People live two kinds of lives, all at once, all rolled up in one.
There's the life they live for other people, one they think they should live. It's full of 'shoulds'.
A play they perform for an audience, usually full of strangers, but with their loved ones sitting in the front row, in the Society Theatre.
The backstage is where it's most interesting, where honesty lies, warts and all.
There, the mask is dropped, there are no autocues, no costumes, no heavy make-up.
What does one do when they don't wanna perform 'The Play' anymore? When they wanna drop lines and ad-lib with what they really think and feel?
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Dad
My dad is really sick.
He has been for the past few years but he's getting worse. He was always a thin man, has struggled to put any weight on him, let alone keep it on. He has been helicoptered to hospital too many times, where I've lost count.
His body isn't metabolising any food he manages to keep down, it's started metabolising his body instead.So now, he's down to 50 kg's. For a man that is 6"1, that's thin.
My mind has accepted that he won't walk me down the aisle in Hawaii. Not that it's the be all and end all in the grand scheme of things, I know. I'm not big-headed enough to think that walking me down the aisle is the important thing. It's just one of those little significant moments you like to think will happen, thats all.
He's depressed. He's all the way in Queensland and us kids are all the way here in Melbourne. He says often, almost every conversation, that there isn't much he doesn't feel sorry for and about. That the only thing he 'managed to get right' is us kids. I feel horrible that he's talking like that.
I just want him to get better, thats all. The doctors say that it's hopeless and nothing can be done, there is no cure, just pain relief to help him 'cope'. I've googled the illness he has, and Google is just as pessimistic as the bloody doctors.
He has been for the past few years but he's getting worse. He was always a thin man, has struggled to put any weight on him, let alone keep it on. He has been helicoptered to hospital too many times, where I've lost count.
His body isn't metabolising any food he manages to keep down, it's started metabolising his body instead.So now, he's down to 50 kg's. For a man that is 6"1, that's thin.
My mind has accepted that he won't walk me down the aisle in Hawaii. Not that it's the be all and end all in the grand scheme of things, I know. I'm not big-headed enough to think that walking me down the aisle is the important thing. It's just one of those little significant moments you like to think will happen, thats all.
He's depressed. He's all the way in Queensland and us kids are all the way here in Melbourne. He says often, almost every conversation, that there isn't much he doesn't feel sorry for and about. That the only thing he 'managed to get right' is us kids. I feel horrible that he's talking like that.
I just want him to get better, thats all. The doctors say that it's hopeless and nothing can be done, there is no cure, just pain relief to help him 'cope'. I've googled the illness he has, and Google is just as pessimistic as the bloody doctors.
I'm One Big Slacker!
Even my blog doesn't hear from me much these days.
I can hear it now, in a whiny Brooklyn accent:
"You don't caaaaall, you don't wriiiiite, not even your poor ol BLOG!"
Went for a couple of interviews yesterday. I think I'm getting a bit better at the interview thing. At least, yesterday I was on FIRE! Haha. I'd hire me, hell I'd give me Employee of the Month, before I'd worked a day!
Uh huh, yeah, I'm full of it. I don't need to be told. Toilets would look at me (if they had eyes) and comment "Wow, she's clogged up with the stuff" (if they had vocal cords).
Plannin a weddin here (shock, gasp, NO WAY!?) and thinkin I'm gonna start a sista-blog to this one, just for wedding crap. There aint a whole lot of real-life information about planning a destination wedding. I found a couple of great sites; a forum and somethin else on The Knot. Other then that, when I google 'Destination Wedding' or 'Wedding in Hawaii' all I get are syrupy-sweet "let us plan your dream wedding in Aloha Haw-ai-iiiii" wedding planner sites. Full of bad photography of couples who look like they got married in the 80's.
So, I'll just start my own destination-wedding-blog, with ideas I've found and all the little scambles a destination bride makes whilst trying not to look like Bridezilla.
Might even throw in a couple of 'knock-knock' jokes in there, if you're good.
I can hear it now, in a whiny Brooklyn accent:
"You don't caaaaall, you don't wriiiiite, not even your poor ol BLOG!"
Went for a couple of interviews yesterday. I think I'm getting a bit better at the interview thing. At least, yesterday I was on FIRE! Haha. I'd hire me, hell I'd give me Employee of the Month, before I'd worked a day!
Uh huh, yeah, I'm full of it. I don't need to be told. Toilets would look at me (if they had eyes) and comment "Wow, she's clogged up with the stuff" (if they had vocal cords).
Plannin a weddin here (shock, gasp, NO WAY!?) and thinkin I'm gonna start a sista-blog to this one, just for wedding crap. There aint a whole lot of real-life information about planning a destination wedding. I found a couple of great sites; a forum and somethin else on The Knot. Other then that, when I google 'Destination Wedding' or 'Wedding in Hawaii' all I get are syrupy-sweet "let us plan your dream wedding in Aloha Haw-ai-iiiii" wedding planner sites. Full of bad photography of couples who look like they got married in the 80's.
So, I'll just start my own destination-wedding-blog, with ideas I've found and all the little scambles a destination bride makes whilst trying not to look like Bridezilla.
Might even throw in a couple of 'knock-knock' jokes in there, if you're good.
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