Fun Lies In The Mundane

Who ever would have guessed that laundry could be so intoxicatingly fun?

At least to Miss Maya it is. I lie her on the bed as I fold laundry and she screams in delight, widens her eyes, clenches her fists and her whole body tenses up in excitement while she builds up to the next squeal as she watches sheets, wraps, underwear, daddy's shirts et al flow over the top of her as I whip them in the air to straighten them out.

I knew it would keep her from grumbling in boredom, I didn't realise she'd get SUCH a kick outta it.

After I pick up an item, I explain to her what it is and let her feels it in her little exploring hands. Sometimes she clasps it and brings it to her face and against her cheek as if she is revelling in the softness.

I don't think I need to BUY my kid toys. There's plenty around the house to keep her entertained.

Naming the World For Her

"The animals of the world exist for their own reasons. They were not made for humans any more than black people were made for white, or women created for men."
Alice Walker

Today I stood at the bedroom window with Maya in my arms, just after she awoke from slumber, and we looked out together at the clear blue day world outside. A soft breeze softly sailed through the open window as I named the different things that made up the scene before us; trees, blue sky, a bird twittering, the smell of the ocean immediately to the left of us....introducing them to her.

I sang "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" to her softly and whispered in her listening baby-ear that one of the secrets I want her to know about in this life is that there is beauty in all things.

That sometimes you have to look a little harder for it then usual...but look harder because it will always be there.

It is such a blessing and a privilege to be Maya's mother.

P.S What does the quote at the beginning have to do with this post? Nothing really, I just love the quote and am a fan of Alice Walker.

The saying goes that the shortest route to a mans heart is through his stomach.

Well, the quickest way to a mother's heart is through her child.

This Is Not A Maya Post

Maya Kisses Daddy, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

I won't write about Maya in this post.

I won't tell you that she sometimes pulls her lips in and back in a Cabbage Patch Doll kinda way when she tries to talk.

Definitely won't mention that she started farting and pooing up a storm when we sat in front of a breastfeeding education class, where I was breastfeeding Maya to demonstrate how it's done, to a group of expectant couples. That she got that look in her eye, where she loses focus on the breast and gazes absentmindedly. Then proceeded to push her little body straight and grunt. So, I saw it coming before everyone else did.

So, I wont go into how she has impeccable timing once again.

I also won't talk about how we spent the afternoon today, just the two of us. Lying on the bed on our sides, curled facing each other and having a conversation for at least an hour. Then I fed her there, both of us still lying on our sides until we drifted off to afternoon nap-land. That we woke up around the same time quite content with all in the world, two peas in the pod.

So, that's all I have to write about not talking about Maya.

And she giggles

Maya Smiley Girl, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

Yesterday marked another milestone...two in one week , wow!

Josh and I were laying beside her on the bed, jiggling a new toy over her face when she, out of the blue, let out the cutest most magical little set of giggles I have ever heard!

I could hardly contain myself when she proceeded to giggle even more, I imploded with giggles myself!

Like a friend of mine once said; A baby's laugh could stop a war.

She Speaks!

Pretty baby, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

My little darling uttered her first word yesterday (around 4pm 14th November 2007...gotta record the time/date for prosperity sakes.)

She has been trying her hardest to talk for the past 3 weeks or so, where she'll lock eyes with mine (or whoever is looking into her eyes) and she'll be so focused on trying to make sounds into words. Then, when I speak, she'll stop and focus on my mouth and then try to mimic my mouth movements and she'll move her tongue out of her mouth because she sees that the tongue is involved with talking somehow...and she'll resume with trying to form 'words'.

So, there's been one recurring word throughout, which sounded like "Ahhgooo".

Yesterday, "Ahhgoo" turned into "A girlllll"

Her first words being "A girllll" makes sense, considering they were the very first words she would have heard when she was pulled out into the world: "It's a girl"!

I know every mother thinks this but I have the cleverest child! ;)

Jab Day

Maya B&W, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

So, today was the day that I'd been dreading: Immunisation Day.

I roped in the services of my sister, an experienced Immunisation-Day-Times-2 mama to be my support and/or to hold Maya if I decided I couldn't bear to hold her myself. We walked down to the Maternal Health facility, took a number amongst all the prams, crying babies and crying-harder mummies and I sat down to let Maya get some comforting milk in her system before she took the jabs. I had spent the morning playing with her and telling her that I needed to take her to get some needles because they would help her to not get sick etc etc.

I think it helped me more then it helped her. She was so happy and smiley this morning too, I felt like shit that I was about to turn her day into a crappy one. It was worse when, right before the nurse jabbed her in the thigh, she was sitting contently in my arms and talking away to me and smiling.

As the nurse took the first of the needles to her thigh, I watched her face turn from content to a look of surprise and pain then she screamed her lungs out and cried in a "WHYYYY did you DO that to me mamaaaaaa!" sort of cry.

It was awful because when she started to calm down and hug into me, searching for comfort, the nurse would do it again. She had a total of 3 needles.

God, I started to cry...it just felt so cruel. (I know, I know....it's for her own good yada yada).

