home again. Located it and dropped it in their letterbox.
I hope they like their picture :).....

Oh and heres the pic I took of their tree ... it needs to be in color because the flowers were a pretty light pink and the sky was a brilliant blue but I had the b&w Ilford film in my camera that day *shrugs*.
I'll just have to wait for a similar blue-skyed kinda day and go back and retake the photo I guess *wink*.

Random Poetry

This piece just flowed out from my mind and through my fingertips ... 2 minutes to write and no editing .... so it aint anythin to write home about , so to speak.....
Its just pure thought , as it happened...

Tell me baby ...was I wrong to walk away
Should I have held on longer , would you have come through
Did I shoot the arrow that killed your hearts song for me
Did I make it turn its eyes away and weep
Honey , I cradle it in my dreams.
Time after time I try to pour my soothing balm into its deep cracks
Mind movies , in black & white
In them , I sadly cup your beloved face and I whisper all my sorries
I rain kisses on your eyelids
My aching lips catch your tears
And each morning I wake up
and wonder .....
Do you still cry ?
In the immediate aftermath , you lay on ground zero
Broken in two.
But god ...I was in pieces too baby ....
I was clutching my sanity , with numb fingers
Hopelessly gathering it like water in my palms.
And I had to walk away to hold it all together
To pour myself into a cup , in a desert
Out of my prison of limbo , walking dead
A lost wandering girl...
Carrying her new little cup , overflowing with sorrow
I walked on , searching for my kaleidoscope
I needed , needed to see color again
I craved it , like lungs starved for oxygen.
I breathe today , catch 22's
Believing in the fates
All those 'meant-to-be's'
Yet I still dream in black & white

Photo Spree

Heres a couple of pics I took a few weeks back....( the ones I wrote about taking in my 'Breaking News 'entry )
Unlike most people these days I'm a film girl and the 'fruits of my labour' take time to surface on the net ... which might not be a bad thing....

Would love to learn as much about photography as I can absorb and one day have my own house ( near water ) with my own lil darkroom .....have a couple of good ,trusty film cameras and a D70 or better , all different types of lens ,a good neg/print scanner , ... just be allll set up. *Sigh*
Hey while I'm dreamin away I may as well put my whole order in LOL !
After spending a few years travelling around the world , taming the travel bug by roadtripping around the States and Europe , taking hundreds of photos and filling up journal after journal with my many many adventures , I buy an airy and funky lil place close to the ocean. This place is in a spot in the world where it is warm most of the year round. Then , me and the luuurrrrve of my life will spend many hazy afternoons renovating our shnazzy lil beachside house , filling it with our lil treasures bought in far-away-worldly places and making it into our own little haven.
It will have a big , deep luxurious bath in its spacious zen-like bathroom , which in itself will be surrounded by floor to ceiling windows looking over a calm lil japanese garden with trickling water features etc etc etc ( am I gettin carried away yet ? What can I say .. I'm a girl who likes her pampering bathtime .....haha ).
Oh and this place has to have a big outdoor entertaining area with a biggg BBQ and a few hammocks hangin around....
Then , who knows , get married maybe ... spend my days writing and photographing things ( make either into a career ? ) , have cute lil button-nosed , sunkissed bambinos and a couple of dogs , cats , whathaveya....
Got that waiter ? Dont mess that order up now ....

Heh , yeah I'm goofin off. My lil dreamland is quite standard stuff really *wink*.

Anyhoo heres some pics ... sorry they're big. I need to set up somewhere to store all my photos.

Heaven In A Window


Where To Now ?



Howdy Tootsies


Lookin Out My Bedroom Window



Happy , happy birthday to you , my crazy-gorgeous , funny , wonderful J-Man , for Wednesday ( 22nd Sept ) !!
I know I said Hippo Birdy to ya a hundred times that day , but I gotta say it here too , lol ! I hope you had a truly fabulous day and I'll see ya soon kiddo !
Ya need to at least come back so my cheeks can start hurtin again from smilin and laughin *wink*.

Bathing Beauty

Song Playing : No songs , just the silence and the Sunday traffic below my apartment.

Sunday , lazy Sunday...

About to head outside for the day , carting trusty camera with me. One more coffee then I'm out de door...

Was just brushing my teeth a few minutes ago and , whilst doing so , wandered out into the kitchen to turn the kettle on. Looked out the window onto my lil courtyard balcony and spotted something that made me smile ( even with aforementioned toothbrush in mouth ).
I have a largish pottery bowl that I didnt know what else to do with but sit it outside in a rectangular concrete planter , in amongst the fernery. The bowl has three mermaid sculptures that are part of it , sitting inside it as if they're in a spa bath and I also sat a pottery duck in the middle. Its been raining and so the bowl is half full of water ( albeit a little mossy ).
Well I saw the cutest brown bird in it , bathing itself and playing with the pottery duck !
That bird was just shakin its tushhhhh in the water , dippin its beak in and just generally playin and bathin away. Giving himself ( or herself ) a right proper bath !
LOL , it was so bloody cute !
Other birds sat around , either just watchin the bathing beauty or waiting their turn or both....
My lil courtyard is always filled with birds ... pigeons , sparrows and other birds I cant name ... thats just one aspect of the charm of my place. A lot of days I come back home for lunch and , if its been raining , there'll be two pigeons snuggling together under the shelter , near my front door. I always quietly and softly open my door as not to scare them away.

