Was pondering on our trip to Europe this March and how to beef up the equipment so that I can make the most of the photographic ops whilst we're there.
So I'm makin myself a little backup list of supplies to get instead of not having a Nikon D70/D50 to play with...( which would be awesome but oh well, shit happens ).
* Let's start with the obvious- lots of color ( Velvia ) and b&w film ( Tri-Max 400 or Ilford )
* A Holga camera.
* A cheapo tripod ( I have one at home that I SHOULD have bought with me to Toronto )
* Circular polarizer
* Filters : Blue, didymium, red, green and orange, moonlight blue ( Hoya range ), Neutral density filters ( list goes on, I'll be happy with one or three of those ).
* A flash
* Cable release
Hmmmm, that list adds up, then add the cost to process all the film afterwards and we got ourselves a doozy of a bill. Yet, if I get some awesome shots in Europe it will be worth it. Afterall, I am taking it for granted that I just may not get BACK to Europe for another shoot, should my first lot of photos turn out sub-par.
Hey, I may get to go back.... I'm not ruling that out, but I'm gonna treat this as my 'one time'.
Thursday, December 29, 2005
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Little Boys With Big Guns
For those who didnt hear, there was YET ANOTHER shooting in Toronto on Boxing Day.
Shooting in Toronto
Right in the heart of the downtown shopping district, in amongst the Boxing Day Sales crowd, some young idiots decided to open fire.
A 15 year old girl, out shopping for bargains with a parent, was killed when one of the bullets hit her in the head. Quite a few others were injured in the rain of random bullets.
I feel so angry and, at the same time, I am on the verge of tears because this poor innocent girl was cut down, she was simply out with her mum or dad and probably spending the money she got for xmas....! How horribly awful for her parent to watch their child just randomly, senselessly killed right in front of them.
Now she's dead. And the stupid fucks that decided it would be manly, it would be fun to shoot into a crowd probably dont give a shit at all.
When I heard there was another shooting I simply rolled my eyes and shook my head. There's been so MANY shootings in this city since I've been here and 99 % of the time its been 'gang shootings'. I instantly presumed this was another gang related incident.
I've always been pretty at ease walking around Melbourne. Some might say almost too confident but my 'danger signal' is finely tuned and I know when to be super cautious when I've been walking in the city or wherever back home.
I used to walk around in Bourke Street Mall and surrounding streets at night with no fear at all of being SHOT AT for gods sake ! Or injured in any other way. And I hope it stays that way...
In Toronto, however, I've gotten to the stage where I don't feel too safe even walking around in daylight, downtown. Let alone travelling alone to any other spot here. Toronto is a great city and I don't mean to 'bash' my adopted city but no one can really blame me for feeling uneasy.
I was planning on going downtown on Boxing Day, around that area where the shooting occurred, to do some shopping. Luckily I didnt go eh....
Once I was waiting for Josh outside a store. I was outside taking photos of the surrounding buildings and I was approached twice by men, one who hung around for no reason asking me questions. My hackles raised because I sensed he was up to no good. At that same time, a metre away from me was another guy, standing there. Again, I sensed something from him too. The two didnt appear to know each other but nontheless, each had their own agenda and I knew it. Josh came out of the store and we started walking past the second guy when he asked us for a ciggarette. We shook our heads and continued walking and he started to smartmouth us, following us. Josh immediantly went into 'work mode'. We finally lost the guy after a block and it was from there that the notion solidified that this particular Dorothy wasnt in Kansas anymore.
Another time, the day before we flew out to New Orleans we were sitting down on the pavement having a smoke before we went in to catch our train up to Josh's friends place. Sitting beside our luggage, we were minding our own business when some young punk with a bandana approached us and asked us for a smoke. Then he proceeded to stand there over us and grilled Josh.
" Hey, dont I know you "?
Josh remained calm and replied he didnt think so.
"Whats your name man. I know you. I know your face, yeah....."
The questions continued. He asked Josh if he was a cop and he was acting a little agitated and determined to figure out where exactly he knew Josh from. And it wasnt leading anywhere friendly. Josh encounters this problem a lot, considering the line of work he's in so Josh had been through this before and knew how to respond. The guy had something in his pocket and had his hand in there,playing with whatever it was. His stance was one of someone who was considering fastly whether to use the pocket item on Josh and run. Both Josh and my 'danger signals' were on high alert, needless to say. The kid also made note of me, telling Josh I looked like Alanis Morrisette ( what the fuck ! I was considering pulling something out of MY pocket and using it on him just for that !). I knew this comment was made to let Josh know that he had gotten a good look at his girl, for futures sake. We finally said we had a train to catch and 'see ya later mate' and we walked inside.
I remained calm, like Josh, but inside I was a little shaky. The calm facade was needed, akin to a situation when you're dealing with an agitated animal. NO sudden movvvvves.
To the ppl of Toronto, don't let your city continue on it's path to New York/LA status.
To these little boys running around with big guns thinking they're men because they're oh-so-tough and can shoot ppl, may their karma turn around to bite them so hard on the ass.
I just don't get how they think they're tough when all they do is apply pressure on a trigger with their finger. If they need to prove so badly that they're big tough guys, why cant they put away their weapons and go hand to hand combat.....with each other..... farrrrr away from anyone else.
Very far.
Mars, in fact.
Can Nasa hurry up and make that planet somewhat liveable so these punk thugs can go fuck off there ?
While we're at it, can we send a few politician fat-cats while we're at it ?
Oh and Ashley Simpson/Lindsay Lohan and co. can be missiled off as well.
Shooting in Toronto
Right in the heart of the downtown shopping district, in amongst the Boxing Day Sales crowd, some young idiots decided to open fire.
A 15 year old girl, out shopping for bargains with a parent, was killed when one of the bullets hit her in the head. Quite a few others were injured in the rain of random bullets.
I feel so angry and, at the same time, I am on the verge of tears because this poor innocent girl was cut down, she was simply out with her mum or dad and probably spending the money she got for xmas....! How horribly awful for her parent to watch their child just randomly, senselessly killed right in front of them.
Now she's dead. And the stupid fucks that decided it would be manly, it would be fun to shoot into a crowd probably dont give a shit at all.
When I heard there was another shooting I simply rolled my eyes and shook my head. There's been so MANY shootings in this city since I've been here and 99 % of the time its been 'gang shootings'. I instantly presumed this was another gang related incident.
I've always been pretty at ease walking around Melbourne. Some might say almost too confident but my 'danger signal' is finely tuned and I know when to be super cautious when I've been walking in the city or wherever back home.
I used to walk around in Bourke Street Mall and surrounding streets at night with no fear at all of being SHOT AT for gods sake ! Or injured in any other way. And I hope it stays that way...
In Toronto, however, I've gotten to the stage where I don't feel too safe even walking around in daylight, downtown. Let alone travelling alone to any other spot here. Toronto is a great city and I don't mean to 'bash' my adopted city but no one can really blame me for feeling uneasy.
I was planning on going downtown on Boxing Day, around that area where the shooting occurred, to do some shopping. Luckily I didnt go eh....
Once I was waiting for Josh outside a store. I was outside taking photos of the surrounding buildings and I was approached twice by men, one who hung around for no reason asking me questions. My hackles raised because I sensed he was up to no good. At that same time, a metre away from me was another guy, standing there. Again, I sensed something from him too. The two didnt appear to know each other but nontheless, each had their own agenda and I knew it. Josh came out of the store and we started walking past the second guy when he asked us for a ciggarette. We shook our heads and continued walking and he started to smartmouth us, following us. Josh immediantly went into 'work mode'. We finally lost the guy after a block and it was from there that the notion solidified that this particular Dorothy wasnt in Kansas anymore.
Another time, the day before we flew out to New Orleans we were sitting down on the pavement having a smoke before we went in to catch our train up to Josh's friends place. Sitting beside our luggage, we were minding our own business when some young punk with a bandana approached us and asked us for a smoke. Then he proceeded to stand there over us and grilled Josh.
" Hey, dont I know you "?
Josh remained calm and replied he didnt think so.
"Whats your name man. I know you. I know your face, yeah....."
The questions continued. He asked Josh if he was a cop and he was acting a little agitated and determined to figure out where exactly he knew Josh from. And it wasnt leading anywhere friendly. Josh encounters this problem a lot, considering the line of work he's in so Josh had been through this before and knew how to respond. The guy had something in his pocket and had his hand in there,playing with whatever it was. His stance was one of someone who was considering fastly whether to use the pocket item on Josh and run. Both Josh and my 'danger signals' were on high alert, needless to say. The kid also made note of me, telling Josh I looked like Alanis Morrisette ( what the fuck ! I was considering pulling something out of MY pocket and using it on him just for that !). I knew this comment was made to let Josh know that he had gotten a good look at his girl, for futures sake. We finally said we had a train to catch and 'see ya later mate' and we walked inside.
I remained calm, like Josh, but inside I was a little shaky. The calm facade was needed, akin to a situation when you're dealing with an agitated animal. NO sudden movvvvves.
To the ppl of Toronto, don't let your city continue on it's path to New York/LA status.
To these little boys running around with big guns thinking they're men because they're oh-so-tough and can shoot ppl, may their karma turn around to bite them so hard on the ass.
I just don't get how they think they're tough when all they do is apply pressure on a trigger with their finger. If they need to prove so badly that they're big tough guys, why cant they put away their weapons and go hand to hand combat.....with each other..... farrrrr away from anyone else.
Very far.
Mars, in fact.
Can Nasa hurry up and make that planet somewhat liveable so these punk thugs can go fuck off there ?
While we're at it, can we send a few politician fat-cats while we're at it ?
Oh and Ashley Simpson/Lindsay Lohan and co. can be missiled off as well.
Sunday, December 25, 2005
I Wish You...
...A Merry Happy Chrismukkah !!!
I'm all by me lonesome today, which doesnt bother me. My other half is workin 9 am until 9 pm today. I'm just sittin here drinkin a Baileys on ice, candles flickering nearby and the sound of the little electric heater blowing heat into the room.
Thought I'd be sick today as I had a bad headcold that hit me on Friday night but I made myself a honey lemon tea and I instantly felt 90 % back to normal. I knew the mixture was good but to go from dripping nose, sneezing every other minute, watery eyes, sinus pressure etc to good as gold the minute I finish drinking it ?! Wow !
That's some gooooooood shit.
All I do is fill one third of the cup with fresh lemon juice, pour in boiling water and mix a teaspoon of honey in. Forget about the cold and flu remedies out there, try the natural cure.
Josh and I celebrated last night, Chrismukkah Eve. I baked some chicken in a nice herb sauce and Josh made his unbelievably good potatoes. I groan with yumminess everytime I eat them, best potatoes I've ever had. We exchanged pressies. I got him a stand-in discman ( until I can get him the Ipod ) and he got me a sleek, sexy portfolio for me to showcase my photographs in. I love it !
The man has taste.
Missing the family xmas celebrations back home where we drink Ricadonna with mums strawberries marinated in brandy mixture. We'd get giggly tipsy before xmas lunch and in a fantastic mood. Merry Xmas to my girls back home, we'll take a raincheck on the xmas thing until next year.
Hope Santa was good to you !
I'm all by me lonesome today, which doesnt bother me. My other half is workin 9 am until 9 pm today. I'm just sittin here drinkin a Baileys on ice, candles flickering nearby and the sound of the little electric heater blowing heat into the room.
Thought I'd be sick today as I had a bad headcold that hit me on Friday night but I made myself a honey lemon tea and I instantly felt 90 % back to normal. I knew the mixture was good but to go from dripping nose, sneezing every other minute, watery eyes, sinus pressure etc to good as gold the minute I finish drinking it ?! Wow !
That's some gooooooood shit.
All I do is fill one third of the cup with fresh lemon juice, pour in boiling water and mix a teaspoon of honey in. Forget about the cold and flu remedies out there, try the natural cure.
Josh and I celebrated last night, Chrismukkah Eve. I baked some chicken in a nice herb sauce and Josh made his unbelievably good potatoes. I groan with yumminess everytime I eat them, best potatoes I've ever had. We exchanged pressies. I got him a stand-in discman ( until I can get him the Ipod ) and he got me a sleek, sexy portfolio for me to showcase my photographs in. I love it !
The man has taste.
Missing the family xmas celebrations back home where we drink Ricadonna with mums strawberries marinated in brandy mixture. We'd get giggly tipsy before xmas lunch and in a fantastic mood. Merry Xmas to my girls back home, we'll take a raincheck on the xmas thing until next year.
Hope Santa was good to you !
Monday, December 19, 2005
Who Were You In High School ?
So I went and took one of those junk quenstionaires...
I don't think the 'weirdness factor' has decreased with age...
| Arty Kid |
 Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique. You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented! |
I don't think the 'weirdness factor' has decreased with age...
Sunday, December 11, 2005
A belated Happy Aniversary post.
I havent paid much attention to my blog of late so now that I am paying it some attention...
HAPPY 1st Anniversay babe !!!
Our one year anniversay was last Sunday, the 4th of December. It was one year ago, on that date, that Josh arrived in Melbourne and we met face to face for the first time. I still remember that first meeting of eyes so vividly in my mind. I opened the door and fell into his gorgeous chocolate brown eyes and thought " Oh god yeah, he's a spunk " !
Haha.
He was putting his bags down and talking to me, his voice a little shaky from tiredness and maybe some nerves and all I could think of was kissing him. So I just walked over to him and stopped him mid-sentence by doing just that.
His parents organized an engagement party for us last Sunday and I asked them if they knew it was also our anniversay that day. They didnt know, it was just a coincidence that they chose that day of all days to throw an engagement party for us !
Family members flew in from Boston, LA, Phillidelphia, all over, to attend the party. Josh's parents hired caterers and waitresses for the night and the food theme was Thai. The food was very delicious ! Some of Josh's friends were there also. It was a great night. Josh and I were exhausted by the end of it though, from all the talking, to being pulled here and there to meet ppl etc.
Josh's mum is starting to feel it, starting to miss us already, obviously moreso Josh in particular. She has been getting teary and asking us to make sure we come back after a year of living back in Australia. The 4th December was no exception. She was watching me get ready in the bathroom before the party and pulled me into an embrace and started to cry a little. I got teary too. They feel like my family now, well they ARE my family now and I am going to miss them so much. It feels like when I left my family in Australia to come here. It's bittersweet.
At one point, before the party, I was standing at one end of the dining table and she at the other and we were both admiring the table being dressed so beautifully. She beckoned me over smiling and pulled me into a hug and said " This is to honour you..."
I wish more then anything that I could pick up both families and just put us all in one place. I really, really do...
Babe, I've said it before and I'll never tire of saying it as it's how I feel...I am the luckiest girl in the world because I have your heart. You come home at the end of a tiring day at work and cook for me, if I'm at work and you're not, you make sure I come home to cuddles and kisses and a hot meal. You are constantly here for me and give me more cuddles and kisses then I know what to do with, you listen and are interested in anything I have to say, regardless of how much of it is 'girl-talk', you are forever spoiling me with pedicures,manicures, backrubs, laughter, flowers.....Every single day you make me feel as if I'm the most beautiful, interesting, talented girl in the world. You make me feel as if my dreams and passions arent foolish and that I can fulfill them and do it well.
One thing my mum always told me: marry your best friend. Besides my family, you are my best friend and I cant wait to marry you and grow old with you.
HAPPY 1st Anniversay babe !!!
Our one year anniversay was last Sunday, the 4th of December. It was one year ago, on that date, that Josh arrived in Melbourne and we met face to face for the first time. I still remember that first meeting of eyes so vividly in my mind. I opened the door and fell into his gorgeous chocolate brown eyes and thought " Oh god yeah, he's a spunk " !
Haha.
He was putting his bags down and talking to me, his voice a little shaky from tiredness and maybe some nerves and all I could think of was kissing him. So I just walked over to him and stopped him mid-sentence by doing just that.
His parents organized an engagement party for us last Sunday and I asked them if they knew it was also our anniversay that day. They didnt know, it was just a coincidence that they chose that day of all days to throw an engagement party for us !
Family members flew in from Boston, LA, Phillidelphia, all over, to attend the party. Josh's parents hired caterers and waitresses for the night and the food theme was Thai. The food was very delicious ! Some of Josh's friends were there also. It was a great night. Josh and I were exhausted by the end of it though, from all the talking, to being pulled here and there to meet ppl etc.
Josh's mum is starting to feel it, starting to miss us already, obviously moreso Josh in particular. She has been getting teary and asking us to make sure we come back after a year of living back in Australia. The 4th December was no exception. She was watching me get ready in the bathroom before the party and pulled me into an embrace and started to cry a little. I got teary too. They feel like my family now, well they ARE my family now and I am going to miss them so much. It feels like when I left my family in Australia to come here. It's bittersweet.
At one point, before the party, I was standing at one end of the dining table and she at the other and we were both admiring the table being dressed so beautifully. She beckoned me over smiling and pulled me into a hug and said " This is to honour you..."
I wish more then anything that I could pick up both families and just put us all in one place. I really, really do...
Babe, I've said it before and I'll never tire of saying it as it's how I feel...I am the luckiest girl in the world because I have your heart. You come home at the end of a tiring day at work and cook for me, if I'm at work and you're not, you make sure I come home to cuddles and kisses and a hot meal. You are constantly here for me and give me more cuddles and kisses then I know what to do with, you listen and are interested in anything I have to say, regardless of how much of it is 'girl-talk', you are forever spoiling me with pedicures,manicures, backrubs, laughter, flowers.....Every single day you make me feel as if I'm the most beautiful, interesting, talented girl in the world. You make me feel as if my dreams and passions arent foolish and that I can fulfill them and do it well.
One thing my mum always told me: marry your best friend. Besides my family, you are my best friend and I cant wait to marry you and grow old with you.
Silence Amidst Snowfall
Well, last day before I become 'smoke-free' and although I know that the withdrawls are gonna blow and my mood is not gonna be the best because of aforementioned state of withdrawl, I really am ready to get off the ciggarettes.
I went to gym this morning, worked out on the elliptical (cross-trainer) machine for a grand total of 5 minutes before my breathing got so bad that I got off and walked to the stretch area, fearing I was gonna pass out.