Even my support mama started to cry!

She was ok and smiling not long afterwards, after I gave her a comfort feed on the boob but an hour later she started to feel it and started crying, shivering and all that lovely stuff associated with ones body trying to fight the half a dozen or so recently injected viral bugs. I gave her some baby panadol and spent the afternoon and evening cuddling my darling girl and kissing her over and over as she slept, whispering in her ear to "Sleep it off my sweetheart".

Some days I wish I could have kept her safe, warm and sound in my womb.

On a happier note, I ran into a childhood friend and her mum (they were neighbours when I was growing up and have known them for 18 years) at the center. Georgie has an 8 week old little girl and was there to get her immunized also. Turns out she lives around the corner from me!

Yay to catching up with an old friend and having her as company whilst taking this mummyhood journey together for the first time!

Maya Grin

Maya Grin, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

I'm in the living room, Josh is in the bedroom getting Maya back to sleep.

Cue deep, 'official' sounding voice over the baby monitor:

Josh: "Come in Tina, this is God speaking....Where... is... the... dummy.......?"

Tina: "If you were God, you'd already know where the dummy is...."

A Scary Halloween

Maya Towelled Up, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

My Halloween night had a quite scary moment and not in the way one might think, not Halloweeny scary.

I went to move Maya's bassinette closer to my pillow just before I went to bed myself when a sleeping Maya suddenly flung her head up with eyes bulging open in panic and she lurched up fighting to get a breath of air. I cried out "Oh my god!" and picked her up as she gave a little frightened. Josh was already in bed and asked me what had happened and I explained as I rocked her side to side, upright in my arms. A minute later though, I lay her down to re-wrap her and she was all smiles.

Mummy wasn't though...mummy was out of her mind worried and wondering "What if I decided to stay in the living room for even 5 extra minutes"? or "What if she did this when I was in the shower during the day?" etc.

Turns out, upon consultation with the maternal health nurse and my mum, that she may have just been startled by me and not, as I was thinking initially, just struggling to breathe coincidently as I walked in the room.

The most terrifying thought in the world to me now is losing her. That's what I mean when I say that, since she's been born, the world really can hurt me now.

I have a shot of her with a pirate hat on, which she borrowed from her cousins yesterday for Halloween...haven't had a chance to upload it yet but will.

Sooky La-La

Maya Sleeps, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

Was in the supermarket, flicking through the weekly magazines (I never actually BUY them pffft, quick flick through and I know what's what in the world) when I came across an article about one of our local tv stars daughter.

She and her husband were expecting their baby and she had finally gone into labour. She had practised a lot of hypnotherapy during her pregnancy so she spent a lot of her labour quiet and focused, the atmosphere was peaceful.

At hour 18 of her labour, her healthy baby suddenly seemed to be in acute distress, out of the blue. Then, just as quickly...the baby's heartbeat couldn't be found...it had stopped. Her baby had died. Just like that.

She obviously had to keep on pushing and deliver her baby and gave birth to a 10 pound baby girl. They were surprised at this as there had been no indication from midwives in her prenatal care that the baby was this size. Upon delivery, their daughter was handed to her daddy who then spent time quietly and lovingly bathing her and then gently cuddling her. The couple remarked that she just looked like she was asleep and had her dads forehead and her mums face. They had a photo of her and she really DID just look like she was asleep, such a beautiful little girl. There was also a photo of her hand being held by either her mum or her dad, her finger curled around the bigger finger of her parent.

They told how they had to leave 3 hours later, not wanting to stay in the maternity ward any longer and not knowing what to say to the midwives. This poor couple had arrived excited about the impending birth of their baby and left empty handed, their little angel lifeless in the room.

I couldn't help it, it was so so sad and I just started crying in the aisle of the supermarket. I felt my lower lip tremble downwards and just wanted to sob because I really really related to how they must have felt. That's just heartbreaking. It makes me wanna wake Maya up and cuddle her.

Grainy Josh

Grainy Josh, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

Had some time today to loiter on the computer, finish breakfast (yayyyy to breakfast) and I found some New Orleans shots that I took the last time we were there in 2005, right before Hurricane Katrina hit.

Found this grainy shot of Josh looking pissed off lol. Quite like it actually (the shot, not when he's pissed off *wink*).

The 2 Month Cupcake

The 2 Month Cupcake, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

Maya is 2 months old today! Happy 2 months baby girl!

A paradox; it feels like time has whipped by so fast yet, on the other hand, it feels like she has been here so much longer then two months.

I took her out to the Pregnancy, Babies and Children Expo on the weekend just gone and Kristy came with me. I was pretty aprehensive about taking her out to it as, whenever we go out with her it always turns into a really stressful experience with Maya howling her heart out (and tearing out mine when she does it). Those times it's happened I always cross the threshold to my home with the biggest sense of relief and feeling totally wrung out with stress.

However, she surprised me and was an absolute angel that day! Bliss!

She is sleeping for long stretches again (now that I'm ignoring some peoples advice and choosing NOT to wake her up for a feed when she is trying to sleep through). She started sleeping through (from midnight to 5am) at 2 weeks of age but I was told by a nurse on the maternal help line that I would need to wake her up at, say, hour 6 from when she started her last feed.