I'm gonna clean the pottery bowl today so the birds can bathe in it properly.

Melting The ' Block '

Song Playing : 'Kissing You ' - Desiree

I havent been able to play my ' Romeo and Juliet ' soundtrack for years , even though I love it. I look at it in my cd tower and WANT to play it but I cant.

Decided to play it tonight , as a little test.
Listening to the song above ( on the aforementioned cd ) , a favourite song close to my heart , is almost making me wanna turn it back off.
Ah well.

I need to leave my job. Wont go into it but the people I work for are horrible , rude people.My gut instinct about these two is that they both are malicious and nasty people in general. They have a bad reputation in the industry they're in. A lot of people who know them have urged me to get out of there , and fast.
Most days I walk in and the first sound I hear isnt " Good Morning " or even " Hello"....
No , I hear a guy yelling at me and talking to me in a god awful tone. Sometimes the yelling starts before I even get THROUGH the door.I've dealt with this crap for 8 years. Why the hell am I putting up with THIS for?!
Oh I wont go into all of it , it aint worth the blogspace...
This is insane-crazy.
So as soon as I get my work visa to Canada , hopefully come Febuary/March , I'm outta there kiddies.

Life is too short to have to deal with someone else's verbal-vomit.

Worked on a section for my novel-in-progress.
My N.I.P , I shall henceforth annoint it *sillysmile*.

I want to be a published writer ! Why am I spending my existence mindlessly performing tasks at this dead end job for a couple of monkey asses ?!
I shall write myself away from them , and when I do I shall give them the happy royal finger ! *Regal writer-like nod *.
I've had writers block the size of Antartica for a hella long time. Now finally and inexplicably its melting......

Your voice , across the ocean , breathes sweet oxygen into my soul and I stop holding my breath .....I exhale poetry.

Lets Get Retarded

Detoxing today.
Less caffeine , more vegies.
My body is threatening to pack up in the middle of the night to go stay in a crisis shelter for abused systems...
Felt seedy and blech all day yesterday ( Sunday ). Yes it was of the self inflicted 'one too many drinks the night before ' variety....
'One too many ' for me translates into a total of 3 or 4 drinks though , sometimes.
Yeahhhhh I'ma cheap-date-chicaroonie !
Had a lonnnnnng sleep in , got up and had a shower , dancing under the water to "Lets Get Retarded in hereeeeeee "
That I did.

I didnt realize Canada was SO expensive a place to get to !
Cheapest flight I've seen so far is $ 2,760 return ( thats probably before taxes too )
Damnit damnit :(
Looks like I am swimming it kiddies.

Lyrics that make ya go ohhh

Wow , I'm posting twice on the one day *wink*

I wonder why it took me so long to discover Mr Jeff Buckley ....

Been playin his songs tonight ... his lyrics amaze me and touch me ..

Especially these four lines , from 'Lover , You Should've Come Over' ....

It's never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
It's never over, all my riches for her smiles when i slept so soft against her
It's never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
It's never over, she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Proof ....

Song Playing : ' Glory Box ' - Portishead

.....I can take a pic without pulling a goofy face.

He Wishes For The Cloths Of Heaven

Had I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

"Yer a sillay sillay woman !"

This is why you should never give cams to silly girls.




While we're waiting for that one to cook , heres some faces I prepared for you earlier ...



I dedicate this post to Brown Brothers Crouchen Reisling , without you this post would never have existed :)



Cheers !

-T

Dance lil lady dance

Song Playing : ' No More Drama ' - Mary J Blige.

After years and years of saying " I'll do it one day ......" I got sick of hearing myself being a spruiker , not a doer .......so I went and took my first .......

Flamenco dance class !!! *cheer*

I lurrrrrrved it , muchachos !

However 'bignoted' this sounds , dancing comes as easily to me as breathing...
A day without dancing is a day wasted.

I'm going to buy these flamenco shoes , which means ordering online and getting a pair sent from Spain ... not cheap but the Menkas shoes are quality and last a while....




P.S The title of this entry is the name of a song ..... it was one of the first favourite songs of mine to 'a-shaka my tush' to when I was a 4 year old mini-chica.
According to family members , as soon as I heard the song I used to instantly drop what I was doing , light up like a glow-bug and danccccccccccce so happy-like.