Lol oh god I've never been that unfit before.
I did 10 mins of yoga and we were standing against the wall doing some form of 'yoga' moves and I just couldnt get my breathing right and felt a little nauseous. So I called it a day and proceeded to walk home.
It was gently snowing outside yet it wasnt cold. Snow covered everything, yet it felt as if it was a comfortable 18- 20 degrees celcius outside. Coulda been that I was still warm from gym but I didnt wear gloves at all during the 20 minute walk and my hands never felt cold.
I came to the cemetary and entered the white, peaceful world inside. I could hear the traffic on the main road running beside the cemetary but it was if I was encapsulated in a beautiful, quiet snowglobe. Snow blanketed the gravestones, here and there flowers stood defiantley through the fluffy substance. As I walked, a feeling of peace and wonder enveloped me. Big snowflakes fell down in the air around me, some coming to rest on my newly colored dark red hair, on my eyelashes, on my cheeks. I watched them silently float down around me, studied their different patterns, musing on how beautiful and unique each snowflake was. Every now and then a snowflake would float onto my lower lip and melt in an instant, my tongue sliding out to taste it.
And I felt good because I was living out an adventure. I was doing something with my life and experiencing the big wide world. There were so many moments in my life where I thought I'd never get out of bed again, never leave the house. Days where I would walk into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror, at the dark circles beneath my eyes, my sallow, puffy skin, my hair askew in every direction. Life, at those times, seeming to take more energy to live it then I could muster and I would think " I'm become such a mess, here I go again with pulling myself back together..." and I would feel as if I didnt have the energy to do it again....
But I always found the will from somewhere...pulled myself out of the big, black hole, dusted myself off and walked back to the party...
And here I am, living and working in North America, about to experience another of the things on my life ' To-Do' list; celebrating a white xmas like the white xmas's seen in movies. Where the characters drink eggnog, go ice-skating amidst beautiful xmas lights, fall on their ass on the snow,laughing.
The life 'To-Do' list is evergrowing and I don't think it will ever be completed but the fact that I'm checking stuff off on it feels great.
I wanna leave this plane knowing I did something kind cool, that my life was full and colorful and interesting.
Right now I'm thinking of hanging out with Tibetan monks for a while....wanna come along ?
Back to Toronto, this photo reminds me of ' The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe'. The Narnia Chronicles were a childhood favourite of mine and I cant wait to see the movie. I walk past this lion on my walk home from work.
A sunflower in the cemetary, again the one I walk through on my walk home from work.
I went to gym this morning, worked out on the elliptical (cross-trainer) machine for a grand total of 5 minutes before my breathing got so bad that I got off and walked to the stretch area, fearing I was gonna pass out.
Lol oh god I've never been that unfit before.
I did 10 mins of yoga and we were standing against the wall doing some form of 'yoga' moves and I just couldnt get my breathing right and felt a little nauseous. So I called it a day and proceeded to walk home.
It was gently snowing outside yet it wasnt cold. Snow covered everything, yet it felt as if it was a comfortable 18- 20 degrees celcius outside. Coulda been that I was still warm from gym but I didnt wear gloves at all during the 20 minute walk and my hands never felt cold.
I came to the cemetary and entered the white, peaceful world inside. I could hear the traffic on the main road running beside the cemetary but it was if I was encapsulated in a beautiful, quiet snowglobe. Snow blanketed the gravestones, here and there flowers stood defiantley through the fluffy substance. As I walked, a feeling of peace and wonder enveloped me. Big snowflakes fell down in the air around me, some coming to rest on my newly colored dark red hair, on my eyelashes, on my cheeks. I watched them silently float down around me, studied their different patterns, musing on how beautiful and unique each snowflake was. Every now and then a snowflake would float onto my lower lip and melt in an instant, my tongue sliding out to taste it.
And I felt good because I was living out an adventure. I was doing something with my life and experiencing the big wide world. There were so many moments in my life where I thought I'd never get out of bed again, never leave the house. Days where I would walk into the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror, at the dark circles beneath my eyes, my sallow, puffy skin, my hair askew in every direction. Life, at those times, seeming to take more energy to live it then I could muster and I would think " I'm become such a mess, here I go again with pulling myself back together..." and I would feel as if I didnt have the energy to do it again....
But I always found the will from somewhere...pulled myself out of the big, black hole, dusted myself off and walked back to the party...
And here I am, living and working in North America, about to experience another of the things on my life ' To-Do' list; celebrating a white xmas like the white xmas's seen in movies. Where the characters drink eggnog, go ice-skating amidst beautiful xmas lights, fall on their ass on the snow,laughing.
The life 'To-Do' list is evergrowing and I don't think it will ever be completed but the fact that I'm checking stuff off on it feels great.
I wanna leave this plane knowing I did something kind cool, that my life was full and colorful and interesting.
Right now I'm thinking of hanging out with Tibetan monks for a while....wanna come along ?
Back to Toronto, this photo reminds me of ' The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe'. The Narnia Chronicles were a childhood favourite of mine and I cant wait to see the movie. I walk past this lion on my walk home from work.
A sunflower in the cemetary, again the one I walk through on my walk home from work.
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Smoke-Free Countdown
So it starts...
On Tuesday morning I had a ciggarette at 10 am and didnt have another.
Until now: 8:30 pm Thursday night.
I felt really, REALLY good about quitting every single day whilst I was at work. But after work, when I would normally have a ciggarette and coffee, I felt the withdrawls. Yet, I still felt good, I felt clean. I just kept wondering if I'll ever get to that stage of not wanting a smoke, not missing it, looking at other ppl having a smoke and wondering how I could ever have been a smoker. It felt like this time around I wouldnt get to that point again. The last time I quit, I was horribly ill and in a lot of pain in hospital, anti-biotics being pumped by the truckload into my system to combat the contents of my burst appendix that were marinading surrounding organs. So, it was that I just didnt pick up another ciggarette after I got out of hospital and I never missed it.
Anyways, I caved in tonight and bought a packet. But I know now that my mind is ready to quit smoking, because I noticed how good I felt about it 80 % of the time over the last few days. I also noticed that, come 7 pm - 8 pm ....I was so sleepy that I'd fade into sleep on the couch...it was as if my body was recovering by turning to sleep.
So, over the next few days I resolve to cut down on smokes until the new quit day; Monday. I will make sure I'm better prepared. Over the next few days I'll take up gym slowly also and eat better. On Tuesday morning, I will visit with the chinese acupuncurist who is in residence at my work with the goal of acupuncture helping lessen the cravings.
So be prepared, next week is probably gonna be scattered with rantings of a girl who is giving up a strong holding vice.
Josh has given up. He had his last ciggarette with me last Tuesday morning as well but he seems to be in a better, stronger frame of mind then I am about it right at this point and he is doing SO well. I am very proud of him and I feel awful about letting him down because I caved tonight. But I will be quit soon too, so this is a temporary setback only....
On Tuesday morning I had a ciggarette at 10 am and didnt have another.
Until now: 8:30 pm Thursday night.
I felt really, REALLY good about quitting every single day whilst I was at work. But after work, when I would normally have a ciggarette and coffee, I felt the withdrawls. Yet, I still felt good, I felt clean. I just kept wondering if I'll ever get to that stage of not wanting a smoke, not missing it, looking at other ppl having a smoke and wondering how I could ever have been a smoker. It felt like this time around I wouldnt get to that point again. The last time I quit, I was horribly ill and in a lot of pain in hospital, anti-biotics being pumped by the truckload into my system to combat the contents of my burst appendix that were marinading surrounding organs. So, it was that I just didnt pick up another ciggarette after I got out of hospital and I never missed it.
Anyways, I caved in tonight and bought a packet. But I know now that my mind is ready to quit smoking, because I noticed how good I felt about it 80 % of the time over the last few days. I also noticed that, come 7 pm - 8 pm ....I was so sleepy that I'd fade into sleep on the couch...it was as if my body was recovering by turning to sleep.
So, over the next few days I resolve to cut down on smokes until the new quit day; Monday. I will make sure I'm better prepared. Over the next few days I'll take up gym slowly also and eat better. On Tuesday morning, I will visit with the chinese acupuncurist who is in residence at my work with the goal of acupuncture helping lessen the cravings.
So be prepared, next week is probably gonna be scattered with rantings of a girl who is giving up a strong holding vice.
Josh has given up. He had his last ciggarette with me last Tuesday morning as well but he seems to be in a better, stronger frame of mind then I am about it right at this point and he is doing SO well. I am very proud of him and I feel awful about letting him down because I caved tonight. But I will be quit soon too, so this is a temporary setback only....
Thursday, November 17, 2005
My Snow Cherry
....has been popped....so to speak...
Well, that isnt entirely accurate. I was born and grew up in a city which is a 4 hour drive from the mountains and it's accompanying snow and went there quite a few times as a wee lass growing up. I flew ,ungracefully, off many a tobbogan, I built many lumpy snowmen and placed the carrot on them in inappropriate places, I braved many a snowball churned hard at my head ( so that's whats wrong with me, blame snowballs).
And I also was recently in a place called Timmons, visiting Josh's family, where it had already snowed by the time we arrived. Ten inches in fact.
But as for snow where I live...well that cherry has been popped. It 'flurried' today, whilst I was taking a sneaky lunchbreak. The snowflakes dropping quietly down on the Toronto street in front of me caught my eye and I had to take a second, third, fourth look to make sure it was snow I was seeing and not weird rain.
Didnt wanna go back to the office to declare it was snowing and have the co-workers look outside and scoff " It's just raining" and roll their eyes at the silly aussie chic.
Then later, a co-worker pointed out the window at the snow flurrying down ( thats my word today, 'flurry' ) and she welcomed it with a " Shit, erggghhh it's snowing" as if she had just put a cane toad in her mouth. I, on the other hand, was mildly tickled.
But eh, I'll learn to pull the 'get this cane toad out of my mouth!" look before I leave in March, I'm sure.
Ice skating here I come !
Well, that isnt entirely accurate. I was born and grew up in a city which is a 4 hour drive from the mountains and it's accompanying snow and went there quite a few times as a wee lass growing up. I flew ,ungracefully, off many a tobbogan, I built many lumpy snowmen and placed the carrot on them in inappropriate places, I braved many a snowball churned hard at my head ( so that's whats wrong with me, blame snowballs).
And I also was recently in a place called Timmons, visiting Josh's family, where it had already snowed by the time we arrived. Ten inches in fact.
But as for snow where I live...well that cherry has been popped. It 'flurried' today, whilst I was taking a sneaky lunchbreak. The snowflakes dropping quietly down on the Toronto street in front of me caught my eye and I had to take a second, third, fourth look to make sure it was snow I was seeing and not weird rain.
Didnt wanna go back to the office to declare it was snowing and have the co-workers look outside and scoff " It's just raining" and roll their eyes at the silly aussie chic.
Then later, a co-worker pointed out the window at the snow flurrying down ( thats my word today, 'flurry' ) and she welcomed it with a " Shit, erggghhh it's snowing" as if she had just put a cane toad in her mouth. I, on the other hand, was mildly tickled.
But eh, I'll learn to pull the 'get this cane toad out of my mouth!" look before I leave in March, I'm sure.
Ice skating here I come !
Monday, October 31, 2005
Happy Halloweeny, Jelly-Beanie !
It's been awhile since I posted eh.
Lots going on lately, mainly work probs. I've been on the verge of quitting for a couple of weeks now. Just when I'm ready to quit, the boss pulls his head in and acts human and I think " Ok, if he can keep up the 'human' act, I can see the last 4 months out there". Then he'll pull something that pisses me off ....
It's a silly cycle.
It's Halloween tonight ! We got outta work reasonable early and I saw the cutest kidlets out and about in their costumes, accompanied by their parents. So kewt !
Josh bought home a massive pumpkin last night and I'm sitting here waiting for him to arrive home so that we can eat and carve. Then we're gonna go out wandering and I can give the various kidlet skeletons, ninja turtles, fairy queens and co. out there their treats ( yeah I stocked up ).
I keep thinkin of my nephews at home and wishin I could take them out on a REAL Halloween Trick-O-Treatin!
It's my beautiful Cody's 5th ( see that ! He's turnin the mighty FIVE ! ) birthday on Wednesday ( the 2nd ). I wish I could be there to celebrate it with him !!!
Lots going on lately, mainly work probs. I've been on the verge of quitting for a couple of weeks now. Just when I'm ready to quit, the boss pulls his head in and acts human and I think " Ok, if he can keep up the 'human' act, I can see the last 4 months out there". Then he'll pull something that pisses me off ....
It's a silly cycle.
It's Halloween tonight ! We got outta work reasonable early and I saw the cutest kidlets out and about in their costumes, accompanied by their parents. So kewt !
Josh bought home a massive pumpkin last night and I'm sitting here waiting for him to arrive home so that we can eat and carve. Then we're gonna go out wandering and I can give the various kidlet skeletons, ninja turtles, fairy queens and co. out there their treats ( yeah I stocked up ).
I keep thinkin of my nephews at home and wishin I could take them out on a REAL Halloween Trick-O-Treatin!
It's my beautiful Cody's 5th ( see that ! He's turnin the mighty FIVE ! ) birthday on Wednesday ( the 2nd ). I wish I could be there to celebrate it with him !!!
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Don't Buy Other's Negativity
Song Playing: Silence - By Mother Nature
&
Cars driving down the road - by Ford/Holden/Toyota et al.
One day, The Buddha was giving a lecture and a Brahmin got up and began insulting him. He raved for while and when he had finished the Buddha said,
"If somebody laid out a banquet in front of me, to whom would it belong?
"Obviously it would belong to the person who put it there..." replied the Brahmin.
"And if the person offered it to me," continued the Buddha, "and I declined to accept it, whose would it be?"
"Well obviously it would remain the property of the person who put it there."
"Just so," declared the Buddha. "just so."
*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
&
Cars driving down the road - by Ford/Holden/Toyota et al.
One day, The Buddha was giving a lecture and a Brahmin got up and began insulting him. He raved for while and when he had finished the Buddha said,
"If somebody laid out a banquet in front of me, to whom would it belong?
"Obviously it would belong to the person who put it there..." replied the Brahmin.
"And if the person offered it to me," continued the Buddha, "and I declined to accept it, whose would it be?"
"Well obviously it would remain the property of the person who put it there."
"Just so," declared the Buddha. "just so."
*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Prints For Katrina Charity Auction
Listening to : 'Circle Of Life' - Lion King Soundtrack.
Feelin better about everything today, maybe because I got up when it was still morning ( 10 am ) and got out and did a few things.
I asked the guys at The Photo Forum, a few days after the Katrina distaster, if they'd be interested in having a print auction to raise funds for the Katrina Aid Fund. They thought it was a great idea and Kara set about organising it.
Members offer a print of their own up for auction. If your interested in purchasing a print or two off these talented ppl Clicky For Auction
If you want to help Katrina victims and New Orleans get back on their feet, purchase a print ! The proceeds are all going to this worthy cause.
Some new shots of New Orleans are in my flickr gallery ( flickr gallery name: Luminosity)
More of my New Orleans piccies
Here's a couple of shots.....
Toodles !
Feelin better about everything today, maybe because I got up when it was still morning ( 10 am ) and got out and did a few things.
I asked the guys at The Photo Forum, a few days after the Katrina distaster, if they'd be interested in having a print auction to raise funds for the Katrina Aid Fund. They thought it was a great idea and Kara set about organising it.
Members offer a print of their own up for auction. If your interested in purchasing a print or two off these talented ppl Clicky For Auction
If you want to help Katrina victims and New Orleans get back on their feet, purchase a print ! The proceeds are all going to this worthy cause.
Some new shots of New Orleans are in my flickr gallery ( flickr gallery name: Luminosity)
More of my New Orleans piccies
Here's a couple of shots.....
Toodles !
Saturday, September 10, 2005
HomeSick
Yep.
Today's Saturday. I'm already dreading work on Monday.Actually I was dreading Monday as soon as I knocked off work last night.
Didnt have much energy or desire to do anything today. I know that I need to find another job and that I'll be not seeing much daylight, let alone Toronto, soon as I'll be working around 70 hours a week.
And I'm wondering.... I feel so tired after a 45 hour week, where some days I'll work 10- 11 hours...how am I gonna be with working 70 hours at TWO jobs I seriously dont like ?
Josh and I did the calculations on how much we need to save to move to Aus in March.
$ 14,000.
We need to save that, as well as pay both our own personal debts ( both are high ), as well as keep up with the rent and bills....
And that isnt including the $ 2,000 plus we need to bring Lucy with us.
I dont want to leave her behind.
I miss my family, vegemite, Flinders Street station, taking the train up to Seymour to see Ma, I miss my old place in North Fitzroy, cuddles from my nephews, laughs with my sisters.
Don't mind me. I'm having a moment.
I'm sure I'll feel better about everything soon.
Because I have Sparkle Motion !
Today's Saturday. I'm already dreading work on Monday.Actually I was dreading Monday as soon as I knocked off work last night.
Didnt have much energy or desire to do anything today. I know that I need to find another job and that I'll be not seeing much daylight, let alone Toronto, soon as I'll be working around 70 hours a week.
And I'm wondering.... I feel so tired after a 45 hour week, where some days I'll work 10- 11 hours...how am I gonna be with working 70 hours at TWO jobs I seriously dont like ?
Josh and I did the calculations on how much we need to save to move to Aus in March.
$ 14,000.
We need to save that, as well as pay both our own personal debts ( both are high ), as well as keep up with the rent and bills....
And that isnt including the $ 2,000 plus we need to bring Lucy with us.
I dont want to leave her behind.
I miss my family, vegemite, Flinders Street station, taking the train up to Seymour to see Ma, I miss my old place in North Fitzroy, cuddles from my nephews, laughs with my sisters.
Don't mind me. I'm having a moment.
I'm sure I'll feel better about everything soon.
Because I have Sparkle Motion !
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Louis Armstrong Once Said...
“Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans?”
Oh how I know...
Good article that echoes my sentiments
Love For carefree New Orleans remains vivid
I cant believe my favourite place is devastated and under water !