Thing is, if the bub is healthy and peacefully sleeping...let them sleep.If they're in need of a feed they will let you know, don't worry about that.

Maya is starting to communicate with us now. She does this little fake cough sometimes when we're having one of our 'talky, smiley' sessions and cycles/kicks her legs so energetically I suspect that one of these days she'll start cycling around the room.

I'm not sure but it seems like she is trying to talk or maybe even laugh when she does that cute little fake cough.

I Discovered

Maya & Poppa Hands, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

Before I was a Mum I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunisation.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mum, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching my baby sleep.

Before I was a Mum, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mum.

Before I was a Mum, I didn't know that feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mum, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was ok.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mum.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mum.


~ Author Unknown

Mummy Kisses

Mummy Kisses, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

Thank god for baby slings, otherwise I wouldn't get anything done!

I have two carriers; the ever-popular Baby Bjorn and the Hugabub sling. Both are as good as the other but the Hugabub is more snug (but more fiddly to set up on oneself...let's just say that it comes with an instructional dvd). The Bjorn is very 'clip-and-go)

I'm finding that I have a good day with Little Miss Maya where she's all smiles and calm, followed by a shitty day where she's hard to please and cries a lot. I had a great day with her yesterday and felt re-energised , ready to take this motherhood gig by the horns. Then today has been a semi-shitty day where I tried to get out of the house but had to turn around 2 minutes into my walk as the bebe was howling in protest. I came home so frustrated and angry at her and felt like being mean and leaving her in her pram to cry it out but didn't...instead pulling her out and grudgingly putting her on the boob to feed without the usual cooing and general talking I normally do with her.

Then comes the guilt and the " I'm such an awful and mean mummy...!" thoughts. The ones where you think "She's so beautiful and is just a helpless little cherub who just wants cuddles/food/comfort from her mum while her mum is wanting to scream at her and walk away. How can I even THINK that way...?!"

Right now she's sleeping in her sling on my chest, turning her head from side to side in an effort to get comfortable (and failing, I think...I'll get her out to feed soon anyway).

I have a whole new and massive appreciation for parents in general now. Before, theoretically I knew parenthood really pulled one through the wringer, emotionally, mentally and physically but....wow.

Again, at the same time, I don't ever want to imagine my life without her. Besides her daddy, she is the love of my life.

Baby Daze

Ok...finally had a chance to post...

So much to write about over the past 7 weeks (has it really only been 7 weeks?!)I don't know where to start.

Now I understand all those parents that say that parenthood is the most challenging but rewarding job you could do in your life. You're running on the whiff of sleep, utterly, utterly bone-crushingly-tired to the point your entire body is screaming for rest let alone sleep. You have your child howling in the night as you stagger around with him/her trying the 105th thing to soothe them, your chest heavy with exhaustion and the howls cutting through your soul. You're sobbing along with your baby because your body and emotions have been through the humdinger that is called birth and then you've been thrown into a freefall of hormones and trying to learn how to look after a demanding little human being ever since.

And you are non-stop 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I've been told (good advice yes) to sleep when Maya is sleeping. However, I have two very small windows of opportunity during the day and the first window allows me to scramble for a very quick shower. Usually she wakes up just as I step out and I either let her cry as I quickly dress or I resort to trying to soothe her whilst naked and dripping water all over the place.

Meals? I haven't had many meals undisturbed. Today was the first time in 7 weeks that she slept through my shower AND my breakfast. I usually don't get to eat lunch and dinner....I usually eat to the tune of Maya crying while Josh tries to soothe her. Maybe she recognizes that mummy needs to lose baby weight and is trying to put me on the 'Baby Diet'.

Don't get me wrong...she isn't a 'cryer' in the sense that she cries all the time....the timing that she DOES cry however sucks. She's actually an excellent baby and spends a lot of time in quiet contemplation and cooing.

I've had a couple of moments where I've wanted to throw my head back and scream and throw the towel in on this motherhood-business. But then 20 minutes later, I look at Maya and feel so awful for even thinking that way because I'm so infatuated with this little girl. She came from my body and, cliched as it sounds, she's as much a part of me as my heart is, even more so. Josh and I went for dinner and had my mum babysit her at the end of September and even though I was only away from her for a few hours...my entire body and soul craved to hold her again, I missed her so much it physically and emotionally gnawed at me until I got in the door and went to her.

It's being utterly and totally in love like I've never loved before and being totally and utterly exhausted like I've never been exhausted before.

Will try to update a little more regularly, even if it's only short posts.

Maya Photos

She's Here

Say hello to Maya Isabella Singer







She was born on her due date, August 27th, at 2:06am. So, she definitely doesn't take after her mother in that respect as I am never that spot on with time.

