Well , Its Official

..... I have to move out of my beloved home....

My landlady's daughter walked into my work today ( I live directly opposite my workplace ) and informed me that my home has been sold and the new owners want to move in a.s.a.p......

But , legally , they have to give me 60 days notice ( minimum ). Its really bad timing as that means that the deadline will be around the 10th of January next year...

That means that we have to do some quick searching and finding of a place right over Xmas break....
Also... my sister ( who lives with me ) will be in Queensland from the 1st January to the 8th January........so she's probably gonna have to do some fast moving/planning.
The deadline of January ( with our living arrangements here ) leaves me with under 2 months of limbo time before I leave to go overseas.....( hence I cant go signing any lease ).
Kristy wants to move away from this area and closer to our other sister ( which I completely understand ...)
I wanna hang around this suburb ( I work in North Carlton ) and I'm gonna need to get a second job around this area after Xmas ( to put flesh on malnourished travel funds )..which means that it would help to keep both jobs and my home in this area..
Yowzer , everythings up in the air now ...
( presses 'Dont Panic' button once again tonight ...lol ).

Even though it was hardly a surprise I teared up a little ( not in front of said landlady's daughter but immediantly after she left ....).
Whilst she was there , I remarked to her that I adored this place and I was so sorry that I had to leave and she replied with....

" I lived in that place when I was younger , also....back in 1974 /1975...
I , also , loved this place ....
It has such a beautiful , positive , calm energy about it , hasnt it ....."

( shite ..I was born in '74...goin back a few years now lol .....).

And even though she expressed some sort of ' I understand ' sentiment ...it seemed skin-surface... more of a ...
' I really couldnt give a stuff darlin , but I'll play 'sensitive'.

Some woman from Western Australia has bought my sleepy lil dream.
She wants it and she's got the $ 600, 000 odd bucks , hanging around in her bank account , to own it ...
......and so she shall......

I guess I felt , for a little while this afternoon , a wondering ....
If I'll ever find anything in my life that will bring me happiness for the longest of whiles..
........without thumbing its nose at me and becoming someone elses .....

Hell , I know the truth .... happiness is within ...its not anything that can be instilled from the outside in ... its from inside out ....
( yeah so , fuck it ... I'm cliched and corny that way ....)

I know this ..... but , happy to report ( ha !) ... I'm human and I have weak moments where I respond ( initial , immediant reaction ) like a child who's lost her favourite toy in the world ..... I am like this for the first day or so....

Then I take a day ( or so ) to really come back to whats important ...I remember the positive and I gain some strength and insight back....

For the rest of the afternoon, I was a lil tearful and I questioned why I was being so emotional about a PLACE ....especially when I was expecting this sorta news.....AND remembering the fact that I want to travel come March next year....

I guess it comes down to the fact that I experienced a wonderful , 'I'm home' sensation .... I had found a place that felt like me and it felt wonderful....
I had started to feel like 'me' for the first time in years....
The running theme of my life so far is that , whenever I find happiness /security .... something or someone comes along and pulls out the carpet from under me ....
( Scuse the self violin playin .. i'm havin a 'feelin sorry for myself ' moment ... it'll pass *sticks tongue out * )

All I hope /wish for is to find my place in this world...to find my peace ...my place that no one can take from me ....ever.....

I dont know what I would do without my mum .....I called her after work and just sooked and cried over the phone ( yes I was just an emotional girly this afternoon )...even if she didnt provide immediant answers .... she's my mum and she's there and is the centre of my world....and thats all I ever need and want in my life.
She cradles my heart and wipes away my tears .... she smiles when I'm smiling , never judges and picks up the pieces every single time...

Mum , if you ever read this ( I tell ya in person enough anyway ) ... know that you are the most amazing person in the world to me....

My arms will never reach quite wide enough to show you just how 'BIG' I love you ... you were the first person who loved me ... and the first person I ever loved ....

'Nuff said..... :X

And Scott .....some friends are simply family that one has chosen .... you are that darlin .... you stop me from taking life too seriously and there is no way that I am lettin you wander outta my life *smooch*.
You took my mind off certain thangs tonight.

Josh ... the same goes for you too *pounce & smooooooooch * ....
but I better not say the other things I wanna say coz I sorta wanna keep this a lil , uh , PG rated ..... *goofy look *.