To think, if I had been born just a couple of weeks later, instead of the 13th of August, I would be there right now.....
Part of me is selflishly grateful that I got to walk it's streets and fall into it's enchantment once again, before it fought a losing battle to Hurricane Katrina. Yet, even more so, I just feel sad.
Sad for all who call The Big Easy home.
Sorrow for the drowning of a city that evolved beautifully into it's graceful old age. I scan pictures, flashing on my computer and tv screen, of the city now, looking for familiar streets and buildings.
The water is washing it's history and beautiful wrinkles away. Even after the floods have receded and the rebuilding begins, it may just become a glossy kodak photograph of it's former glory.
The news reporter delivers the news that N'awlins may become a ghosttown but I believe that she will always have life....
For this is her secret; the life and fun loving spirit of this place made each and every one of her old corners sparkle with a most mysterious beauty, spilling out over her cobblestoned streets, like an old, haunting song drifting out of a jazz club.
She'll start swimming soon, will put on her fine old dress and colorful beads and return to dance once again to her blues and jazz.
Don't leave us yet, Orleans, the party is far from over...
My heart and best wishes are with her and her inhabitants. I'm worried about the wonderful friends we made and left back there.
What has become of the ol saxophone player who stood daily in front of Cafe Du Monde and played ? Troy from the hotel ? Jeff from Cuvee ? The little girl who peeked around a corner playfully as I took her photograph ?
My Ilford film shots will be ready to pick up soon. God, am I hoping even more then ever that my shots turn out ok. One of my films might not, as it was ISO 3200 and I forgot to turn my camera setting. So I accidently shot a roll of 3200 with a camera set at 400.... :(
Please donate to the relief fund...
Red Cross
Also, this wonderful organisation needs help with it's amazing efforts...
Noah's Wish
Oh how I know...
Good article that echoes my sentiments
Love For carefree New Orleans remains vivid
I cant believe my favourite place is devastated and under water !
To think, if I had been born just a couple of weeks later, instead of the 13th of August, I would be there right now.....
Part of me is selflishly grateful that I got to walk it's streets and fall into it's enchantment once again, before it fought a losing battle to Hurricane Katrina. Yet, even more so, I just feel sad.
Sad for all who call The Big Easy home.
Sorrow for the drowning of a city that evolved beautifully into it's graceful old age. I scan pictures, flashing on my computer and tv screen, of the city now, looking for familiar streets and buildings.
The water is washing it's history and beautiful wrinkles away. Even after the floods have receded and the rebuilding begins, it may just become a glossy kodak photograph of it's former glory.
The news reporter delivers the news that N'awlins may become a ghosttown but I believe that she will always have life....
For this is her secret; the life and fun loving spirit of this place made each and every one of her old corners sparkle with a most mysterious beauty, spilling out over her cobblestoned streets, like an old, haunting song drifting out of a jazz club.
She'll start swimming soon, will put on her fine old dress and colorful beads and return to dance once again to her blues and jazz.
Don't leave us yet, Orleans, the party is far from over...
My heart and best wishes are with her and her inhabitants. I'm worried about the wonderful friends we made and left back there.
What has become of the ol saxophone player who stood daily in front of Cafe Du Monde and played ? Troy from the hotel ? Jeff from Cuvee ? The little girl who peeked around a corner playfully as I took her photograph ?
My Ilford film shots will be ready to pick up soon. God, am I hoping even more then ever that my shots turn out ok. One of my films might not, as it was ISO 3200 and I forgot to turn my camera setting. So I accidently shot a roll of 3200 with a camera set at 400.... :(
Please donate to the relief fund...
Red Cross
Also, this wonderful organisation needs help with it's amazing efforts...
Noah's Wish
She Drowns...
She Drowns
I kiss her hand and dance with her
She wears her finest old dress
Her eyes glitter mischief
and dark delightful secrets
Her plump juicy red lips move
across the lobes of my ear
and flutter like twin butterflies
as she sings her soulful nostalgic lullabies..
Scent of magnolia, drifts and curls
lazily inside my senses
Her slow, easy smile
All promise to haunt me
long after I leave her.
I loved her long before I danced in her mysterious ballroom
I hold her Southern Belle face
Sorrowfully kiss her eyelids
I am a daughter of Reality
It now beckons me back, possessively
So I turn and walk, to her my eyes keep turning back
My tears fall
upon her Big Easy streets
and she cries
The water starts to rise above her feet
From afar, my heart weeps
As she drowns.....
I kiss her hand and dance with her
She wears her finest old dress
Her eyes glitter mischief
and dark delightful secrets
Her plump juicy red lips move
across the lobes of my ear
and flutter like twin butterflies
as she sings her soulful nostalgic lullabies..
Scent of magnolia, drifts and curls
lazily inside my senses
Her slow, easy smile
All promise to haunt me
long after I leave her.
I loved her long before I danced in her mysterious ballroom
I hold her Southern Belle face
Sorrowfully kiss her eyelids
I am a daughter of Reality
It now beckons me back, possessively
So I turn and walk, to her my eyes keep turning back
My tears fall
upon her Big Easy streets
and she cries
The water starts to rise above her feet
From afar, my heart weeps
As she drowns.....
Monday, August 29, 2005
The Rock
I took this pic yesterday of my ring and thought I'd transform it on photoshop into an ad type of photo.... just regular Saturday afternoon muckin around...
Had to 'model' the ring on my thumb as it kept slippin around on the usual finger lol
The original
The manipulated.
EDIT: Since I've changed templates, the whole picture won't show. The full version is here My Rock, all Film Noir'ish
Had to 'model' the ring on my thumb as it kept slippin around on the usual finger lol
The original
The manipulated.
EDIT: Since I've changed templates, the whole picture won't show. The full version is here My Rock, all Film Noir'ish
Monday, August 22, 2005
A Little Song of Kismet
A cool and wonderful little instance happened whilst sitting in Cafe Du Monde, on our last day in New Orleans...
Wander into this cafe on any given day and you will find a Jazz musician/singer standing just outside the cafe's patio , serenading and entertaining folk who amble down there for some chicory Au Laite and beignets.
He stands there with his saxophone and trumpet and plays his jazz and blues, wearing his trusty ol hat, and you just know that this man knows Nawlin's and it's inhabitants ( whether they be permanent or temporary ) more then he knows anything else.
And he loves it all. Like a man who is still as in love with his old wife as the day they began their childhood sweetheartdom. His memories of her dewy, youthful beauty melting into her now age-lined and long-loved face. She is even more beautiful to him now.
On our first morning there, we watched as he pulled a $5 bill out of his case, earned from one of his many listeners, and gave it to a homeless man passing by. This struck a chord with Josh so he wandered over and gave him another $5.
On our last morning, we were sitting there, having just polished off our beignets. Josh got up, walked over to him and smiled at me as he whispered something in the man's ear.
Oh I knew what he was up to... I knew which song he requested and prepared for the blushing.
Sure enough, as Josh sat back down, the man came over to us and told everyone around us that Josh had just proposed to me, to the surrounding tables " Awwwwww's", smiles and little congratulatory claps. Then he proceeded to play his sax and sing 'Georgia On My Mind'.
Our song; it was the first we ever slow danced to together. Yes, I blushed...but I kissed Josh anyway and smiled a " Love you ..." to him.
Anyhoo, onto the kismet moment. A moment of recognition and a sense of something not only coming full circle, but of something completing the circle and beginning a larger one.
About two nights before we left for New Orleans, I found an old notebook full of letters to my best friend Lisa. It was started and written when we were 19 - 20 years old. We came up with the idea that we would write a notebook full of letters, in diary style, to each other. Then, once they were full, exchange them and readdddd away. I sat on the couch and reread this notebook titled 'Letters to Toot' until 2am, laughing at things that I had, up until that point, forgotten. Sometimes I laughed so hard I had tears. God, were we gloriously crazy back then.
I read one entry which described one perfect day in time and how, even at the time, I knew it to be wonderfully perfect. One Sunday, in the summer of '94, where I had wandered down to St Kilda beach and spent the day at the market, the beach, The Espy Hotel ( where my flatmate Jonathon worked as a roadie for a band ), meeting and sharing great conversations with a couple of strangers ( at different times that day) before parting ways. Going down to the beach after the band and just floating on the amazing atmosphere of St Kilda beach at night. Wading out into the warm water and lookin up at the moon and thinking of a place that, for some unknown reason, beckoned me and entranced me....New Orleans. I sat on the sand and talked to another stranger about New Orleans and he told me he had been there. The more we talked about the place, the stronger the pull to it inside of me grew.
I wandered up the beach some more, after sayin g'bye to this lad, sat on the sand again and lost myself even more in thoughts of Nawlins.
I believed, at the time, that walkin the streets of The Big Easy was a dream that I would never really fulfill. Akin to my little girl fantasy of being a famous actress one day...
Right then, a couple walked by with the biggest aura of happiness about them, carefree smiles on their faces, their entwined hands swinging playfully as they walked. And they were singing 'It Had To Be You' by Harry Connick Jr.
I remember watching them walk by, having been pulled out of my thoughts by their singing, and feeling ....I dunno how to describe it....as if this was momenteous in the smallest of ways...
Fast forward to present day, sitting in Cafe Du Monde with Josh, after the street musician sang and played our song.
The song he sang next: 'It Had To Be You'.
I sat there and listened and it took about 30 seconds to remember....
Recognition and an amazing feeling of " Wow...." filled me and I looked across at Josh and realized that not only had I really fullfilled a dream, but something bigger was sending me a message that I was where I was supposed to be, and it was smilin warmly...
Just as it did back when I was 19 years old on that warm summer's night on St Kilda Beach.
Wander into this cafe on any given day and you will find a Jazz musician/singer standing just outside the cafe's patio , serenading and entertaining folk who amble down there for some chicory Au Laite and beignets.
He stands there with his saxophone and trumpet and plays his jazz and blues, wearing his trusty ol hat, and you just know that this man knows Nawlin's and it's inhabitants ( whether they be permanent or temporary ) more then he knows anything else.
And he loves it all. Like a man who is still as in love with his old wife as the day they began their childhood sweetheartdom. His memories of her dewy, youthful beauty melting into her now age-lined and long-loved face. She is even more beautiful to him now.
On our first morning there, we watched as he pulled a $5 bill out of his case, earned from one of his many listeners, and gave it to a homeless man passing by. This struck a chord with Josh so he wandered over and gave him another $5.
On our last morning, we were sitting there, having just polished off our beignets. Josh got up, walked over to him and smiled at me as he whispered something in the man's ear.
Oh I knew what he was up to... I knew which song he requested and prepared for the blushing.
Sure enough, as Josh sat back down, the man came over to us and told everyone around us that Josh had just proposed to me, to the surrounding tables " Awwwwww's", smiles and little congratulatory claps. Then he proceeded to play his sax and sing 'Georgia On My Mind'.
Our song; it was the first we ever slow danced to together. Yes, I blushed...but I kissed Josh anyway and smiled a " Love you ..." to him.
Anyhoo, onto the kismet moment. A moment of recognition and a sense of something not only coming full circle, but of something completing the circle and beginning a larger one.
About two nights before we left for New Orleans, I found an old notebook full of letters to my best friend Lisa. It was started and written when we were 19 - 20 years old. We came up with the idea that we would write a notebook full of letters, in diary style, to each other. Then, once they were full, exchange them and readdddd away. I sat on the couch and reread this notebook titled 'Letters to Toot' until 2am, laughing at things that I had, up until that point, forgotten. Sometimes I laughed so hard I had tears. God, were we gloriously crazy back then.
I read one entry which described one perfect day in time and how, even at the time, I knew it to be wonderfully perfect. One Sunday, in the summer of '94, where I had wandered down to St Kilda beach and spent the day at the market, the beach, The Espy Hotel ( where my flatmate Jonathon worked as a roadie for a band ), meeting and sharing great conversations with a couple of strangers ( at different times that day) before parting ways. Going down to the beach after the band and just floating on the amazing atmosphere of St Kilda beach at night. Wading out into the warm water and lookin up at the moon and thinking of a place that, for some unknown reason, beckoned me and entranced me....New Orleans. I sat on the sand and talked to another stranger about New Orleans and he told me he had been there. The more we talked about the place, the stronger the pull to it inside of me grew.
I wandered up the beach some more, after sayin g'bye to this lad, sat on the sand again and lost myself even more in thoughts of Nawlins.
I believed, at the time, that walkin the streets of The Big Easy was a dream that I would never really fulfill. Akin to my little girl fantasy of being a famous actress one day...
Right then, a couple walked by with the biggest aura of happiness about them, carefree smiles on their faces, their entwined hands swinging playfully as they walked. And they were singing 'It Had To Be You' by Harry Connick Jr.
I remember watching them walk by, having been pulled out of my thoughts by their singing, and feeling ....I dunno how to describe it....as if this was momenteous in the smallest of ways...
Fast forward to present day, sitting in Cafe Du Monde with Josh, after the street musician sang and played our song.
The song he sang next: 'It Had To Be You'.
I sat there and listened and it took about 30 seconds to remember....
Recognition and an amazing feeling of " Wow...." filled me and I looked across at Josh and realized that not only had I really fullfilled a dream, but something bigger was sending me a message that I was where I was supposed to be, and it was smilin warmly...
Just as it did back when I was 19 years old on that warm summer's night on St Kilda Beach.
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Tiny Dancer
Will be back with more N'awlins stories but, for now, lyrics from one of my fave songs...
( I wish I could put an mp3 on here to play it as well...)
Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand
Jesus freaks out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad
Piano man he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the songs
The words she knows, the tune she hums
But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can't hear me
When I say softly, slowly
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand
- Elton John.
( I wish I could put an mp3 on here to play it as well...)
Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand
Jesus freaks out in the street
Handing tickets out for God
Turning back she just laughs
The boulevard is not that bad
Piano man he makes his stand
In the auditorium
Looking on she sings the songs
The words she knows, the tune she hums
But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you and you can't hear me
When I say softly, slowly
Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today
Blue jean baby, L.A. lady, seamstress for the band
Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man
Ballerina, you must have seen her dancing in the sand
And now she's in me, always with me, tiny dancer in my hand
- Elton John.
Thursday, August 18, 2005
News from New Orleans
Please bear with me on this super long post as I have a lot to write about...I don't even know where to start !
I'll probably be posting stories and happenings from other days but this particular post is gonna concentrate on my birthday, which was last Saturday August 13th.
Speaking of which, this blog turned 1 year old on that day !
Happy bloggiversay to SoulsJuice and stuffffff !
First up ...we stayed at this hotel International House
Josh and I awoke early and had breakfast in bed, which consisted of juice,coffee, bacon and yummy waffles. Leisurely room service at its best mmmmm.
Then we went downstairs around 9 am, where we got picked up by our tour bus which took us down to Lousianna swampland. This was were the swamp tour we had booked the day before commenced.
While we waited for the tour guides to beckon us to the airboat, we stood in the shaded deck area, which hugged the swamp, and spotted alligators galore. We started to get an understanding of just how hot it was on the swamp so I ran inside the tour office to grab sunscreen and water for Josh and myself.
Then we were led onto the airboat by a cajun dude in his 30's, put on earmuffs to drown out the roar of the engines and away we went. He took us all around the massive swamp, to all different sections of it.
The first time we stopped, the stench of rotten eggs and the heaviest of heat that we've EVER felt enveloped us. As the guide talked, I looked down at the water and thought to myself that the worst water in the world to fall into would be this.
Dirty, muddy, smelly water.... swarming with gators.
Niiiiiiiice.
We all sat there, literally sweating buckets, as we tried to cope with the overpowering heat.
We fed marshmellows to a young gator that approached the boat and were tickled by the fact that gators like eating these sweet items of food. We named this gator 'Cody-Gator', after my nephew, as it looked to be a young one.....not a baby but definitely nowhere near adulthood.
Anyway, we learnt a lot of interesting facts, told by a cajun fella whos family owned the land going back quite a few generations. He had grown up on the swamp and knew it like he knew the back of his hand.
So he knew his stuff....
Afterwards, we dawdled around and I decided I wanted to go for a Monsoon at the Port of Call for an afternoon drink before we went out to dinner. It was only 3 pm and our reservation was for 7 pm so we had time. We were only going to get the drinks to go and make our way back slowly...
Buttttt....we met a cool couple at Port and we stayed back and chatted. I was slowly sippin the Monsoon ( it comes in a milkshake size container). Finally we emerged and started walkin back to our hotel and I sipped and took photos and realized I was tipsy. I kept reassuring Josh that a cool shower would snap me out of my tipsiness, because I knew he was a bit worried. He had put a mammoth amount of planning with this restaurant and I knew he had been looking forward to the night, as was I. Yet with each tiny sip I started getting more giggly and, obviously, drunker. ( I gotta add that I was not even halfway through this one alcoholic drink of the day. So the drunkeness was highly surprising to me as I know my limits ).
At least, I know my limits in my normal circumstances, with my normal drinks.
We got back into the air-con'd hotel room and thats when the world started spinning sickenly fast.For the next hour I was paraletic drunk, not able to stand up without feeling as if I was gonna throw up and pass out.
Yes I was hugging that porcelein throne like it was my best friend.
I was aghast at how easily I had gotten so leglessly drunk on such a small amount of alcohol but it turned out that the reason for it was that I was that dehydrated from the morning spent at the swamp that the tiny amount I had sipped knocked me on my ass well and truly.
I knew how important the dinner was, how much Josh had put into it so I had no intentions of getting drunk at all.
I was mortified to say the least!
Poor Josh showered and got ready, asking with a worried look, if I wanted him to cancel dinner. I told him "No" and that I would pull myself outta this in time for dinner ( an hour away ). Also told him it was fine for him to wait downstairs at the hotel bar.
Then began the massive task of pulling myself out of the throes of alcoholic annihilation.
I had NO idea how I was going to pull this off but I was bloody determined like I've never been before lol !
I sat with my head between my knees in the shower , under cool water, cursing myself for letting this happen on today of all days. Asking for the god's of sobriety to help me out a little here. Made the usual bargains etc.