The labour was everything I'd hoped it would be. No pain relief whatsoever and just a quiet private labour spent with family. Started burning my Clary Sage in the oil burner to bring on labour before bed on Saturday night...Lower backache on the left side woke me back up around 11pm and, telling myself to preserve my energy as I was in this for the long haul, I went back to sleep. The next day was spent chillin out, reading the Sunday papers and hanging out with family....oh and breathing through contractions. They kept asking me if I wanted to go into hospital and I kept on prolonging it, choosing to go for a walk with my mum and mother in law along the beach at sunset. Went to walk the long pier that is there, which was thriving with people as it had been a warm day, but I only got halfway before I told mum and Rhonda I was done with it and "let's go back". Finally went to the hospital around 8pm and at 9pm, the midwife did an internal to find that I was only 1cm dilated.

1 cm! This is nuts, it had been 22 hours worth of contractions at this point! Josh and I got disheartened a little as the midwife said we will need to go home and could return when things started progressing. She did a 'sweep' of my uterus and said that, because I was a bit dehydrated, that she was going to hook me up to a saline drip to hydrate me before I went home...that she thought that might move things along.



Well, I was hooked up to the saline and Josh and mum got the oil burner going with clary sage and...let's just say that 5 hours later my body gave an almighty involuntary push all of a sudden and my water broke with a loud pop and it was push time! I was shocked because I thought I was nowhere near that stage yet! That clary sage is powerful stuff!

I remember, right before that happened, being on all fours and leaning against the beanbag and actually falling asleep! Looking back now, that was the 20 minutes of 'calm rest' the birth educators had told me happens right before a woman starts pushing the baby out. Thing is that, because I was so nervous that the midwife was going to send me home still (I know, silly...)when the midwife came in while I was resting, I tried to snap out of the sleep so that she wouldn't think I was nowhere near birthing the baby....sounds ludicrous now but I was kinda not with it totally at the time lol.

I got on all fours again and, hugging the bean bag, proceeded to let my body push our baby out the way it was designed to do. It was absolutely amazing to feel my body instinctively take over like that...I was just along for the ride and my body did it's thing! I remember feeling this weird series of pushes it would do, almost like a pant in motion...my lower belly region just heaved in short quick bursts and beared down. Josh was behind me being instructed by the midwife, as he was the one who was going to deliver our baby. My mum, Josh's mum and dad were in front of me helping me at THAT end (thankfully lol).

Then I heard Josh exclaim "Was that the head"? If I could talk right then, I would've said "Um hell yeah, that didn't feel like a foot" lol. Then, I felt the head emerge again, feeling a burning, splitting open sensation and I pushed with everything I had, thinking "Ok, I aint doing this halfway again, this time I'm pushing the head out totally and getting this over with". I heard Josh say "Oh wow, that's a full head of hair" and the head was out. It was such a weird sensation as I could feel the body still inside of me. Finally, bubs body came out too and Josh put bubs on the bed under my legs, telling me we had a girl and I looked down and picked her up and cried when I saw her little face.

Amazing....most amazing thing that has ever happened to me and ever will.....

Everything Good Is Inside Now

Josh and I moved to our apartment-by-the-beach two weekends ago. Also I started maternity leave the day before the move (August 3rd) and ever since then I've been a whir of activity...tying up loose ends, shopping for baby goodies, unpacking and storing away, washing baby clothes and blankets....then ironing them...

Ahhh nesting has begun...yes I admit it now.

I haven't really had a chance to practice my 'productive relaxation' that I was planning on doing before the in-laws and baby arrive. I wanted to:

* Work on editing alllll my photos I have stored on this computer, from Europe and other photography sprees I've partaken.

* Learn how to use Photoshop better...in fact, become quite excellent at it ;) (instead of my amatuerish attempts at editing and just getting by).

* Read all those REALLY great books that have accumulated in our bookshelf (oh there's SO many that deserve my attention).

* Think about something resembling birth preferences. You know, think of what things I can do to cope with the pain etc. Oh add to this, finish reading 'Birth Skills' by JuJu Sundin.

* Take some self-portrait-preggy-shots (and I'm not talking about the snapshots I've shot quickly in the mirror to email the belly-progress to everyone. I'm talkin' ARTY-FARTY, godammnit. Or something like it....

* Swim, take a yoga class or two....walk along the beach every day...

Ha, yep done NONE of the above yet....not for lack of want. This nesting/daily to-do task list has kinda taken OVER! Sigh.

Spent about 3.5 hours today ironing baby cot sheets, blankets, clothes etc and killed my back but at least I got to do it in front of Oprah and she's always good to iron to. Copped a nifty lil iron burn too...gotta love those ;)

Then, I called it a day at 4:30pm and wandered up to the shops, in search of a good hot chocolate...not thinking anyone around here would make my latest addiction: thick, hot Italian hot chocolate...oh mmmm.

But, I found a cafe in Pier Street, a 3 minute walk from our apartment, that makes it!!! I don't have to go all the way into the city now just to satisfy my craving!!! Have mercccyyyy, I'm gonna be a fatty-boomba after this baby is born haha.

