Letters

Whilst packing the last of my belongings tonight , I came across a treasure trove piled in a basket.
Sat down and wandered down memory lane awhile.
Old photos of myself with friends , ex b/f's , some of my family , some of myself as a baby/young girl...
Birthday cards that I've kept ( yes I keep em all , they dont get chucked lol ).
Then letters.
Letters from my nan , my mum , Lisa...




I've just been sitting here reading all of them ...smiling and laughing at certain lines scrawled across the pages.
Then I started reading the last of the letters from nan and eventually some tears replaced the laughter.
I sat and thought about her and thought silently " I miss you so much nan ....".

Sometimes its almost as if I go through my days thinking she's still around , even though I know shes gone. Then I'm stopped suddenly and reminded of standing beside her open casket , my warm hand holding her cold hand , my fingers stroking her hand just like the way she used to do with mine when we held hands. Gazing at her for the longest time , thinking ...
" She looks so different , thats not my nana..."
Then I leant down in that noisy crowded funeral parlour room and kissed her softly on her forehead and whispered " Bye for now nana , love you...".
And a tear dripped down from my eye , landing on her cheek.
Appearing as though it was her own tear.
No goodbyes in this world can make your heart and deepest corners of your soul ache so badly like this kind of goodbye.

Heres a piece of writing she included in one of her letters...

' A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam
and for the briefest moment the glory and the beauty belong to our world.
But then it flies off again and , though we wish it could have stayed...
we feel so lucky to have seen it ........'

That butterfly , my darling , beautiful nan , was you.

I love you.


I wrote a 'letter' to her a few years ago here