When I was able to stand up I went to get dressed and Josh came back with two glasses in his hand, telling me to drink them to feel better. The bartender downstairs had made club soda and bitters and told him to get me to drink it to settle my stomach, followed by coke as a chaser. So I sipped it like mad. Which caused me to throw up again......
It was only then that I started to feel human again.
Anyway I got dressed, did my hair and off we went to the restaurant. We were 15 minutes late but it's lucky we made it at all !
The general manager/ sommelier ( Jeff Kundinger) is a friend of Josh's brother, David ( who is also a well known sommelier by most ppl in the industry.)
They're both studying for their Master Sommelier Diploma, which isnt held by many people in the world.
We were treated like ROYALTY at this fantastic place, Cuvee !
It's one of the premier fine dining restaurants in New Orleans and we had the best table in the place so this was awesome.
We were waited on left, right and centre and served a different wine with each of our courses. We had 9 courses in total.
I didnt wanna look at alcohol at that stage but I sipped it anyway...feeling so bad that I couldnt enjoy it like I should've.
It turned out the restaurant had planned 15 courses for us but Josh had organised a horse-drawn carriage for us and it turned up around course 8. So Josh had to tell him to wait whilst we finished dinner.
Then Josh asked for my present to be bought to the table.It arrived in a Sak's Fifth Avenue box and Josh stood behind me while I opened it.Three layers of tissue paper later I arrived at a coffee table book which had a picture of a kite in the sky...that I had photographed at The Beaches in Toronto.
He had arranged for a coffee table book filled with all my 'arty' photographs, pictures of my family and pictures of us and his family ! It was titled ' A Little Book of Us' after the first little notebook I had written for him and sent to him for Valentines Day back in February. The first page had a photo of me as a little girl and him as a little boy, both of us around 2 years of age.
I started crying around the 2nd or 3rd page and tried to compose myself as I turned each page and he whispered descriptions in my ear, what each photo meant etc.
Then I turned to the last page, noticing Josh had knelt down beside me. The page showed a photo of a ring and a message superimposed over it, starting with "Dear Tina...". It was a few paragraphs from him telling me how much he loved me. Ending with..
" Will you marry me ?"
I turned to him and saw that he was on one knee and I whispered " Yes honey" ...I dont remember which order everything happened after that but there was a kiss and embrace, a beautiful solitaire diamond ring slipped on my finger and more whispers from me of " Of course I will marry you " and a whisper from him saying " I told you I'd court you ..."
Am I makin ya sick yet ? Oh theres more to come lol !
We got up to go and Jeff came up beaming and hugged me saying "Congratulations sweety! Welcome to the family ", followed by the other staff and surrounding tables.
After many congrats and smiles and peeks at the ring etc we went outside to the waiting horse drawn carriage and were taken around the French Quarter. I couldnt stop staring at the ring ! It is so beautiful ! Josh started calling all his family and telling them I said yes as we took in the amazing sight of New Orleans on a warm summer night.
After half an hour, we were dropped off at our hotel room. Got a photo taken of us on the carriage....
...and I was led upstairs. Josh reassured me that " there's one more thing ...".
My jaw just kept on dropping.
Sure enough, he opened our hotel room door and I was greeted by the sight of a room lit up by strawberry tealight candles and red rose petals absolutely everywhere. On the bed, the windowsills, the bathroom... not one section of the room was uncovered.
The sight and scent of the room was amazing! A bucket stood on the sidetable, a bottle of champagne in it and two flutes next to it. Jazz music was playing.
My god, this night could NOT get any more romantic and memorable then this !
It turns out everyone that had contact with Josh knew about his plans and loved what he was doing.
I was filled in after this by Josh, about what had gone on 'behind the scenes'.
When we first arrived at our hotel room in New Orleans, on day one, he had left me for an hour to 'do something'. It turns out he went out in search of gift wrapping for my book. He searched everywhere, finally trying Sak's as a last resort. He approached a saleswoman and she said, with regret, that she couldnt gift wrap anything that wasnt purchased at the store. So he told her of his plans. He ended up with 4 or 5 salesgirls around him, looking through the coffee table books and listening to his plans ( a few of them actually had tears ) and the woman told him " Honey, I dont care if I get into trouble, I'm going to help you ! " in her southern drawl and proceeded to wrap the book for him. They made him promise to bring me back the next day.
Which he kept to. We were greeted with hugs and congrats the Sunday following and we spoke to one of the girls for awhile. She told us that our story, and the saleswoman who helped him, would be written about in an article of their Sak's newsletter which is circulated in all the Sak's store across the U.S.
Sunday night we had dinner at the Port Of Call where the bartender we had made friends with asked us if he could buy us a couple of glasses of champagne to celebrate our engagement.
I still couldnt stomach alcohol at this point so we declined.
Then later that night, our hotel manager, Troy, who we had also befriended during our stay ( and who also knew of Josh's plans ) asked if he could buy us drinks at the hotel bar.
Man, all these free drinks when I cant DRINK ! Murphy's Law !
Josh also told me that, when he was sitting at the hotel bar waiting for me to sober up and pull myself together, he was so stressed he started downing doubles. His brother called him and Josh explained his panic and his brother told him...
" Man, first of all, if you get drunk.....this AIIIINNNNNT gonna work ...". The girl tending bar asked him where he was going that night, looking all nice and he explained " I'm meant to be proposing to my girlfriend in approximately two hours and she's upstairs puking her guts up !". The girl took charge, saying " Honey, we're gonna fix this , dont you worry...!" and proceeded to make the club soda and coke that he took up to me.
A funny little bit of info.... I wasnt the only thrower-upper of the night. Josh was so nervous that he went to the bathroom at Cuvee after the third course and threw up also lol !
Josh's brother and sister-in-law were going to help him out by paying for dinner. David had told Jeff to put it all on his credit card. Yet Jeff confessed to Josh that he wasnt going to even charge David for it.
Cuvee comped our whole night there ( $ 400 - 500 worth of food and wine ) !! They declared it was a pleasure to be part of our night and to help make it so memorable.
I just wished that I didnt get so wasted on a quarter of a Monsoon so that I could fully enjoy the food and wine as it should've been enjoyed !
As we later learnt, when Josh asked for my gift to be bought out, the entire staff ( waiters, chef's, head chef's, Jeff etc ) all dropped what they were doing and crammed around the kitchen door to watch him propose. We didnt even notice them !
Also Jeff told Josh that about 6 tables there that night had complained about the fact that we had been given the best table in the establishment over them. Jeff explained to one couple that it was a case of his friends brother was going to propose to his girlfriend this night, hence why we were being so utterly spoiled by them in every facet. The woman of this complaining couple replied " Well how do you know MY husband isnt going to propose to ME ?!
Ummmm......maybe because you're already married ?
Snooty rich people used to getting their way, but not getting it that night lol.
Best......birthday.......EVER !!!
Babe I love you so so much. You make me the happiest I've ever been and I feel like the most loved, luckiest person in the world with you. I cant wait to marry you and it would be an honour to be your wife.
For those I know and who wanna come along to the wedding, it's gonna be on a beach in Hawaii around the end of next year/start of 2007. Start savin the pennies haha!
To see other photos of our night at Cuvee/carriage ride/ hotel room etc...as well as other photos of our stay in New Orleans, clicky here Piccies! !
( More photos will be added soon ).
I'll probably be posting stories and happenings from other days but this particular post is gonna concentrate on my birthday, which was last Saturday August 13th.
Speaking of which, this blog turned 1 year old on that day !
Happy bloggiversay to SoulsJuice and stuffffff !
First up ...we stayed at this hotel International House
Josh and I awoke early and had breakfast in bed, which consisted of juice,coffee, bacon and yummy waffles. Leisurely room service at its best mmmmm.
Then we went downstairs around 9 am, where we got picked up by our tour bus which took us down to Lousianna swampland. This was were the swamp tour we had booked the day before commenced.
While we waited for the tour guides to beckon us to the airboat, we stood in the shaded deck area, which hugged the swamp, and spotted alligators galore. We started to get an understanding of just how hot it was on the swamp so I ran inside the tour office to grab sunscreen and water for Josh and myself.
Then we were led onto the airboat by a cajun dude in his 30's, put on earmuffs to drown out the roar of the engines and away we went. He took us all around the massive swamp, to all different sections of it.
The first time we stopped, the stench of rotten eggs and the heaviest of heat that we've EVER felt enveloped us. As the guide talked, I looked down at the water and thought to myself that the worst water in the world to fall into would be this.
Dirty, muddy, smelly water.... swarming with gators.
Niiiiiiiice.
We all sat there, literally sweating buckets, as we tried to cope with the overpowering heat.
We fed marshmellows to a young gator that approached the boat and were tickled by the fact that gators like eating these sweet items of food. We named this gator 'Cody-Gator', after my nephew, as it looked to be a young one.....not a baby but definitely nowhere near adulthood.
Anyway, we learnt a lot of interesting facts, told by a cajun fella whos family owned the land going back quite a few generations. He had grown up on the swamp and knew it like he knew the back of his hand.
So he knew his stuff....
Afterwards, we dawdled around and I decided I wanted to go for a Monsoon at the Port of Call for an afternoon drink before we went out to dinner. It was only 3 pm and our reservation was for 7 pm so we had time. We were only going to get the drinks to go and make our way back slowly...
Buttttt....we met a cool couple at Port and we stayed back and chatted. I was slowly sippin the Monsoon ( it comes in a milkshake size container). Finally we emerged and started walkin back to our hotel and I sipped and took photos and realized I was tipsy. I kept reassuring Josh that a cool shower would snap me out of my tipsiness, because I knew he was a bit worried. He had put a mammoth amount of planning with this restaurant and I knew he had been looking forward to the night, as was I. Yet with each tiny sip I started getting more giggly and, obviously, drunker. ( I gotta add that I was not even halfway through this one alcoholic drink of the day. So the drunkeness was highly surprising to me as I know my limits ).
At least, I know my limits in my normal circumstances, with my normal drinks.
We got back into the air-con'd hotel room and thats when the world started spinning sickenly fast.For the next hour I was paraletic drunk, not able to stand up without feeling as if I was gonna throw up and pass out.
Yes I was hugging that porcelein throne like it was my best friend.
I was aghast at how easily I had gotten so leglessly drunk on such a small amount of alcohol but it turned out that the reason for it was that I was that dehydrated from the morning spent at the swamp that the tiny amount I had sipped knocked me on my ass well and truly.
I knew how important the dinner was, how much Josh had put into it so I had no intentions of getting drunk at all.
I was mortified to say the least!
Poor Josh showered and got ready, asking with a worried look, if I wanted him to cancel dinner. I told him "No" and that I would pull myself outta this in time for dinner ( an hour away ). Also told him it was fine for him to wait downstairs at the hotel bar.
Then began the massive task of pulling myself out of the throes of alcoholic annihilation.
I had NO idea how I was going to pull this off but I was bloody determined like I've never been before lol !
I sat with my head between my knees in the shower , under cool water, cursing myself for letting this happen on today of all days. Asking for the god's of sobriety to help me out a little here. Made the usual bargains etc.
When I was able to stand up I went to get dressed and Josh came back with two glasses in his hand, telling me to drink them to feel better. The bartender downstairs had made club soda and bitters and told him to get me to drink it to settle my stomach, followed by coke as a chaser. So I sipped it like mad. Which caused me to throw up again......
It was only then that I started to feel human again.
Anyway I got dressed, did my hair and off we went to the restaurant. We were 15 minutes late but it's lucky we made it at all !
The general manager/ sommelier ( Jeff Kundinger) is a friend of Josh's brother, David ( who is also a well known sommelier by most ppl in the industry.)
They're both studying for their Master Sommelier Diploma, which isnt held by many people in the world.
We were treated like ROYALTY at this fantastic place, Cuvee !
It's one of the premier fine dining restaurants in New Orleans and we had the best table in the place so this was awesome.
We were waited on left, right and centre and served a different wine with each of our courses. We had 9 courses in total.
I didnt wanna look at alcohol at that stage but I sipped it anyway...feeling so bad that I couldnt enjoy it like I should've.
It turned out the restaurant had planned 15 courses for us but Josh had organised a horse-drawn carriage for us and it turned up around course 8. So Josh had to tell him to wait whilst we finished dinner.
Then Josh asked for my present to be bought to the table.It arrived in a Sak's Fifth Avenue box and Josh stood behind me while I opened it.Three layers of tissue paper later I arrived at a coffee table book which had a picture of a kite in the sky...that I had photographed at The Beaches in Toronto.
He had arranged for a coffee table book filled with all my 'arty' photographs, pictures of my family and pictures of us and his family ! It was titled ' A Little Book of Us' after the first little notebook I had written for him and sent to him for Valentines Day back in February. The first page had a photo of me as a little girl and him as a little boy, both of us around 2 years of age.
I started crying around the 2nd or 3rd page and tried to compose myself as I turned each page and he whispered descriptions in my ear, what each photo meant etc.
Then I turned to the last page, noticing Josh had knelt down beside me. The page showed a photo of a ring and a message superimposed over it, starting with "Dear Tina...". It was a few paragraphs from him telling me how much he loved me. Ending with..
" Will you marry me ?"
I turned to him and saw that he was on one knee and I whispered " Yes honey" ...I dont remember which order everything happened after that but there was a kiss and embrace, a beautiful solitaire diamond ring slipped on my finger and more whispers from me of " Of course I will marry you " and a whisper from him saying " I told you I'd court you ..."
Am I makin ya sick yet ? Oh theres more to come lol !
We got up to go and Jeff came up beaming and hugged me saying "Congratulations sweety! Welcome to the family ", followed by the other staff and surrounding tables.
After many congrats and smiles and peeks at the ring etc we went outside to the waiting horse drawn carriage and were taken around the French Quarter. I couldnt stop staring at the ring ! It is so beautiful ! Josh started calling all his family and telling them I said yes as we took in the amazing sight of New Orleans on a warm summer night.
After half an hour, we were dropped off at our hotel room. Got a photo taken of us on the carriage....
...and I was led upstairs. Josh reassured me that " there's one more thing ...".
My jaw just kept on dropping.
Sure enough, he opened our hotel room door and I was greeted by the sight of a room lit up by strawberry tealight candles and red rose petals absolutely everywhere. On the bed, the windowsills, the bathroom... not one section of the room was uncovered.
The sight and scent of the room was amazing! A bucket stood on the sidetable, a bottle of champagne in it and two flutes next to it. Jazz music was playing.
My god, this night could NOT get any more romantic and memorable then this !
It turns out everyone that had contact with Josh knew about his plans and loved what he was doing.
I was filled in after this by Josh, about what had gone on 'behind the scenes'.
When we first arrived at our hotel room in New Orleans, on day one, he had left me for an hour to 'do something'. It turns out he went out in search of gift wrapping for my book. He searched everywhere, finally trying Sak's as a last resort. He approached a saleswoman and she said, with regret, that she couldnt gift wrap anything that wasnt purchased at the store. So he told her of his plans. He ended up with 4 or 5 salesgirls around him, looking through the coffee table books and listening to his plans ( a few of them actually had tears ) and the woman told him " Honey, I dont care if I get into trouble, I'm going to help you ! " in her southern drawl and proceeded to wrap the book for him. They made him promise to bring me back the next day.
Which he kept to. We were greeted with hugs and congrats the Sunday following and we spoke to one of the girls for awhile. She told us that our story, and the saleswoman who helped him, would be written about in an article of their Sak's newsletter which is circulated in all the Sak's store across the U.S.
Sunday night we had dinner at the Port Of Call where the bartender we had made friends with asked us if he could buy us a couple of glasses of champagne to celebrate our engagement.
I still couldnt stomach alcohol at this point so we declined.
Then later that night, our hotel manager, Troy, who we had also befriended during our stay ( and who also knew of Josh's plans ) asked if he could buy us drinks at the hotel bar.
Man, all these free drinks when I cant DRINK ! Murphy's Law !
Josh also told me that, when he was sitting at the hotel bar waiting for me to sober up and pull myself together, he was so stressed he started downing doubles. His brother called him and Josh explained his panic and his brother told him...
" Man, first of all, if you get drunk.....this AIIIINNNNNT gonna work ...". The girl tending bar asked him where he was going that night, looking all nice and he explained " I'm meant to be proposing to my girlfriend in approximately two hours and she's upstairs puking her guts up !". The girl took charge, saying " Honey, we're gonna fix this , dont you worry...!" and proceeded to make the club soda and coke that he took up to me.
A funny little bit of info.... I wasnt the only thrower-upper of the night. Josh was so nervous that he went to the bathroom at Cuvee after the third course and threw up also lol !
Josh's brother and sister-in-law were going to help him out by paying for dinner. David had told Jeff to put it all on his credit card. Yet Jeff confessed to Josh that he wasnt going to even charge David for it.
Cuvee comped our whole night there ( $ 400 - 500 worth of food and wine ) !! They declared it was a pleasure to be part of our night and to help make it so memorable.
I just wished that I didnt get so wasted on a quarter of a Monsoon so that I could fully enjoy the food and wine as it should've been enjoyed !
As we later learnt, when Josh asked for my gift to be bought out, the entire staff ( waiters, chef's, head chef's, Jeff etc ) all dropped what they were doing and crammed around the kitchen door to watch him propose. We didnt even notice them !
Also Jeff told Josh that about 6 tables there that night had complained about the fact that we had been given the best table in the establishment over them. Jeff explained to one couple that it was a case of his friends brother was going to propose to his girlfriend this night, hence why we were being so utterly spoiled by them in every facet. The woman of this complaining couple replied " Well how do you know MY husband isnt going to propose to ME ?!
Ummmm......maybe because you're already married ?
Snooty rich people used to getting their way, but not getting it that night lol.
Best......birthday.......EVER !!!
Babe I love you so so much. You make me the happiest I've ever been and I feel like the most loved, luckiest person in the world with you. I cant wait to marry you and it would be an honour to be your wife.
For those I know and who wanna come along to the wedding, it's gonna be on a beach in Hawaii around the end of next year/start of 2007. Start savin the pennies haha!
To see other photos of our night at Cuvee/carriage ride/ hotel room etc...as well as other photos of our stay in New Orleans, clicky here Piccies! !