I walked back home along the beach esplanade, breathing in the fresh sea air and watching the sky slowly darken, it's colors akin to Neopolitan ice cream and felt like the luckiest girl in the world. Here I am, on the eve of our first baby being born, living virtually across the road from the ocean, spending my days living in this beautiful place, in this beautiful country...and I have the most amazing man in the world by my side, have his love...and will get to marry him around this time next year. I have my family and their health....there's too many blessings to list and I'm probably sounding sickenly mushy but I don't care.

I have everything I could ever want in this world right now.

Rock This Womb

So we started playing music to bubby at night, sometimes. The Lion King in fact, getting that whole African thang going, sprung from the desire that this child will be some cool, missionary or something. Or at least someone that travels to places such as Nepal or Tibet or Africa and has a rich life. Think The Lion King will be a springboard for this idealistic vision of our childs life? Lol...

I've had such a dream run with my pregnancy *touch wood*. When other women chat to me about their pregnancies, either current or past, and relate all the things they went through and ask me what's happened with me so far...I almost feel guilty when I have to reply that, no, none of that uncomfortable stuff has happened to me. No heartburn, no sleepless nights (in fact I sleep deeper then ever now), no round ligament pain, no kicks in the ribs (ok...none YET...), morning sickness was uber mild and lasted only a few weeks at the beginning. Not that I'm counting anything out from happening, I still have about 6 weeks to go until this cherub is born...

I HAVE noticed a dip in energy levels since last week and, as much as I've been a little nervous of stopping work (falling out of the action and being at home is rut-inducing and I know how I get when I am a little directionless) I have started to feel a little relieved that soon I will be able to slow down the pace a little because of how body tired and achy I'm starting to feel. Thing is, when I fell pregnant and started doing the right thing by myself healthwise (stopped smoking, drinking coffee and alcohol, getting enough sleep etc) I've NEVER felt so much energy ...so maybe my energy levels have simply dropped back to what I had pre-Cornpop.

Along with all the energy I acquired, I've never felt such peace, positivity and contentment inside of me. I can almost hear some people roll their eyes at how cliche I sound..."Oh, she feels so FULFILLED as a woman...gimme a break rah rah rah...". Can't help it, it's true. It was just a feeling that spread through me like melted chocolate.

Had my latest appointment yesterday, at the birth centre. Bubby is still head down, thank god. That bubby's head was engaged was determined at the appointment before yesterday and I was hoping that he or she had stayed in that position. Only thing is that Cornpop is posterior, meaning that he/she is facing forward, instead of facing my spine. Midwife, while feeling around, said that Cornpop was almost in a froggy pose and I had an amusing visual of the cheeky little darling with hands flat open against the inside of the uterus and legs out at angles going "gribbit!".

I feel better having some idea where Cornpop is sitting inside of me, as I was feeling around the various bumps sticking out around my belly and had NO idea. Anyway, midwife wasn't too concerned that bubby is posterior at the moment, just gave me various tips on things to do to encourage a little spine facing from the cherub. Apparently, posterior babies just make labour a little harder then what it already is.

Downloading some music right now, for background music in the birthing suite when it comes time. Started playing some India Arie and Cornpop reacted immediantly and started moving about. Not sure whether that means "yay, I like it" or " turn that shit off, I'm sleepin".

Back to School

I think I'll just accept the fact that I'm a slacker, especially when it comes to recording my life online.

Josh and I started pre-natal classes, I just call them 'baby classes', about two weeks ago. We had our second class last night which was actually quite the eye-opener, in the sense that the person taking the class (Rhea Dempsey) pulls no punches. She's been a birth educator and attendant for about 30 years and has attended about 1000 births. When you think about the fact that one birth alone can exceed a persons regular shift of 8 hours, along with the intensity of the 'shift' that labour is...that's a loonnnng time hanging out amongst all that oxytocin and other hormones...

She's part of the natural birth coalition which means that she, along with others, are trying to claim back birth for women. Australia has an extremeley high rate of birth intervention and birth is now no longer a natural event but a very medicalised event. She basically mapped for us the pathways to intervention for a woman, starting from the moment she enters the hospital and where the weak spots exist that let the intervention happen (lack of experienced support people in the labouring woman's inner circle to stand up for her and encourage her to continue to labour naturally etc).

It gave me a lot of food for thought because I thought I had it set up and took for granted that my birthing environment will 100% support me in giving birth naturally, when really in this day and age, unless you have a home birth...having a natural birth these days is damn near impossible.

Another eye opener was when she told us that there will be a few points during the labour, guaranteed, where the woman will 'lose it' and start begging for the drugs. No matter how determined she was for a natural birth before that, she'll hit a period, let's call this 'shit's all coming undone' period, a couple of times during the labour. Usually, this is where, when she starts climbing up her partner yelling for the epidural, her partner thinks she's coming undone/somethings really wrong/let's speed this up so I can go back to bed' and calls for the staff to hook up the drugs.

Anyway, I need to make sure my mum and Josh's mum and dad are on the same page as Josh and I and think about various coping mechanisms for the pain that I can employ (stomping feet, vocalising, bath, etc etc).

Gave work my leaving date yesterday; August 3rd. 3 and a half weeks before I'm officially due. Work thinks I'm cutting it fine but we need the money.

