I'm a little outta the loop. I didnt know if anyone had put any death notices in but I had a feeling that if they had, the notices would be in today.
So I checked online...
I went out for dinner with Josh's family tonight, for his mums 59th birthday. I was laughing and joking, chatting and being my usual goofy self. As if nothing had happened.
I just didnt wanna be a wet blanket on Rhonda's birthday dinner so I pushed everything off into another world, out of sight. I'm an expert at this, so much so that I even fooled myself that nothing was wrong...so my smiles and laughter were genuine. I had a good time with great company.
And I feel guilty that I can do that right now.
It still doesnt feel real. And it probably wont for me because I cant attend his funeral and be there for my family.Yet I need for it to feel real, I need to feel that in order to say goodbye to him properly.Theres value in facing this kind of reality, no matter how awful or painful.
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