( More photos will be added soon ).
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Man, I Love Hairdressers...
...that listen to me ....
So I dont like my new hairdresser right now ...
(I posted this on the Lypton Village Forum
so just copying and pasting...)
I think my hairdresser is deaf, in fact.
I like blonde.
I like blonde hair on me.
I know my hair is damaged and thirsting for moisture but my hairdresser back home always was able to make me blonde, as long as I promised to hit it with lots of protein treatments afterwards ( and yeah I tended to be a bit slack with actually doing that)
My hair had some green tinges through it ( thats never happened before and, no, I havent been swimming ).
I said I wouldnt mind going a LITTLE darker blonde , if I HAD to, as long as it was BLONDE.
MY hairdresser was on her own agenda. Now I'm brunette.
It looks a fair bit lighter in these pics then it actually is. Maybe some ppl will say " Oh but it suits you ..." etc but I like what I like and brown isnt it. Also, considering the fact that its a freshly colored look, this is only going to become a very boring dull color when it starts to fade etc. AND when I have to go back to my curly style ( my hair was straightened today after the color ).
I'll have to go back tomorrow and ask for them to lighten it and I hate doin that, I feel embarressed and as if I'm pissin em off. They're gonna go on about how my hair is so pourous and damaged blahdy blah blah but *sigh*......
I was on the verge of tears on the way home, kept glancing into shop windows to look at my new brunette 'do.
Here it actually 'looks' blonde ...only looks that way because of the lighting in the apt but THIS I would've been ok with. It's a lot darker in reality.
So I dont like my new hairdresser right now ...
(I posted this on the Lypton Village Forum
so just copying and pasting...)
I think my hairdresser is deaf, in fact.
I like blonde.
I like blonde hair on me.
I know my hair is damaged and thirsting for moisture but my hairdresser back home always was able to make me blonde, as long as I promised to hit it with lots of protein treatments afterwards ( and yeah I tended to be a bit slack with actually doing that)
My hair had some green tinges through it ( thats never happened before and, no, I havent been swimming ).
I said I wouldnt mind going a LITTLE darker blonde , if I HAD to, as long as it was BLONDE.
MY hairdresser was on her own agenda. Now I'm brunette.
It looks a fair bit lighter in these pics then it actually is. Maybe some ppl will say " Oh but it suits you ..." etc but I like what I like and brown isnt it. Also, considering the fact that its a freshly colored look, this is only going to become a very boring dull color when it starts to fade etc. AND when I have to go back to my curly style ( my hair was straightened today after the color ).
I'll have to go back tomorrow and ask for them to lighten it and I hate doin that, I feel embarressed and as if I'm pissin em off. They're gonna go on about how my hair is so pourous and damaged blahdy blah blah but *sigh*......
I was on the verge of tears on the way home, kept glancing into shop windows to look at my new brunette 'do.
Here it actually 'looks' blonde ...only looks that way because of the lighting in the apt but THIS I would've been ok with. It's a lot darker in reality.
Sunday, July 24, 2005
100 Things.
Feeling creative, wanting to write. Decided to just keep these creative juices flowing into something, well, substantially creative by just keeping the fingers moving.
A'la lil exercise doing just that. The tv is on so I'm not in ideal writer-modeness.
At least, not the mode needed to come up with an orginal story concept.
100 things I like/love.
1. The smell of fresh bread drifting from a bakery first thing in the morning.
2. The first scent of Spring.
3. Laughing until the tears roll and the belly hurts.
4. Cute kids sitting in prams ( strollers ).
5. Weekends where I dont have to go or be anywhere.
6. Movie nights.
7. Watching an inspiring movie.
8. Listening to a great song/album.
9. Watching and hearing a baby giggle.
10. Watching Josh shave in the shower.
11. Kissing Josh.
12. Ok well, anything Josh in general.
13. Long, luxurious massages.
14. Tulips. Any color.
15. Lillies of any kind.
16. Listening to someone speaking spanish.
17. Photography. Particularly black and white.
18. Drooling over SLR's ( Nikon D70, commmmme to mama )
19. That endorphin rush after exercise ( not that I do any these days blah ).
20. Most documentaries.
21. Reading National Geographic.
22. Smell of freshly brewed coffee.
23. Kahlua.
24. Baileys.
25. Shooting a good photo and looking at it and thinkin " Oohhh, I captured that ?! Maybe I have some knack for this ...."
26. Talking to my nephews. Being called a Do-Do Head by Wise, Elder Nephew( pronounced doe-doe ).
27. Kisses on the back of my neck from the J-Man ( he planted a few on me just now and I remembered how much I love em haha ).
28. Long, stimulating, great conversations about anything.
29. Stroking Lucy's fur and chatting to her after a long day at work.
30. Feeling optimistic that I can, one day, stop wasting my days stuck in a mind-numbingly boring office ( or any job I have zero passion for ).
God that job is BORING. Ditto the office-talk that comes with it. I would easily spend my day just doing my job and not have to participate in the, mostly gossipy, chatter but then it would just seem that I'm rude and snobby.
( Josh was just on the computer and added things to my list such as having wild monkey sex with him etc but my sisters, who read this blog, dont need that visual so I think I'll leave those ones out, ahem ).
Sorry Nikki, you've still got that visual huh. Think of dolphins or somethin to anihilate the thought.
31. Reading a great story with an original plot.
Cookie cutter stories with cookie-cutter dialogue, characters and ending cause my mind to lie back and think of England, cursing me for subjecting it to yet another wham-bam-thank-you-mam story equivalent to Leisure-Suit Larry.
32. The sweet scent of summer rain after a bout of hot,humid days.
33. Margahritas ( I swear I'm not alcoholic ).
34. Dreams of travelling to places such as Tuscany, Rome, Greek Islands, Spain, St Petersburg, Africa ....list goes onnnnnnn.
35. Dreaming of owning a house of ocean views in Italy or any beautiful place thats warm all year round and spending my days writing and taking photos.
36. Daydreams in general.
37. The taste of a rich, chocolately milk rolling over my tongue. ( lately it's been Rolo flavoured milk ).
38. Being overcome by a frenzy of creativity.
39. Warm, soft sunlight on my bare skin.
40. Animals.
41. Dolphins and whales. Learning about them.
42. Not having the tv on.
43. Walking around discovering a new city.
44. Falling into bed feeling exhausted, after a productive day, and knowing I can sleep in the next morning.
45. Expanding on # 38, not being able, or wanting, to stop once the creative juices are flowing.
46. Hearing about people saving/caring for animals.
47. Sitting on a lookout over a city and gazing upon the city lights, watching lightening in the distance.
48. Being safely indoors and listening to and watching a thunderstorm.
49. Coming home, taking a hot shower and getting into soft, warm flannelette pj's and fluffy slippers in the cold of winter.
50. (When I am that way ) being fit.
51. Gazing out the car window out into the dark night on long drives when I was a kid. Or resting my head against a pillow and falling asleep during these drives.
52. The knowledge that my mum is there to take care of me if I'm sick or need her T.L.C for any other reason....regardless of my age.
53. Purity.
54. Seeing and listening to a good, passionate, handclapping gospel choir of amazing voices.
55. Watching the All Blacks perform a haka before a match. Watching the faces of the opposing team in response trying not to shit themselves.
56. The way kids tell it 'how it is'. Not much comes out of their mouths edited for others easy conspumption.
57. The wonder of children. The 'newness' of everything to them, yet the juxtaposing organic wisdom they also possess.
58. Singing along to Jeff Buckley's 'Last Goodbye' out of tune and Josh turning up the tv to drown me out.
Causing me to sing LOUDER.
59. Finding old diaries/letters/scraps of paper with random poetry/thoughts of mine and sitting down and reading them.
60. That feeling of release when I cry.
61. Yawning.
62. The fact that even thinking about yawning produces one.
63. Invisibility.
64. Reading an interesting blog ( and mine isnt one of em. I'm positive that maybe only 4 people read this and they're family members and friends.)
65. Graffiti that makes me go " Wow, great point! Y'know I never thought of it that way...."
66. The smell of petrol.
67. Watching my cat zoom around the apartment and leap into the air, either playing with her ball or her imaginary friends she hasnt yet introduced us to.
68. Also, witnessing the domestics she has with her scratching post.
They get into some serious arguements.
She has to take off into another room for alone time, ending it 20 seconds later by zooming back into the room and pouncing on it all " I missed youuuuuu.I'm sowwwwy !" like.
69. This number. Naughty,naughty.
70. Cute firemen in their uniforms. Hummina Hummina.
71. Sensing my nana near and feeling she is watching over me.
72. Hanging out with my sisters and mum.
73. Having my apartment sparkly clean and smelling yummy due to incense or candle.
74. Hanging out in bookstores.
75. Philosophy.
76. Sitting on a beach and watching a sunrise or sunset. The way the scent of the ocean clears my mind of worries, fears and doubts and opens up to answers, ideas and a calmer sense of being.
77. Revisiting favourite childhood books. The Narnia Chronicles, The Magic Faraway Tree, The Water Babies, Snugglepot & Cuddlepie, The Witches....to name a few.
I just realized a lot of this list are book themed. Moving on...
78. Dancing.
79. Sweet closure on past painful events. Moving on knowing that I've grown from it and that things always happen for a reason.
80. Fiestas, street festivals.
81. Water slides.
82. Seeing wedding parties out getting their photos taken before they head to their reception. Searching for the bride to check out her dress.
83. Accomplishing goals.
I always dreamt ( but never seriously thought I'd do it ) that I'd travel. New Orleans was always one of those spots I fantasized about exploring. I am living this dream right now, albeit poor as a mule on a mountainside. In debt up the wazoo at the mo but is it worth it? Affirmative.
It took a certain amount of " Stop thinking 'One Day I will...." and get off your ass and do it right now'..."
Next stop: going back to school and getting a degree/diploma etc.
84. Vegemite toast and crumpets. Apply butter, wait a moment while it melts into said crumpet/piece of toast, spread vegemite on until its all melty itself, eat. Aussie in her happy place.
85. Mexican food. Italian food.
86. Knocking off work on a Friday.
87. Wandering around a marketplace with money to burn. St Kilda Foreshore Market on a sunny, beautiful Sunday is a fave one. Walking along the Upper Esplanade, checking out all the wonderful, original items for sale and enjoying the view of St Kilda beach, then going for coffee down Acland Street. Ahhhh I miss that.
88. Feeling loved.
89. Brightening up someones day. Even if its something as simple as smiling at a stranger who, unbenownst to me, has been having a shitty day up until then.
90. Beautiful, unique jewellery.
Simple, delicate and elegant silver/platinum/white gold or funky, one of a kind, symbolic pieces are me. I dont wear a lot of jewellery but, when I do, I do it in a K.I.S.S ( keep it simple schweetheart ) kinda style.
91. Double Hit popcorn from Kernels
92. Pickled onions. Not the sweet ones, the big fat vinegary ones.
93. Eating fruit that isnt overly ripe (is still pretty firm to the touch) and tangy. Mangoes, blackberries, plums ( mmmmm Blood plums), pineapples, peaches etc. Cutting up a lemon and eating it as is or drinking freshly squeezed straight lemon juice is also goooooooooood.
94. Tropical climates.
95. Candles.
96. Knee high, zip up black boots with platform heels.
I cant wear heels that make my feet arch.
97. Having long nails and getting them all frenchy manicured. Frenchy pedicures too.
98. Perfume: Angel, Jean Paul Gaultier, Strawberry Oil ( from The Body Shop).
Theres a lot of perfumes I like but these are my sig scents.
99. Being afforded another day.
100. Finding more things to add to this list.
I cant believe you've actually read right down to here.
A'la lil exercise doing just that. The tv is on so I'm not in ideal writer-modeness.
At least, not the mode needed to come up with an orginal story concept.
100 things I like/love.
1. The smell of fresh bread drifting from a bakery first thing in the morning.
2. The first scent of Spring.
3. Laughing until the tears roll and the belly hurts.
4. Cute kids sitting in prams ( strollers ).
5. Weekends where I dont have to go or be anywhere.
6. Movie nights.
7. Watching an inspiring movie.
8. Listening to a great song/album.
9. Watching and hearing a baby giggle.
10. Watching Josh shave in the shower.
11. Kissing Josh.
12. Ok well, anything Josh in general.
13. Long, luxurious massages.
14. Tulips. Any color.
15. Lillies of any kind.
16. Listening to someone speaking spanish.
17. Photography. Particularly black and white.
18. Drooling over SLR's ( Nikon D70, commmmme to mama )
19. That endorphin rush after exercise ( not that I do any these days blah ).
20. Most documentaries.
21. Reading National Geographic.
22. Smell of freshly brewed coffee.
23. Kahlua.
24. Baileys.
25. Shooting a good photo and looking at it and thinkin " Oohhh, I captured that ?! Maybe I have some knack for this ...."
26. Talking to my nephews. Being called a Do-Do Head by Wise, Elder Nephew( pronounced doe-doe ).
27. Kisses on the back of my neck from the J-Man ( he planted a few on me just now and I remembered how much I love em haha ).
28. Long, stimulating, great conversations about anything.
29. Stroking Lucy's fur and chatting to her after a long day at work.
30. Feeling optimistic that I can, one day, stop wasting my days stuck in a mind-numbingly boring office ( or any job I have zero passion for ).
God that job is BORING. Ditto the office-talk that comes with it. I would easily spend my day just doing my job and not have to participate in the, mostly gossipy, chatter but then it would just seem that I'm rude and snobby.
( Josh was just on the computer and added things to my list such as having wild monkey sex with him etc but my sisters, who read this blog, dont need that visual so I think I'll leave those ones out, ahem ).
Sorry Nikki, you've still got that visual huh. Think of dolphins or somethin to anihilate the thought.
31. Reading a great story with an original plot.
Cookie cutter stories with cookie-cutter dialogue, characters and ending cause my mind to lie back and think of England, cursing me for subjecting it to yet another wham-bam-thank-you-mam story equivalent to Leisure-Suit Larry.
32. The sweet scent of summer rain after a bout of hot,humid days.
33. Margahritas ( I swear I'm not alcoholic ).
34. Dreams of travelling to places such as Tuscany, Rome, Greek Islands, Spain, St Petersburg, Africa ....list goes onnnnnnn.
35. Dreaming of owning a house of ocean views in Italy or any beautiful place thats warm all year round and spending my days writing and taking photos.
36. Daydreams in general.
37. The taste of a rich, chocolately milk rolling over my tongue. ( lately it's been Rolo flavoured milk ).
38. Being overcome by a frenzy of creativity.
39. Warm, soft sunlight on my bare skin.
40. Animals.
41. Dolphins and whales. Learning about them.
42. Not having the tv on.
43. Walking around discovering a new city.
44. Falling into bed feeling exhausted, after a productive day, and knowing I can sleep in the next morning.
45. Expanding on # 38, not being able, or wanting, to stop once the creative juices are flowing.
46. Hearing about people saving/caring for animals.
47. Sitting on a lookout over a city and gazing upon the city lights, watching lightening in the distance.
48. Being safely indoors and listening to and watching a thunderstorm.
49. Coming home, taking a hot shower and getting into soft, warm flannelette pj's and fluffy slippers in the cold of winter.
50. (When I am that way ) being fit.
51. Gazing out the car window out into the dark night on long drives when I was a kid. Or resting my head against a pillow and falling asleep during these drives.
52. The knowledge that my mum is there to take care of me if I'm sick or need her T.L.C for any other reason....regardless of my age.
53. Purity.
54. Seeing and listening to a good, passionate, handclapping gospel choir of amazing voices.
55. Watching the All Blacks perform a haka before a match. Watching the faces of the opposing team in response trying not to shit themselves.
56. The way kids tell it 'how it is'. Not much comes out of their mouths edited for others easy conspumption.
57. The wonder of children. The 'newness' of everything to them, yet the juxtaposing organic wisdom they also possess.
58. Singing along to Jeff Buckley's 'Last Goodbye' out of tune and Josh turning up the tv to drown me out.
Causing me to sing LOUDER.
59. Finding old diaries/letters/scraps of paper with random poetry/thoughts of mine and sitting down and reading them.
60. That feeling of release when I cry.
61. Yawning.
62. The fact that even thinking about yawning produces one.
63. Invisibility.
64. Reading an interesting blog ( and mine isnt one of em. I'm positive that maybe only 4 people read this and they're family members and friends.)
65. Graffiti that makes me go " Wow, great point! Y'know I never thought of it that way...."
66. The smell of petrol.
67. Watching my cat zoom around the apartment and leap into the air, either playing with her ball or her imaginary friends she hasnt yet introduced us to.
68. Also, witnessing the domestics she has with her scratching post.
They get into some serious arguements.
She has to take off into another room for alone time, ending it 20 seconds later by zooming back into the room and pouncing on it all " I missed youuuuuu.I'm sowwwwy !" like.
69. This number. Naughty,naughty.
70. Cute firemen in their uniforms. Hummina Hummina.
71. Sensing my nana near and feeling she is watching over me.
72. Hanging out with my sisters and mum.
73. Having my apartment sparkly clean and smelling yummy due to incense or candle.
74. Hanging out in bookstores.
75. Philosophy.
76. Sitting on a beach and watching a sunrise or sunset. The way the scent of the ocean clears my mind of worries, fears and doubts and opens up to answers, ideas and a calmer sense of being.
77. Revisiting favourite childhood books. The Narnia Chronicles, The Magic Faraway Tree, The Water Babies, Snugglepot & Cuddlepie, The Witches....to name a few.
I just realized a lot of this list are book themed. Moving on...
78. Dancing.
79. Sweet closure on past painful events. Moving on knowing that I've grown from it and that things always happen for a reason.
80. Fiestas, street festivals.
81. Water slides.
82. Seeing wedding parties out getting their photos taken before they head to their reception. Searching for the bride to check out her dress.
83. Accomplishing goals.
I always dreamt ( but never seriously thought I'd do it ) that I'd travel. New Orleans was always one of those spots I fantasized about exploring. I am living this dream right now, albeit poor as a mule on a mountainside. In debt up the wazoo at the mo but is it worth it? Affirmative.