Oh and great news! We have been apartment hunting for the past 3 or so months and been struggling to find anything that fit our budget and was decent (read: where the landlord would not have to pay US to live in the joint). We finally went and looked at a 2 bedroom apartment literally across the road from the beach in Altona that suited us down to the ground. Josh just called me and told me we got it! Yay! Melbourne is seriously harsh at the moment with the renters market, we keep hearing stories of people bidding for rentals as if they were at an auction, it's that competative and desperate! So, we're lucky to get this one, good score! Altona is a little further out west then I'd like (I'm an inner city girl) but reality is that there will be 3 of us soon and we can't afford inner city anymore (nor do we wanna pay the stupendous amounts landlords are asking for them...we want to buy our own house soon).

One down, one to go. Meaning, now Josh has to score a great job. I've been telling him that we'll find an apartment and he'll find a great job at around the same time. A bit of that 'when it rains, it pours' occurance that happens a lot. So, c'mon great job, your turn....!

Madame Zaritska Predicts...

'What she senses for you
The day you deliver, outside will be hazy. Your baby will arrive in the morning.

After a labor lasting approximately 18 hours, your child, a girl, will be born. Your baby will weigh about 8 pounds, 11 ounces, and will be 19 inches long. This child will have green eyes and a lot of hair.

But there is more. I sense that you wonder if you will have a difficult time during labor and birth. Why don't you go listen to an actual birth? It may give you some encouragement!'

The PJ Preggy Look

Here's me, 28 weeks pregnant and in PJ's...quite a good look, wonder if it'll catch on lol



And just a photo I took about 3 or 4 weeks ago, so I'd be around 24 or 25 weeks pregnant here...

Someone's Wedding Day...

...Josh and I were supposed to be those 'someones', today...

May 31st 2007...our wedding day. Y'know, the one that we took a raincheck on because a certain little cutie took up residence in my belly...

We would've been up and getting ready in our wedding-finery finest in warm Hawaii right now. I probably would have been battling pre-wedding nerves by downing a glass of champers and scoring warm giggly red cheeks in the process whilst my lovely make- up artist tried to tame my rebellious hair into submission.

It would've been sweet as, before I fell pregnant, it felt like the day would take forever to arrive but it would've been here today at last...except now we have another year to wait. And there's this mysterious and somewhat nerve-inducing period in between now and our new wedding day date, where we face this totally life-changing and new experience that neither of us have any idea how we're going to cope with. Will this baby be a bad sleeper, colicky, refluxy? Will I struggle to get back into shape, therefore not fit into my dress? Will we be ok financially where we can afford to get married in Hawaii come next May 31st 2008? Will we be able to pull a wedding together at the same time as learning to be parents?

The questions float around, not going anywhere because they can't really be answered right now.

Josh and I are gonna go out to James Squire Brewhouse, at the Docklands, for dinner tonight in recognition of our postponed wedding day. We might be dorks and try on our wedding rings (again) tonight too lol. My dress hangs patiently on the back of our bedroom door (s'ok, I trust Josh not to peek) but I don't think I will be trying THAT on anytime soon. My baby bump is BIGGGG now. (will post more photos soon).

I gotta get my butt into gear and get those arty-farty preggy shots of me done. I've been waiting until I had a substantial belly and uh *looking down* I think it's pretty substantial now. I was standing in the shower the other night and started laughing when I looked down and realized I now couldn't see my feet unless I bent over (and even that's getting tricky).

LOTS of Corn Pop movement in there, I'm loving it! I poked my belly last night before going to sleep only to feel Corn Pop poke me back as if to say "Ey, get off!". I'm feeling kicks, punches (sometimes all at the same time), squirms, the whole kit and caboodle and the more I feel, the more I fall in love with this little bean.

Sometimes I'll be laying on my couch and I'll feel bubby squirming around and it feels like he/she is trying to find a comfy spot and I close my eyes and try and visualize what he/she looks like in there, right at that point in time. I swear it'd be great to have a little window on my belly so I could see but, then again, I think it makes the birth so much sweeter because you're seeing them for the first time after waiting SO long, wondering, wondering...

I'm making a mental note to post more often. Here I am, 27 weeks pregnant, almost 28 weeks and I've only posted about it a couple of times. I mean, geeze, I only have 12 - 13 weeks to go! Bubby's almost cooked!

Happy One Year Pre-Wedding Anniversay, sweetheart! I can't, can't, can't, can't wait until the day we finally get married. Love you xxxooo

Cuppy Cake

Ok, this is too bloody cute for it's own good!!!

Hiya cutie!

These clips of our munchkin-in-utero were taken about a couple of weeks ago, at the 20 week ultrasound (we're 23 weeks pregnant in 2 days from now woo woo!).

Josh is convinced the munchkin is a girl (we did not find out the gender, we're leaving it as a surprise to unfold at the birth). He's very comfortable in saying "she..." now when he refers to bubs.



I was running the above clip on a loop one night a couple of weeks ago and realized that bubby actually turns his/her head suddenly to the right and puts his/her right hand up at the same time. As if to say "Talk to the hand". I do this, jokingly, to Josh quite a bit so ....nice to see bubby has picked up one of mummys habits already lol.

