Mummy Kisses

Mummy Kisses, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

Thank god for baby slings, otherwise I wouldn't get anything done!

I have two carriers; the ever-popular Baby Bjorn and the Hugabub sling. Both are as good as the other but the Hugabub is more snug (but more fiddly to set up on oneself...let's just say that it comes with an instructional dvd). The Bjorn is very 'clip-and-go)

I'm finding that I have a good day with Little Miss Maya where she's all smiles and calm, followed by a shitty day where she's hard to please and cries a lot. I had a great day with her yesterday and felt re-energised , ready to take this motherhood gig by the horns. Then today has been a semi-shitty day where I tried to get out of the house but had to turn around 2 minutes into my walk as the bebe was howling in protest. I came home so frustrated and angry at her and felt like being mean and leaving her in her pram to cry it out but didn't...instead pulling her out and grudgingly putting her on the boob to feed without the usual cooing and general talking I normally do with her.

Then comes the guilt and the " I'm such an awful and mean mummy...!" thoughts. The ones where you think "She's so beautiful and is just a helpless little cherub who just wants cuddles/food/comfort from her mum while her mum is wanting to scream at her and walk away. How can I even THINK that way...?!"

Right now she's sleeping in her sling on my chest, turning her head from side to side in an effort to get comfortable (and failing, I think...I'll get her out to feed soon anyway).

I have a whole new and massive appreciation for parents in general now. Before, theoretically I knew parenthood really pulled one through the wringer, emotionally, mentally and physically but....wow.

Again, at the same time, I don't ever want to imagine my life without her. Besides her daddy, she is the love of my life.