It took a certain amount of " Stop thinking 'One Day I will...." and get off your ass and do it right now'..."
Next stop: going back to school and getting a degree/diploma etc.
84. Vegemite toast and crumpets. Apply butter, wait a moment while it melts into said crumpet/piece of toast, spread vegemite on until its all melty itself, eat. Aussie in her happy place.
85. Mexican food. Italian food.
86. Knocking off work on a Friday.
87. Wandering around a marketplace with money to burn. St Kilda Foreshore Market on a sunny, beautiful Sunday is a fave one. Walking along the Upper Esplanade, checking out all the wonderful, original items for sale and enjoying the view of St Kilda beach, then going for coffee down Acland Street. Ahhhh I miss that.
88. Feeling loved.
89. Brightening up someones day. Even if its something as simple as smiling at a stranger who, unbenownst to me, has been having a shitty day up until then.
90. Beautiful, unique jewellery.
Simple, delicate and elegant silver/platinum/white gold or funky, one of a kind, symbolic pieces are me. I dont wear a lot of jewellery but, when I do, I do it in a K.I.S.S ( keep it simple schweetheart ) kinda style.
91. Double Hit popcorn from Kernels
92. Pickled onions. Not the sweet ones, the big fat vinegary ones.
93. Eating fruit that isnt overly ripe (is still pretty firm to the touch) and tangy. Mangoes, blackberries, plums ( mmmmm Blood plums), pineapples, peaches etc. Cutting up a lemon and eating it as is or drinking freshly squeezed straight lemon juice is also goooooooooood.
94. Tropical climates.
95. Candles.
96. Knee high, zip up black boots with platform heels.
I cant wear heels that make my feet arch.
97. Having long nails and getting them all frenchy manicured. Frenchy pedicures too.
98. Perfume: Angel, Jean Paul Gaultier, Strawberry Oil ( from The Body Shop).
Theres a lot of perfumes I like but these are my sig scents.
99. Being afforded another day.
100. Finding more things to add to this list.
I cant believe you've actually read right down to here.
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Babe !!!
HAPPY ONE YEAR CYBERVERSARY SWEETHEART !!! Here's to one year of becoming aware of each others presence in this big world.
Heres to falling in love with each other and crossing this world just to be together.
You make me so happy and continue to amaze me with everything you do and everything you are.I want to fill you up with as much happiness and contentment.
Dunno about you but I plan to put many numbers in between ' Happy __ Cyberversary' !
The one year Anniversary is cominnnnnn (December 4th )! Buckle ya seatbelt.
Love you honey
Thursday, July 14, 2005
A Note On Religion
Just a note about the previous post....
The intelligent and loving force of our world which I refer to is not sprung from any religious dogma or doctrines. I dont subscribe to them and, frankly, people who try to push their 'beliefs' down my throat piss me off.
While such people may have good intentions, I wish they would realise that other peoples quiet quest for some understanding of spiritual truth is a deeply personal journey that, ultimately, only they can make alone.
The teachings which you pursue are great, whether it be via a book, in a church, a spiritual leader etc ...if it all taps into that place inside of you where YOU are bought closer to understanding. It is but a tool in order to do this.
I, however, am going to listen to my own heart, find my own way to tap into it, listen to what feels right. So I need those people, who get into my business, to stop spouting their doctrines long enough, so that I have the quiet required to hear this almost inaudible whispering deep down in my soul.
If I have to get naked and dance around a fire like a lunatic to do this then handddddd me the matches babbbbyyy !
And don't peek at my sinful pagan butt, willya ! I'm shy ;)...
Some call this being 'God'..some call it by other names.
There are many incarnations and names of this mysterious force, in religions across the board. Differing interpretations are wonderful and good.
To veto another's interpretation, because it doesnt support your own is just ignorant. And ignorance and intolerance is at the heart of many forms of ugliness humans wreak on each other.
We have some religious teachings cultivated and twisted by man over the centuries to support whatever bias/purpose of particular powerful establishments at the time.
For anyone or anything that didnt support the 'status quo', that held differing beliefs and ways of living ....well such 'unsavoury' individuals and information went 'buh bye'...
( or, at least, some groups of people tried to make them go buh bye..).
History is rife with supression and murder, committed by humans in the name of 'God' and organised religion.
I feel that there are kernels of truth in religious teachings.
Yet it is the tonne of embellishment ( along with the omission of conflicting information ) , laid nice and thick on top of it all, that I cant ( and wont ) swallow and stomach.
The game of 'Chinese Whispers' springs to mind.
I'm not attacking anyone's belief system here. I am merely getting fed up with people ringing my doorbell at my home, preaching Christianity at me through the intercom. Or talking with someone and having the conversation peppered with " Jesus ( or insert other religious figure ) wants you to accept Him into your heart" etc etc..
When I am in the mood, I love nothing more then to sit and talk about other peoples views on this subject. I am not adverse to listening to differing ideologies.
In fact I find it interesting.
The aforementioned situation is fine because its on even ground and on each of our terms. I am inviting debate/discussion on the topic so therefore it isnt a time where I feel 'cornered' or feel as if I possess a 'poor, unenlightened' soul that someone else feels compelled to 'educate' and 'save.'
At the end of the day, it just seems as though those who take the liberty to preach to others, uninvited, convey the attitude that their belief system is the 'correct' one, the only one, and others perceived 'belief system' ( for lack of a better term ) is wrong.
To reiterate, those people who have their personal spiritual beliefs, in whichever form they come in, I respect.
For those who push their religion on others and believe their way is the only way, take your attitude elsewhere because I have no time for it.
I've been told before that I wont get into 'Heaven' ( whatever Heaven is ) because I dont subscribe to such-and-such faith, because I am not 'playing the game by the rules'.
There's that presumptious " my belief's are right and yours are wrong " attitude again.
How the fuck do you know that your soul is going to 'Heaven' and mine will go to 'Hell' if I dont swallow the 'Jesus' pill simply because you told me to...?!
If someone 'hears the Call' , then they will seek it out and come to the party, so to speak.
Like the super cool movie 'Field Of Dreams': " If you build it, they will come..."
Ya didnt see ol Kevin C. going from house to house, hitting people over the heads with a baseball bat, didja ?
For example,one of the things I respect and admire about Nepalese Buddhist monks ( and Buddhists in general )is that they lead their lives and pursue spiritual enlightenment in a quiet, calm, respectful manner. They welcome others into the fray when they come seeking to follow the same path. When others ask them about Buddhism, they're open about it.
No hard sell. No knocking on the doors of peoples residences when they're trying to enjoy a quiet day off with their families on a Sunday afternoon. No stopping people in the street and preaching at them. No hippocritical " Do as I preach and not as I do " ( and, yes, I'm talking about priests feelin choir kiddies up... amongst the rest of it. Which is excused by " man is essentially flawed and sinful. This was a trangression tut tut". ). Buddhists are one example where I do not observe a lot of hippocrisy.
If I wanted your opinion on the best way to go about 'saving my soul' ... I would ask you for it. If I dont ask, then have the respect not to push it on me, however subtle.
I am not saying anyones beliefs are wrong or inferior to mine, I dont presume to have this knowledge. So show me, and others, the same courtesy.
This episode was bought to you by the letters 'OM'
;)
The intelligent and loving force of our world which I refer to is not sprung from any religious dogma or doctrines. I dont subscribe to them and, frankly, people who try to push their 'beliefs' down my throat piss me off.
While such people may have good intentions, I wish they would realise that other peoples quiet quest for some understanding of spiritual truth is a deeply personal journey that, ultimately, only they can make alone.
The teachings which you pursue are great, whether it be via a book, in a church, a spiritual leader etc ...if it all taps into that place inside of you where YOU are bought closer to understanding. It is but a tool in order to do this.
I, however, am going to listen to my own heart, find my own way to tap into it, listen to what feels right. So I need those people, who get into my business, to stop spouting their doctrines long enough, so that I have the quiet required to hear this almost inaudible whispering deep down in my soul.
If I have to get naked and dance around a fire like a lunatic to do this then handddddd me the matches babbbbyyy !
And don't peek at my sinful pagan butt, willya ! I'm shy ;)...
Some call this being 'God'..some call it by other names.
There are many incarnations and names of this mysterious force, in religions across the board. Differing interpretations are wonderful and good.
To veto another's interpretation, because it doesnt support your own is just ignorant. And ignorance and intolerance is at the heart of many forms of ugliness humans wreak on each other.
We have some religious teachings cultivated and twisted by man over the centuries to support whatever bias/purpose of particular powerful establishments at the time.
For anyone or anything that didnt support the 'status quo', that held differing beliefs and ways of living ....well such 'unsavoury' individuals and information went 'buh bye'...
( or, at least, some groups of people tried to make them go buh bye..).
History is rife with supression and murder, committed by humans in the name of 'God' and organised religion.
I feel that there are kernels of truth in religious teachings.
Yet it is the tonne of embellishment ( along with the omission of conflicting information ) , laid nice and thick on top of it all, that I cant ( and wont ) swallow and stomach.
The game of 'Chinese Whispers' springs to mind.
I'm not attacking anyone's belief system here. I am merely getting fed up with people ringing my doorbell at my home, preaching Christianity at me through the intercom. Or talking with someone and having the conversation peppered with " Jesus ( or insert other religious figure ) wants you to accept Him into your heart" etc etc..
When I am in the mood, I love nothing more then to sit and talk about other peoples views on this subject. I am not adverse to listening to differing ideologies.
In fact I find it interesting.
The aforementioned situation is fine because its on even ground and on each of our terms. I am inviting debate/discussion on the topic so therefore it isnt a time where I feel 'cornered' or feel as if I possess a 'poor, unenlightened' soul that someone else feels compelled to 'educate' and 'save.'
At the end of the day, it just seems as though those who take the liberty to preach to others, uninvited, convey the attitude that their belief system is the 'correct' one, the only one, and others perceived 'belief system' ( for lack of a better term ) is wrong.
To reiterate, those people who have their personal spiritual beliefs, in whichever form they come in, I respect.
For those who push their religion on others and believe their way is the only way, take your attitude elsewhere because I have no time for it.
I've been told before that I wont get into 'Heaven' ( whatever Heaven is ) because I dont subscribe to such-and-such faith, because I am not 'playing the game by the rules'.
There's that presumptious " my belief's are right and yours are wrong " attitude again.
How the fuck do you know that your soul is going to 'Heaven' and mine will go to 'Hell' if I dont swallow the 'Jesus' pill simply because you told me to...?!
If someone 'hears the Call' , then they will seek it out and come to the party, so to speak.
Like the super cool movie 'Field Of Dreams': " If you build it, they will come..."
Ya didnt see ol Kevin C. going from house to house, hitting people over the heads with a baseball bat, didja ?
For example,one of the things I respect and admire about Nepalese Buddhist monks ( and Buddhists in general )is that they lead their lives and pursue spiritual enlightenment in a quiet, calm, respectful manner. They welcome others into the fray when they come seeking to follow the same path. When others ask them about Buddhism, they're open about it.
No hard sell. No knocking on the doors of peoples residences when they're trying to enjoy a quiet day off with their families on a Sunday afternoon. No stopping people in the street and preaching at them. No hippocritical " Do as I preach and not as I do " ( and, yes, I'm talking about priests feelin choir kiddies up... amongst the rest of it. Which is excused by " man is essentially flawed and sinful. This was a trangression tut tut". ). Buddhists are one example where I do not observe a lot of hippocrisy.
If I wanted your opinion on the best way to go about 'saving my soul' ... I would ask you for it. If I dont ask, then have the respect not to push it on me, however subtle.
I am not saying anyones beliefs are wrong or inferior to mine, I dont presume to have this knowledge. So show me, and others, the same courtesy.
This episode was bought to you by the letters 'OM'
;)
Carrying Light In Darkness.
When someone close to you dies so suddenly and tragically at a young age, not only are you faced with the loss of someone you love....you face the fragility of life.
This fragility is what makes us beautiful.
Death has its beauty too, in that it is the cleansing release of the soul into a plane where one becomes everything again, not just a soul struggling in a limited mortal body. There are no lies in death.
I know that it was his time to leave , that questions will not bring answers because there is something bigger going on that humans will never quite understand. But, oh , to bring some understanding to his parents and siblings, to everyone who loves him...just to bring some comfort to their hearts, burning with heartbreak and grief which is engulfing them now.
I know he is in a beautiful place now. It's the ones who are left behind that face this long, dark night of sorrow and "why's".
Life takes a moment to create, 9 months to nurture into the world...but it takes mere seconds to be blinked out.
A breeze blows somewhere in the world and someones flickering flame is extinguished.
Making the world a little darker for those who surround them.
I guess that is why I light candles for people who I have known, when they pass over. The candle is my way of lighting an eternal light inside of me for them. A way of honoring them by promising to carry their flame for them until I myself pass on.
Someone you spoke to just yesterday could be gone today.
You could be gone tomorrow.
So live today as if it's all that you have. Tell your loved ones all the truths in your heart. Be true to yourself and don't ever live a carbon copy existence.
You were put on this earth for a reason. Your heart of hearts knows what it is.
Maybe one of the best things you can ever do is turn off surrounding noise and listen to that quiet little voice until you learn what it is.
This fragility is what makes us beautiful.
Death has its beauty too, in that it is the cleansing release of the soul into a plane where one becomes everything again, not just a soul struggling in a limited mortal body. There are no lies in death.
I know that it was his time to leave , that questions will not bring answers because there is something bigger going on that humans will never quite understand. But, oh , to bring some understanding to his parents and siblings, to everyone who loves him...just to bring some comfort to their hearts, burning with heartbreak and grief which is engulfing them now.
I know he is in a beautiful place now. It's the ones who are left behind that face this long, dark night of sorrow and "why's".
Life takes a moment to create, 9 months to nurture into the world...but it takes mere seconds to be blinked out.
A breeze blows somewhere in the world and someones flickering flame is extinguished.
Making the world a little darker for those who surround them.
I guess that is why I light candles for people who I have known, when they pass over. The candle is my way of lighting an eternal light inside of me for them. A way of honoring them by promising to carry their flame for them until I myself pass on.
Someone you spoke to just yesterday could be gone today.
You could be gone tomorrow.
So live today as if it's all that you have. Tell your loved ones all the truths in your heart. Be true to yourself and don't ever live a carbon copy existence.
You were put on this earth for a reason. Your heart of hearts knows what it is.
Maybe one of the best things you can ever do is turn off surrounding noise and listen to that quiet little voice until you learn what it is.
Monday, July 11, 2005
Messages to Brian
In the Herald-Sun today.
I'm a little outta the loop. I didnt know if anyone had put any death notices in but I had a feeling that if they had, the notices would be in today.
So I checked online...
I went out for dinner with Josh's family tonight, for his mums 59th birthday. I was laughing and joking, chatting and being my usual goofy self. As if nothing had happened.
I just didnt wanna be a wet blanket on Rhonda's birthday dinner so I pushed everything off into another world, out of sight. I'm an expert at this, so much so that I even fooled myself that nothing was wrong...so my smiles and laughter were genuine. I had a good time with great company.
And I feel guilty that I can do that right now.
It still doesnt feel real. And it probably wont for me because I cant attend his funeral and be there for my family.Yet I need for it to feel real, I need to feel that in order to say goodbye to him properly.Theres value in facing this kind of reality, no matter how awful or painful.
I'm a little outta the loop. I didnt know if anyone had put any death notices in but I had a feeling that if they had, the notices would be in today.
So I checked online...
I went out for dinner with Josh's family tonight, for his mums 59th birthday. I was laughing and joking, chatting and being my usual goofy self. As if nothing had happened.
I just didnt wanna be a wet blanket on Rhonda's birthday dinner so I pushed everything off into another world, out of sight. I'm an expert at this, so much so that I even fooled myself that nothing was wrong...so my smiles and laughter were genuine. I had a good time with great company.
And I feel guilty that I can do that right now.
It still doesnt feel real. And it probably wont for me because I cant attend his funeral and be there for my family.Yet I need for it to feel real, I need to feel that in order to say goodbye to him properly.Theres value in facing this kind of reality, no matter how awful or painful.
Sunday, July 10, 2005
Day After Brian Left
Josh's mum, Rhonda, came over this morning to give me a hug and comfort me.
I love his family and I love the way they're gathering around in this time.
Josh has been giving me non-stop cuddles. He's been there in ways more then he realizes.His love and support has been a cradle for me today.
It's so strange when someone you love, one of your family members, one of your tribe, dies.
You wake up the next day...and the next...and the day after that and the world is just going on, business per usual. You find moments in the days following ( now ending Day One ) where you forget and you laugh and smile, get lost in a movie, talk about other things going on in your life and then you remember...
One of yours, who was here just a few days ago, is now gone.
Josh and I went to the Toronto Street Festival, just a 5 minute walk down Yonge Street from our apartment. We had planned to go all week and Josh asked if I wanted to stay home but I had to get out of the apartment.
So we went and I took the usual photos and felt guilty that I was in my own world for most of the day. Feeling like I was leaving Josh on the outer as I, almost obsessively, clicked away with my camera and sought out photo ops. I found myself apologizing to him for most of the time we were there. I cant imagine it was an enjoyable day for him.
I felt like I was walking in a daze today, fragile and bleary eyed.
Viewing Toronto, and its beating heart, through a lens drew me like a moth to a flame.
At one point we sat on the curb and watched children riding the Merry-Go-Round, delight in their faces, giggles erupting with each breath and I smiled at the vision in front of me.
Then the tears came again because I remembered Brian at the same age, giggling with so much life in him and so much to look forward to...
After we got home I took my journal and went to the bar two doors down and sat on the rooftop patio. Ordered a margherita and wrote. After an hour I went home feeling totally and utterly drained.Went to bed for an hour, after checking in with mum back home and seeing how Deanne and Skeeta ( Brians parents ) and Luke and Taylah ( Brians younger siblings ) were doing.
Deanne had tried to drink herself into oblivion the night before, understandably.
Everyone stopped her and put her to bed.
Skeeta, who was the one who had to identify Brians body at the scene of the accident, had gone to bed early.