Oh You Baddd Mother!!!

An observation on pregnancy...there is an extraordinairy amount of scaremongering out there, directed at pregnant women/parents.

I have lost count of the amount of times I have become worried because I have had a question and turned to the internet/other resources to find answers.

From eating the 'wrong' foods (listeria) to suffering from the flu, I have almost drowned in the hysteria of medical know-it-all's who would seem to have us all believe that pregnancy is a new concept to tread carefully in and that all things will potentially cause our baby harm.

Never mind the fact that women have been having babies since the dawn of time. We would have died out as a race a long time ago if half the shit that's forced down pregnant women's throats was true.

On Monday I came down with a 'flu type virus' (at least that was the diagnosis the doctor gave me) so if I believe what I read, my child will have me to blame when he/she is diagnosed with schizophrenia down the track or has a 'below average intelligence'.

I could make him/her a t-shirt that says "I'm mentally challenged because my mother went and got contracted the flu when I was a fetus", just to save them the explanation.

As if new (and old) parents don't have enough to worry about!

Extending on the above observations, another thing I noticed is that all that information and advice whizzing out there for all us new parents to grab (or be slapped in the face by) is very contradictory! Holy crap! Expect to be given a "yes" and a "no" answer and all shades of grey in between for any question ya got, kiddos!

A Baby...? Or A Baby Elephant?

You may just need a forklift to lift this Corn Pop onto your lap if she/he keeps growing at the rate they're growing!

I feel like someone inserted a ripe watermelon into my stomach while I wasn't looking. Seriously, I can't even manage to look at a glass of water without wanting to groan because I feel full to the gills.

I'm only 23 weeks pregnant this Monday! Whoa me...stretch belly, s...t...r...e...t...c...h! This baby is gonna keep growing, belly of mine, so I kinda need you to, you know, go along with it (humour me).

For such a huge event in my life (probably the biggest) I have written sweet F.A about this coming baby. It really has been one of those times where I have been rendered quiet and have pulled new information into me, rather then expelled it out of me.

A life growing inside of a woman, for the first time, is a period of a big readjustment to life itself, of change, of contemplation, of learning, of facing bad habits and fears.

It's taking the deck of cards of your identity and reshuffling them totally, to deal yourself a new hand.

Ahhh Baby Brain...

And I thought I was rich in ditzy moments BEFORE I fell pregnant...

Baby-Brain Moment # 1: Standing in my kitchen in the morning, eating my cereal and staring vacantly at the contents of my pantry, vaguely wondering what was wrong with the picture I was looking at. Eventually realized I was staring at the carton of milk I had put on the pantry shelf, instead of in the fridge.

Baby-Brain Moment # 2: Yesterday morning, breakfast time again. Josh had already poured me a bowl of cereal and had it waiting for me. I pour milk onto cereal, put milk back in fridge. Ahh challenge completed successfully. Speak to Josh as I pull out OJ. Grab a bowl and absent mindedly begin to pour OJ into bowl. Half a 'glass' later, look down at bowl, look at Josh...cue laughing. Josh now has more material to pull out for down the track, when he wants to amuse others with ancedotes of his baby-brain-addled wife-to-be.

Baby-Brain Moment # 3: Today at work. Putting stationery away in their appropriate spots. The portable phone I carry around work is on the bench in front of me, in amongst other stationery tools. Finish packing away stationery, grab phone and head to kitchen. Get to kitchen and realize it wasn't the phone I grabbed, I am holding the stapler.

Nice.

It'll get worse, mark my words.

Baby's Got Bump

A view from the outside...





I'm 20 weeks pregnant today! Happy Halfway Point!!!

The Corn Pop is moving around and I feel soft little tapping kicks every now and then. A couple of weeks ago I started feeling this really strange movement that was decidedly different to the kick/taps I feel these days. Sounds awful to compare our baby to a reptile but the sensation was akin to feeling the weight of a boa constrictor on the floor of my uterus, sliding around. Very Alien-like...

God, I feel like I've started writing about this very late in the game...I mean I'm halfway through my pregnancy and this is only my second post about it. I guess I didn't have words for this amazing time, I was digesting all these changes.

Sleeping on my side (yep, I'm a devoted, life-long belly sleeper) is still taking some getting used to, even with the maternity body pillow I forked out good money for. It's too fat and my leg either falls off it through the night or I wake up in the morning and discover the pillow slacking off on the floor.

I've been keeping a secret...

The Thin Blue Lines



12 week ultrasound...




Chillin and just hangin around in the comfort of a Corn Pop's own womb...



Sucking his/her thumb




Fairy Fingers that like to tickle my belly from within...




I'm 17 weeks pregnant now and showing quite the baby bump already. The wedding has been postponed to May 2008, instead of May 2007 (damn and we would have had only a couple of months left to go until we were married this year!).