Taylah hasnt been hit by it all yet. She was acting as she normally does.I hope she's afforded this for as long as possible. I have a feeling the funeral is when she's going to realize it's all not just a bad joke and he isnt coming back.
Luke....is being Luke. He's a quiet old soul who watches the world and remains quiet and observing. Speaking only when he has something important to say. He's carrying his brothers loss deep and I hope he doesnt hold it in for too long.
I havent had the stomach for food. I made myself eat a salad and two pieces of garlic bread earlier.Its 1 am and I have layed in bed for a while. Couldnt sleep, so I got up to sit in the dark loungeroom.
Thought I'd type something in here while I was at it.
I love his family and I love the way they're gathering around in this time.
Josh has been giving me non-stop cuddles. He's been there in ways more then he realizes.His love and support has been a cradle for me today.
It's so strange when someone you love, one of your family members, one of your tribe, dies.
You wake up the next day...and the next...and the day after that and the world is just going on, business per usual. You find moments in the days following ( now ending Day One ) where you forget and you laugh and smile, get lost in a movie, talk about other things going on in your life and then you remember...
One of yours, who was here just a few days ago, is now gone.
Josh and I went to the Toronto Street Festival, just a 5 minute walk down Yonge Street from our apartment. We had planned to go all week and Josh asked if I wanted to stay home but I had to get out of the apartment.
So we went and I took the usual photos and felt guilty that I was in my own world for most of the day. Feeling like I was leaving Josh on the outer as I, almost obsessively, clicked away with my camera and sought out photo ops. I found myself apologizing to him for most of the time we were there. I cant imagine it was an enjoyable day for him.
I felt like I was walking in a daze today, fragile and bleary eyed.
Viewing Toronto, and its beating heart, through a lens drew me like a moth to a flame.
At one point we sat on the curb and watched children riding the Merry-Go-Round, delight in their faces, giggles erupting with each breath and I smiled at the vision in front of me.
Then the tears came again because I remembered Brian at the same age, giggling with so much life in him and so much to look forward to...
After we got home I took my journal and went to the bar two doors down and sat on the rooftop patio. Ordered a margherita and wrote. After an hour I went home feeling totally and utterly drained.Went to bed for an hour, after checking in with mum back home and seeing how Deanne and Skeeta ( Brians parents ) and Luke and Taylah ( Brians younger siblings ) were doing.
Deanne had tried to drink herself into oblivion the night before, understandably.
Everyone stopped her and put her to bed.
Skeeta, who was the one who had to identify Brians body at the scene of the accident, had gone to bed early.
Taylah hasnt been hit by it all yet. She was acting as she normally does.I hope she's afforded this for as long as possible. I have a feeling the funeral is when she's going to realize it's all not just a bad joke and he isnt coming back.
Luke....is being Luke. He's a quiet old soul who watches the world and remains quiet and observing. Speaking only when he has something important to say. He's carrying his brothers loss deep and I hope he doesnt hold it in for too long.
I havent had the stomach for food. I made myself eat a salad and two pieces of garlic bread earlier.Its 1 am and I have layed in bed for a while. Couldnt sleep, so I got up to sit in the dark loungeroom.
Thought I'd type something in here while I was at it.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
A Young Life...
...was extinguished a few hours ago.
I posted this elsewhere so I'll just copy and paste..dont have a lot more of typin in me tonight...
My cousin, Brian, was driving to football ( he was an up and coming footballer for a team in a small country town called Streatham ) and was killed in an accident this morning ( 10:30 am Australian Eastern Standard time).
My mum doesnt have all the details but apparently a train was involved too. Which leads me to think that he was crossing train lines and a train collided with his car. Some country towns have a problem where some crossings dont have signals ...and its quite possible he had music playin and didnt hear the train or something...
But I dont know anything for sure yet.
He was only 18 and we were close. He was not only my mums nephew but also her godson. He's survived by his parents and his younger brother and sister.
My mind still hasnt processed it quite fully yet...I cant even comprehend the hell my aunt and uncle are going through right now. They had gone ahead of him and were waiting for him at the football ground. I'm pretty sure the game was cancelled in respect.
I just wish I could be there to give my family cuddles. I'm really feelin the distance between my loved ones right now. It's so hard hearing my mum and sisters sob heartbrokenly and not being able to gather them in an embrace.
So so hard when someone is killed so young. He'll never celebrate his 21st, get married.....Man he was just such a fantastic kid...always quick to be there for anyone who needed anything...
I'll never see him again :(
Edit : Its on the Aus news site already, seems my feeling that there wasnt a crossing signal was right...
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,15872354-29277,00.html
The article has his age bracket wrong but ...semantics huh.
Will post more later.
I posted this elsewhere so I'll just copy and paste..dont have a lot more of typin in me tonight...
My cousin, Brian, was driving to football ( he was an up and coming footballer for a team in a small country town called Streatham ) and was killed in an accident this morning ( 10:30 am Australian Eastern Standard time).
My mum doesnt have all the details but apparently a train was involved too. Which leads me to think that he was crossing train lines and a train collided with his car. Some country towns have a problem where some crossings dont have signals ...and its quite possible he had music playin and didnt hear the train or something...
But I dont know anything for sure yet.
He was only 18 and we were close. He was not only my mums nephew but also her godson. He's survived by his parents and his younger brother and sister.
My mind still hasnt processed it quite fully yet...I cant even comprehend the hell my aunt and uncle are going through right now. They had gone ahead of him and were waiting for him at the football ground. I'm pretty sure the game was cancelled in respect.
I just wish I could be there to give my family cuddles. I'm really feelin the distance between my loved ones right now. It's so hard hearing my mum and sisters sob heartbrokenly and not being able to gather them in an embrace.
So so hard when someone is killed so young. He'll never celebrate his 21st, get married.....Man he was just such a fantastic kid...always quick to be there for anyone who needed anything...
I'll never see him again :(
Edit : Its on the Aus news site already, seems my feeling that there wasnt a crossing signal was right...
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,15872354-29277,00.html
The article has his age bracket wrong but ...semantics huh.
Will post more later.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Bet I Can Make Ya ...
..... yawn....
Well not me exactly, Emilie.
Lets see how long ya last without yawning
Actually just thinkin about it sets me off.
Well not me exactly, Emilie.
Lets see how long ya last without yawning
Actually just thinkin about it sets me off.
Saturday, July 02, 2005
Live 8
Its an absolutely brilliant day outside, weather-wise and I've been bopping around my apartment, whilst cleaning, with the Live 8 worldwide concerts blaring on my tv.
Man, talk about amazing music !! The line-up at the 10 concert locations worldwide is a concert promoters wet dream come true !
One of the concert locations is in Barrie, Ontario which is only an HOUR drive from my place here in midtown Toronto. I am so close to it I could touch it ! Which is why I'm bummed that I couldnt go. The tickets were all sold out in less then 20 minutes. It isnt as hot as its been lately, in fact its beautiful warm weather so it would've been a fantastic day to be there.
Oh well, I've got it on the tube and my apartment is all clean now so I aint complainin ;).
Jet, an Aussie band, is playing at the Barrie concert right as I type. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi !!
*Goes off to bop around the apartment to " Are You Gonna Be My Girl"...
Man, talk about amazing music !! The line-up at the 10 concert locations worldwide is a concert promoters wet dream come true !
One of the concert locations is in Barrie, Ontario which is only an HOUR drive from my place here in midtown Toronto. I am so close to it I could touch it ! Which is why I'm bummed that I couldnt go. The tickets were all sold out in less then 20 minutes. It isnt as hot as its been lately, in fact its beautiful warm weather so it would've been a fantastic day to be there.
Oh well, I've got it on the tube and my apartment is all clean now so I aint complainin ;).
Jet, an Aussie band, is playing at the Barrie concert right as I type. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi !!
*Goes off to bop around the apartment to " Are You Gonna Be My Girl"...
Canada Day Eh.
Happy Canuckian Day ppl !!!
Josh and I spent today at the movies, saw the much awaited War Of The Worlds ( It was great, we loved it ) and then we went for drinks with a friend ( Scott ).
The day started off hot, as usual this month, but turned cooler. Which sucked because I went out wearing summery gear. We went to a cool place for drinks and sat outside where I proceeded to shiver in the cool change !
I just saw on the news that June 2005 has been recorded as the hottest June in Ontario history.
I'm tempted to say that I bought the 'famed' Aus weather/heat with me but, being a Melbourne girl , that would entail four seasons in one day and also, quite frankly, Melbourne 'summers' have been shite over the past 5 - 6 years.
When ppl talk to me about the heat we've been having here they allude to the fact that, me being Aussie, I must be thriving in it because thats what I'm accustomed to.
I laugh when I hear that and tell them to spend some time in good ol Melbourne. The ppl I have these convo's with think Aus is one big hot continent all over. I suppose we should stop the false advertisement of ' a sunburnt country'.
I explain to them that, unlike here and the U.S , the South in Australia is not the hottest part of the country. Like with how our toilets flush in the opposite direction, as does our heat.
We're not only Down-Under, we're upside down and backwards *wink*
To read how our Canada Day night went see below post lol...
Josh and I spent today at the movies, saw the much awaited War Of The Worlds ( It was great, we loved it ) and then we went for drinks with a friend ( Scott ).
The day started off hot, as usual this month, but turned cooler. Which sucked because I went out wearing summery gear. We went to a cool place for drinks and sat outside where I proceeded to shiver in the cool change !
I just saw on the news that June 2005 has been recorded as the hottest June in Ontario history.
I'm tempted to say that I bought the 'famed' Aus weather/heat with me but, being a Melbourne girl , that would entail four seasons in one day and also, quite frankly, Melbourne 'summers' have been shite over the past 5 - 6 years.
When ppl talk to me about the heat we've been having here they allude to the fact that, me being Aussie, I must be thriving in it because thats what I'm accustomed to.
I laugh when I hear that and tell them to spend some time in good ol Melbourne. The ppl I have these convo's with think Aus is one big hot continent all over. I suppose we should stop the false advertisement of ' a sunburnt country'.
I explain to them that, unlike here and the U.S , the South in Australia is not the hottest part of the country. Like with how our toilets flush in the opposite direction, as does our heat.
We're not only Down-Under, we're upside down and backwards *wink*
To read how our Canada Day night went see below post lol...
Creepy
So last night Josh and I get home after spending the afternoon bbq'ing at his friends place...
I was takin out the garbage with plans to run next door to Rogers Video to grab a dvd. I toss the garbage in the dumpster around the side of our apartment and emerge onto the street. There's a guy standing there somewhat awkwardly in front of the apartment building, looking around. He looked to be in his late 40's, early 50's and was clad in attire befitting a 'respectable' middle aged guy, whiteish sorta hair etc. When he sees me I get the impression he's like a kid that has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He asks if there is an apartment to rent in our block ( the first clue might have been the ' apartment for rent' sandwich board that is immediantly outside, on our front lawn ... I dunno ... life can be so confusing sometimes ? )
I point to the sign and say " thats what it says ..."
He asks " Do you live here, around here ...?
" I'm visiting" comes out of my mouth, I'm getting a wierd vibe from this dude.Its an intuition that has served me well since I was a little girl, getting me out of many a potentially dangerous situation.
He proceeds to ask what the neighbourhood is like " Because my son is lookin for a place and ..."
" Oh well, I dunno. Its a cool neighbourhood, sure. I wouldnt really know, I'm new to the country."
" Oh well I'll write the number down " he says and proceeds to write in his notebook and walks off.
I come inside and tell Josh about it and then I went next door to get the movie and thats that.
Some hours later I'm sitting in the living room, lights on and window open to let the fresh air in and I hear a strange snapping sound.
Josh had been in bed at that point for about 20 minutes. I see him come out of the bedroom and go to the (also open ) kitchen window and close it, peering outside. It turns out that he was laying in bed and, all of a sudden, he heard footsteps and the soft light streaming into the bedroom window from outside darkened as if someone is standing at the window blocking it. He got up, grabbed his asp and started snapping it in front of the window to warn off whoever it was.
We didnt see/hear anyone after that.
It creeped me out when he came out and told me this because I thought maybe someone was watching me in the living room and walked around the back to break in, thinking that I was at home alone...only to be met with someone else ( Josh ) at the bedroom window snapping his weapon before he started trying to get into the window.
I mused on the possibility that the dude I encountered earlier that night might have come back...
Tonight I went to lay down with him when he went to bed to cuddle him g'night. We were laying there in the dark for about 5 - 10 minutes when suddenly we heard about 4 or 5 taps/knocks in the room. We paused for a second, I said " What the fuck...!" and I hopped off the bed, looking toward the window, to where the noise seemed to come from. We went to the window and ... no one.
Josh tried knocking on the window glass and it definately sounded exactly like the noise.
Problem with our apartment is that it is a 'sub-basement' one. The bottom of our windows ( which are standard placement in the walls ) are level with the street outside. Makes it easy for ppl to see right in. Also , all someone has to do to get to the back of our apartment, to the bedroom and kitchen windows, is walk around to it from the street. Theres no gates or whatever blocking anyone who wants to walk around to the back, the sideway leading to the back is immediantly beside our apartment.
I'm gonna be a little uneasy if Josh ever gets put onto a nightshift schedule at all.I'll just make sure the back windows are locked, phone is beside me at all times and tv/cd volume is low.
It was just creepy, I'd hate to think of how I'd have felt lying in bed in the dark, alone at home, and hearing those knocks on the window.
I'm getting lessons off Josh on how to use that bloody asp. And how to get out of holds/grapples if some eijitt was trying to hold me down....
I was takin out the garbage with plans to run next door to Rogers Video to grab a dvd. I toss the garbage in the dumpster around the side of our apartment and emerge onto the street. There's a guy standing there somewhat awkwardly in front of the apartment building, looking around. He looked to be in his late 40's, early 50's and was clad in attire befitting a 'respectable' middle aged guy, whiteish sorta hair etc. When he sees me I get the impression he's like a kid that has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He asks if there is an apartment to rent in our block ( the first clue might have been the ' apartment for rent' sandwich board that is immediantly outside, on our front lawn ... I dunno ... life can be so confusing sometimes ? )
I point to the sign and say " thats what it says ..."
He asks " Do you live here, around here ...?
" I'm visiting" comes out of my mouth, I'm getting a wierd vibe from this dude.Its an intuition that has served me well since I was a little girl, getting me out of many a potentially dangerous situation.
He proceeds to ask what the neighbourhood is like " Because my son is lookin for a place and ..."
" Oh well, I dunno. Its a cool neighbourhood, sure. I wouldnt really know, I'm new to the country."
" Oh well I'll write the number down " he says and proceeds to write in his notebook and walks off.
I come inside and tell Josh about it and then I went next door to get the movie and thats that.
Some hours later I'm sitting in the living room, lights on and window open to let the fresh air in and I hear a strange snapping sound.
Josh had been in bed at that point for about 20 minutes. I see him come out of the bedroom and go to the (also open ) kitchen window and close it, peering outside. It turns out that he was laying in bed and, all of a sudden, he heard footsteps and the soft light streaming into the bedroom window from outside darkened as if someone is standing at the window blocking it. He got up, grabbed his asp and started snapping it in front of the window to warn off whoever it was.
We didnt see/hear anyone after that.
It creeped me out when he came out and told me this because I thought maybe someone was watching me in the living room and walked around the back to break in, thinking that I was at home alone...only to be met with someone else ( Josh ) at the bedroom window snapping his weapon before he started trying to get into the window.
I mused on the possibility that the dude I encountered earlier that night might have come back...
Tonight I went to lay down with him when he went to bed to cuddle him g'night. We were laying there in the dark for about 5 - 10 minutes when suddenly we heard about 4 or 5 taps/knocks in the room. We paused for a second, I said " What the fuck...!" and I hopped off the bed, looking toward the window, to where the noise seemed to come from. We went to the window and ... no one.
Josh tried knocking on the window glass and it definately sounded exactly like the noise.
Problem with our apartment is that it is a 'sub-basement' one. The bottom of our windows ( which are standard placement in the walls ) are level with the street outside. Makes it easy for ppl to see right in. Also , all someone has to do to get to the back of our apartment, to the bedroom and kitchen windows, is walk around to it from the street. Theres no gates or whatever blocking anyone who wants to walk around to the back, the sideway leading to the back is immediantly beside our apartment.
I'm gonna be a little uneasy if Josh ever gets put onto a nightshift schedule at all.I'll just make sure the back windows are locked, phone is beside me at all times and tv/cd volume is low.
It was just creepy, I'd hate to think of how I'd have felt lying in bed in the dark, alone at home, and hearing those knocks on the window.
I'm getting lessons off Josh on how to use that bloody asp. And how to get out of holds/grapples if some eijitt was trying to hold me down....
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Happy Birthday Lil Sistah!!
HAPPY 26TH BIRTHDAY NIKKI BABE !!!!!
May your day be filled with magical fairy-like happiness and silliness !!!
I may be on the other side of the world but know that I'm thinking about you and missing ya and wish I could be there to celebrate it with you! I hope you like your pressie ( when it finally gets to you ).
Like I said on the ecard I sent you , you're not only my sister but one of my best friends in this world. Thank you for always being there and forever making me laugh until tears roll down my face and my belly hurtsssssssss.
Have a fantastic day and may this year be your best year so far.
Love ya kiddo !!
It was also my mums birthday 10 days ago ( 15th June ). She is also one of my best friends and I feel so blessed that I came to this earth into her arms as her daughter. Hey maybe I am biased but she is the best mother in the world.
So happy birthday mum , I love you more with every corner and depth of my heart and soul.
May your day be filled with magical fairy-like happiness and silliness !!!
I may be on the other side of the world but know that I'm thinking about you and missing ya and wish I could be there to celebrate it with you! I hope you like your pressie ( when it finally gets to you ).
Like I said on the ecard I sent you , you're not only my sister but one of my best friends in this world. Thank you for always being there and forever making me laugh until tears roll down my face and my belly hurtsssssssss.
Have a fantastic day and may this year be your best year so far.
Love ya kiddo !!
It was also my mums birthday 10 days ago ( 15th June ). She is also one of my best friends and I feel so blessed that I came to this earth into her arms as her daughter. Hey maybe I am biased but she is the best mother in the world.