I've had a good run so far with the pregnancy! I got minimal morning sickness...I'd basically feel a little nauseous at different little points during the day/night but it felt like really mild car sickness. I changed my eating habits so that I had breakfast, a small morning snack, lunch, mid afternoon snack and dinner and so on, so I think the regular eating (thus keeping my blood sugars up and level) helped, as well as being blessed with good genes (my mum got off lightly in regards to morning sickness too when she was pregnant).

Was this pregnancy an 'oops'. Yeah. We're running with it though. Was it an ideal time? Is it ever an ideal time to jump in the deep end and have children? I don't think it ever really is. Thing is, we wanted kids within the next couple of years after the wedding anyway. This little one just decided to make his or her entrance a little earlier than expected.

So, wedding is postponed, I've given up smoking (Josh and I both quit when we found out about our bubby in tow), haven't touched a drop of alcohol or caffeine for the past few months, eat healthier then I've eaten in my entire LIFE, drink the recommended 2 litres of water a day and sleep more then I've EVER slept!

No wonder people say I look radiant! Forget about the hormones that create 'that pregnancy glow', my body is radiating healthy shock!

Josh and I are hammering away at our debts and paying stuff off in alarming amounts! I think this Corn Pop growing inside of me is forcing us to grow into ADULTS! Well, ME at least anyway, Josh was always more responsible and adult then I was... Lol.

So, that's our news. In the first few weeks of December, we went from finally ending the visa/immigration saga and securing a visa for Josh to stay and work in the country, a cancer scare...we had one whole week where we were allowed to inhale and exhale for the first time in a year...THEN....

......those two little ominous thin blue lines appear on the stick......

Hold on tight, we're off again...!

Results

ANOTHER post I wrote back in December....I've been so slack in my 'non-posting-way!

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Biopsy results back, it aint melanoma! Turned out to be a bloody (scuse the pun) heomatoma (sp?). Basically, a blood vessel burst under the toenail. It sure LOOKED like a melanoma.

A weeks gone by since my toenail was ripped off and it still hurts. Can kinda walk now without too much of a limp but it's my second day back at work and I find that I walk home from the train station after work and I'm hurtin. Stings like hell, still.

Co-workers are gettin good at callin me 'hop-a-long' lol!

Portrait of an abused toe, it still doesn't like me...



Meanwhile, I had meh hair done too....had some blonde streaks put in, check me oot!







I love, love, love when my hair has been straightened. WHY can't it be like that ALL the time, naturally?!

Eventful Day

Update: Below is another post that I had written early to mid december. I had it saved as a draft and have gotten off my ass finally to publish them as a proper post.

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It was funny at the immigration office this morning. We get in, after bouncing 'left of field' questions off each other, such as...

"Ok, which side of the bed do you sleep on....The one nearest the door....ok!"

"ok, so we use Colgate toothpaste but we aren't LOYAL Colgate users, no...we buy whatever's on sale, ok that's GREAT!"

etc etc

We get in and within 5 minutes the case worker says "well we have more then enough evidence and I'm satisfied you are a real couple and have been defacto (common law) for at least 12 mths. You should have your visa acceptance letter in a couple of days etc etc..."

We're like , look at each other, look at her...."Huh? That's IT?! You're not gonna ask us any questions?! We also thought we'd have to sit back and wait a couple of months to get an answer....?!"

She's looking at us all relaxed and says "No, I'm satisfied. You have given me more then enough evidence"

We weren't gonna fight it, although I was wanting her to ask away! We walked out of the building laughin and jumpin up and down and I was so happy I kissed Josh and grabbed his butt and a woman sitting nearby saw that and laughed and said "Oh you two are SO cute!"

The docs was...a little gruesome.

He took a look at 'the mole-like thing imbedded under my big toenail, told me that he would need to take the nail completely off and did I want to do it today?

I shuddered and replied "Uh yes, I want this over and done with, no more waiting.."

So, a nurse held my hand and let me squeeze it while he stuck needles in the webbing between big toe and next toe, then injected needles about 6 times all over toe. I reverted back to little-girl sookiness and when he asked me if I was ok, I was holding back tears and went "uh huh...just do it, make sure I DON'T FEEL A THING!"

So, I was told to close my eyes and not to look and felt the pressure of tugging and slicing and pulling and toenail was off and I started feeling pain, even though he had injected a blocker and numbed the area. It started stinging and hurtin like a muvver! I'm like "It's hurtin, is that normal?!" He said that kinda pain was normal, and proceeded to take whatever it was out to send to biopsy. Put the toenail back on and bandaged it.

I sat up and said "I'm sorry, toe! Don't hate me"

Basically been given strict instructions to keep it elevated at all times, can only walk and lower it to go to the bathroom and shower (with it in a plastic bag). Will get the results in a few days and go back to work on Tuesday, as they need to change the dressing on Monday.

Foot's elevated on cushions on the desk as I type and toe is still throbbing like it's been chopped off, no matter how strong the painkillers are.

Doc told me that if I don't stay off my feet and go to parties and such, my toe will tell him it's been partying, come Monday, which was funny. Josh says he can say anything smartalec to me and will be safe as I can't catch him, hobbling like I am now.

I just STARTED this awesome new job! I feel awful that I'm taking time off but they are being wonderful about it and telling me not to worry.