So happy birthday mum , I love you more with every corner and depth of my heart and soul.
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Hottttt
Lurking around the apartment in my bathers as the heatwave continues. 35C yesterday with the humidex and not sure what today is temp-wise but its still hawwwt. Gotta get dressed soon and go to Josh's parents place on my own ( Josh is at work ) for the regular Sunday dinner ( bbq tonight ). His mums cousin and her nephew are gonna be there.
I am really quite content to stay at home , in my bathers, and enjoy my Sunday day off and do some writing/work on my photography/read before I have to start the work week tomorrow....I liked my quiet Sundays where I didnt have to go/be anywhere...its just a breather before the week starts all over again so I've always been a little possessive of my Sunday Me-time.
Since the Aus government changed the law on citizenship ( ie. Australians can now hold dual residency ) I've been thinking of applying for Canadian citizenship ...
Josh and I really have to get things in motion regarding his moving to Aus after my work visa runs out also...
I am really quite content to stay at home , in my bathers, and enjoy my Sunday day off and do some writing/work on my photography/read before I have to start the work week tomorrow....I liked my quiet Sundays where I didnt have to go/be anywhere...its just a breather before the week starts all over again so I've always been a little possessive of my Sunday Me-time.
Since the Aus government changed the law on citizenship ( ie. Australians can now hold dual residency ) I've been thinking of applying for Canadian citizenship ...
Josh and I really have to get things in motion regarding his moving to Aus after my work visa runs out also...
Saturday, June 04, 2005
A Beautiful Song
Click Here to download 'Una Palabra'.. ya wont regret it
( its the 4th song from the top of list )
Una Palabra
Una palabra no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo
igual que el viento que esconde el agua
como las flores que esconde el lodo.
Una mirada no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo dice todo
como la lluvia sobre tu cara
o el viejo mapa de algún tesoro.
Una verdad no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo
como una hoguera que no se apaga
como una piedra que nace polvo.
Si un día me faltas no seré nada
y al mismo tiempo lo seré todo
porque en tus ojos están mis alas
y está la orilla donde me ahogo,
porque en tus ojos están mis alas
y está la orilla donde me ahogo.
Translation
A Word/Una Palabra
A word says nothing
And at the same time it hides everything
Just as the wind that hides the water
Like the flowers that hide the earth
A glance says nothing
And at the same time it says everything
Like the rain on your face
Or an old map; a treasure
A truth says nothing
And at the same time it hides everything
Like a bonfire that cannot be extinguished
Like a stone that is born of dust.
If one day I’m gone, I will be nothing
And at the same time I’ll be everything
Because in your eyes there are my wings
And the shore where I drown,
Because in your eyes are my wings
And the shore where I drown.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
( its the 4th song from the top of list )
Una Palabra
Una palabra no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo
igual que el viento que esconde el agua
como las flores que esconde el lodo.
Una mirada no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo dice todo
como la lluvia sobre tu cara
o el viejo mapa de algún tesoro.
Una verdad no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo
como una hoguera que no se apaga
como una piedra que nace polvo.
Si un día me faltas no seré nada
y al mismo tiempo lo seré todo
porque en tus ojos están mis alas
y está la orilla donde me ahogo,
porque en tus ojos están mis alas
y está la orilla donde me ahogo.
Translation
A Word/Una Palabra
A word says nothing
And at the same time it hides everything
Just as the wind that hides the water
Like the flowers that hide the earth
A glance says nothing
And at the same time it says everything
Like the rain on your face
Or an old map; a treasure
A truth says nothing
And at the same time it hides everything
Like a bonfire that cannot be extinguished
Like a stone that is born of dust.
If one day I’m gone, I will be nothing
And at the same time I’ll be everything
Because in your eyes there are my wings
And the shore where I drown,
Because in your eyes are my wings
And the shore where I drown.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Joss Stone
Wednesday night was Joss Stone concert night at Massey Hall !!
Massey Hall is an intimate cosy venue in downtown Toronto that is similar in size and appearance to The Melbourne Town Hall. We had seats in the first balcony towards the right hand side of the stage. The distance from the stage was equivalent to sitting in row two on the floor, only we were up one itty bitty level. Best seat I've ever had at a concert ! She's a cute lil thang, playing with the audience and jumping off the stage quite a few times and going out into the audience to get them up and dancing. Some girls sitting beside us kept hollering out " I love yewwww Jossssss !" , causing her ( once or twice ) to stop her song and giggle.
She put on a great show and has a fantastic voice live; the true barometer of singing talent.
Her supporting act was Raul Midon
. What an up and coming talent ! His voice reminded me of a cross between Stevie Wonder and Guy Sebastian. He seems to write a lot of his own songs also. Superb voice !
After the concert we wandered up Yonge Street in the warm spring night, sitting down on some steps and people watching for awhile.
That was the best part of the night for me.... :)
Massey Hall is an intimate cosy venue in downtown Toronto that is similar in size and appearance to The Melbourne Town Hall. We had seats in the first balcony towards the right hand side of the stage. The distance from the stage was equivalent to sitting in row two on the floor, only we were up one itty bitty level. Best seat I've ever had at a concert ! She's a cute lil thang, playing with the audience and jumping off the stage quite a few times and going out into the audience to get them up and dancing. Some girls sitting beside us kept hollering out " I love yewwww Jossssss !" , causing her ( once or twice ) to stop her song and giggle.
She put on a great show and has a fantastic voice live; the true barometer of singing talent.
Her supporting act was Raul Midon
. What an up and coming talent ! His voice reminded me of a cross between Stevie Wonder and Guy Sebastian. He seems to write a lot of his own songs also. Superb voice !
After the concert we wandered up Yonge Street in the warm spring night, sitting down on some steps and people watching for awhile.
That was the best part of the night for me.... :)
Thursday, June 02, 2005
Musical Baton
Manda passed the musical baton to me so here goes it .....
Total volume of music on my computer:
Oh gawd, I dunno .... I just started d/l'ing music on this comp so it wouldnt be much.
The last CD I bought:
Josh bought two cd's for me last night in a music van parked outside of the Joss Stone concert at Massey Hall. One was Raul Midon- His limited live edition, which he autographed for me. The other was 'The Beats of Brazil'.
Edit: Bought the 'Man on Fire' cd last Thursday !
Song Playing:
'Una Palabra'- a haunting song from the 'Man on Fire' soundtrack.
Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
'In the Arms of an Angel' - Sarah McLaughlin.
'Dont Speak'- No Doubt.
'The Day You Went Away'- Wendy Mathews
'Georgia On My Mind'- Ray Charles
'Una Palabra' Carlos Varela
Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:
Kara
Nikki
Kristy
Rebecca
Josh
Total volume of music on my computer:
Oh gawd, I dunno .... I just started d/l'ing music on this comp so it wouldnt be much.
The last CD I bought:
Josh bought two cd's for me last night in a music van parked outside of the Joss Stone concert at Massey Hall. One was Raul Midon- His limited live edition, which he autographed for me. The other was 'The Beats of Brazil'.
Edit: Bought the 'Man on Fire' cd last Thursday !
Song Playing:
'Una Palabra'- a haunting song from the 'Man on Fire' soundtrack.
Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
'In the Arms of an Angel' - Sarah McLaughlin.
'Dont Speak'- No Doubt.
'The Day You Went Away'- Wendy Mathews
'Georgia On My Mind'- Ray Charles
'Una Palabra' Carlos Varela
Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:
Kara
Nikki
Kristy
Rebecca
Josh
Saturday, May 28, 2005
Little Perceived Differences # 1
Some small differences between Canada and Australia that I've noticed.
Canauckians really do attach 'eh' a lot to the end of their sentences. In a noticeable way. I mean, I had a habit of saying 'eh' at the end of my sentences back home but I would say it in one whole breath, for example:
" It was a good movie eh !"
Whereas, I've noticed Canuckians say it with more exaggeration on the 'eh', as in:
" It was a good movie .... ( wait a few beats) ehhh!"
If I was Canadian I'd plan to have the words " I died, eh ! " on my headstone after I carked it.
Jusssst playin with ya, Canuckians, dont feed me to the mooses !
Pizza slices are freakin BIG here. They're like two and a half times bigger then Aussie pizza slices.
Matter of fact, a lot of their food/drink/grocery item proportions are bigger.
The obvious: they drive on the wrong side of the road.. When I first arrived here it felt so awkward crossing the road. I would automatically turn my head right instead of left, to look for oncoming vehicles.
Drivers slow down in the middle of a busy road and wait for you to cross over, if you're in the middle. Aussie drivers just let ya stand in the centre and play a game of Frogger as ya look for a big enough gap between cars to scoot across. Though, perhaps they just did that because I had a 'deer in the headlights' look about me. Now I automatically turn my head left when crossing ( yay for me and my road survival, stay-outta-hospital-coz-I-have-no-medical-coverage'ness ! ). Yet I sometimes lapse and check the 'right' way as well lol.
They have squirrels ! Still wondering if the little critters bite ?
They dont have an accent, its me who does.Their accents stood out when I first arrived. But now I've stopped hearing their accent and started hearing mine. Even to my own ears I talk funny lol.Someone asked me my name the other day and when I told them they looked at me quizzically and asked " Thats an exotic name, how do you spell that ?"
"Um T...I...N...A "
" Oh TINA ! "
"How did it sound to you when I said it "?
" It sounded like Taynah or somethin.."
I've lost my accent a couple of times where, one example, I've accidently pronounced 'cant' and sounding out the 'a' like ya would pronounce it for 'can'...instead of how I normally say it, which is pronouncing it like we do 'car' ie."carrnt". Suddenly our way of pronouncing 'cant' sounds rude heh ( I was gonna type out the obvious word it sounds like but its crude and that word grates on me like nails on a chalkboard).
Some other things in short..
Ppl stand on the right side of the escalator and walk up/down on the left side. Probably in relation to the fact that they drive on the wrong side of the road and cant break this habit.
When they try to put on an aussie accent they come out sounding like a hybrid of South African, British and Kiwi.
Canadian temperature, weather-wise, feels warmer then Melbourne temperature equivalent.. A 17 degree C day here feels like a 24 degree C day back home.
My cat even meows with a Canadian accent. Meooooow-eh , purrrrr-eh.
A lot of Canadian men treat their women a hella lot better then a lot of Aussie men.Not generalising and saying all on either nationality's part but I've noticed the differences with the whole attitude to the dating game. Canadian men seem to be more romantic, respectful,thoughtful and in 'wooing' mode... even after they've 'got the girl'.
From what I've seen from Aussie men ( in my own experience and in others I've observed )a lot of Aussie guys seem to think that the fact that they're going out with ya and willing to let ya hold their remote control ( when ya pick it up to wipe down the coffee table ) is romantic enough.... haha.
Anyway I'll remember the other observations and make more observations in other posts to come.
Later, eh !
Canauckians really do attach 'eh' a lot to the end of their sentences. In a noticeable way. I mean, I had a habit of saying 'eh' at the end of my sentences back home but I would say it in one whole breath, for example:
" It was a good movie eh !"
Whereas, I've noticed Canuckians say it with more exaggeration on the 'eh', as in:
" It was a good movie .... ( wait a few beats) ehhh!"
If I was Canadian I'd plan to have the words " I died, eh ! " on my headstone after I carked it.
Jusssst playin with ya, Canuckians, dont feed me to the mooses !
Pizza slices are freakin BIG here. They're like two and a half times bigger then Aussie pizza slices.
Matter of fact, a lot of their food/drink/grocery item proportions are bigger.
The obvious: they drive on the wrong side of the road.. When I first arrived here it felt so awkward crossing the road. I would automatically turn my head right instead of left, to look for oncoming vehicles.
Drivers slow down in the middle of a busy road and wait for you to cross over, if you're in the middle. Aussie drivers just let ya stand in the centre and play a game of Frogger as ya look for a big enough gap between cars to scoot across. Though, perhaps they just did that because I had a 'deer in the headlights' look about me. Now I automatically turn my head left when crossing ( yay for me and my road survival, stay-outta-hospital-coz-I-have-no-medical-coverage'ness ! ). Yet I sometimes lapse and check the 'right' way as well lol.
They have squirrels ! Still wondering if the little critters bite ?
They dont have an accent, its me who does.Their accents stood out when I first arrived. But now I've stopped hearing their accent and started hearing mine. Even to my own ears I talk funny lol.Someone asked me my name the other day and when I told them they looked at me quizzically and asked " Thats an exotic name, how do you spell that ?"
"Um T...I...N...A "
" Oh TINA ! "
"How did it sound to you when I said it "?
" It sounded like Taynah or somethin.."
I've lost my accent a couple of times where, one example, I've accidently pronounced 'cant' and sounding out the 'a' like ya would pronounce it for 'can'...instead of how I normally say it, which is pronouncing it like we do 'car' ie."carrnt". Suddenly our way of pronouncing 'cant' sounds rude heh ( I was gonna type out the obvious word it sounds like but its crude and that word grates on me like nails on a chalkboard).
Some other things in short..
Ppl stand on the right side of the escalator and walk up/down on the left side. Probably in relation to the fact that they drive on the wrong side of the road and cant break this habit.
When they try to put on an aussie accent they come out sounding like a hybrid of South African, British and Kiwi.
Canadian temperature, weather-wise, feels warmer then Melbourne temperature equivalent.. A 17 degree C day here feels like a 24 degree C day back home.
My cat even meows with a Canadian accent. Meooooow-eh , purrrrr-eh.
A lot of Canadian men treat their women a hella lot better then a lot of Aussie men.Not generalising and saying all on either nationality's part but I've noticed the differences with the whole attitude to the dating game. Canadian men seem to be more romantic, respectful,thoughtful and in 'wooing' mode... even after they've 'got the girl'.
From what I've seen from Aussie men ( in my own experience and in others I've observed )a lot of Aussie guys seem to think that the fact that they're going out with ya and willing to let ya hold their remote control ( when ya pick it up to wipe down the coffee table ) is romantic enough.... haha.
Anyway I'll remember the other observations and make more observations in other posts to come.
Later, eh !
Friday, May 27, 2005
300 + Channels...
... and tonight I finally came across an Aussie show shown on Canuckian cable tv !
Great Aussie show!
They dont just show Steve Irwin here haha ! Although, I suppose the characters arent a far cry from him and the stereotypical 'Dundee' character of which overseas'ers believe all Aussies act,talk and live like ...
At least it aint Neighbours *cringe*
Crikey !
:p
Great Aussie show!
They dont just show Steve Irwin here haha ! Although, I suppose the characters arent a far cry from him and the stereotypical 'Dundee' character of which overseas'ers believe all Aussies act,talk and live like ...
At least it aint Neighbours *cringe*
Crikey !
:p
Injustice Served
Click on the link above ( post title ) to see the story I'm talking about.
Schapelle Corby was found guilty of drug smuggling, in a GROSS case of injustice, in a bali court yesterday.
You wanna know my gut instinct on this woman and this case ?
She was a young woman ,flying out to Bali, who got the surprise of her life when Indonesian security opened up her surfboard case and pulled out marijuana. She, most likely, reacted how I, my sisters or any of my friends would react which was :
This is a mistake and it will all be sorted out soon. Someone planted this on me and it wont be long until my innocence is established and I can go home.
Right after the dope was found, her demeanour seemed to speak that reaction in volumes.
My mum felt gutted watching this unfold because she saw her daughters in this woman. Knowing that she could have so easily been me, travelling on my own to different places and being vulnerable to bastards planting something in my suitcase. She spoke of how she would feel as a mother, KNOWING her daughter could not and would not do something like this and TRYING to make the public understand that she is not just talking as a biased mum ...but as a mother who KNOWS, more then anything she's ever known, that her kid is innocent. And wanting, needing nothing more then to shout angrily in the Indonesian authority's face and take her baby home.
There have been some that have said that an airport worker ( possibly someone in Australian Customs ) is responsible. The thought of someone on the 'inside' of airport customs taking advantage of their position and working in conjunction with a contact in Indonesian ( and other countries )customs does not surprise me.
I wonder how many unsuspecting travellers have had drugs stashed in their luggage by someone at an opportune moment before the luggage gets stored on the plane and removed by someone in customs at the other end, only to pick up their luggage at the carousel none the wiser ? The surfboard case that Schapelle had must have been a cinch to get into.
Pretty smart way to get this shit from one country to the next with not much risk to a few shifty customs employees involved making money doing this eh ?
The drugs enter another country and 'disappear and they make their money. If the drugs are found, by law-abiding airport staff, then the person who owns the luggage lands in the shit...not them.
Some cowardly piece of shit ( or more then one ) is sitting comfortably at home right now letting an innocent woman take a massive fall on his/their behalf.
Schapelle Corby was found guilty of drug smuggling, in a GROSS case of injustice, in a bali court yesterday.
You wanna know my gut instinct on this woman and this case ?
She was a young woman ,flying out to Bali, who got the surprise of her life when Indonesian security opened up her surfboard case and pulled out marijuana. She, most likely, reacted how I, my sisters or any of my friends would react which was :
This is a mistake and it will all be sorted out soon. Someone planted this on me and it wont be long until my innocence is established and I can go home.
Right after the dope was found, her demeanour seemed to speak that reaction in volumes.
My mum felt gutted watching this unfold because she saw her daughters in this woman. Knowing that she could have so easily been me, travelling on my own to different places and being vulnerable to bastards planting something in my suitcase. She spoke of how she would feel as a mother, KNOWING her daughter could not and would not do something like this and TRYING to make the public understand that she is not just talking as a biased mum ...but as a mother who KNOWS, more then anything she's ever known, that her kid is innocent. And wanting, needing nothing more then to shout angrily in the Indonesian authority's face and take her baby home.
There have been some that have said that an airport worker ( possibly someone in Australian Customs ) is responsible. The thought of someone on the 'inside' of airport customs taking advantage of their position and working in conjunction with a contact in Indonesian ( and other countries )customs does not surprise me.
I wonder how many unsuspecting travellers have had drugs stashed in their luggage by someone at an opportune moment before the luggage gets stored on the plane and removed by someone in customs at the other end, only to pick up their luggage at the carousel none the wiser ? The surfboard case that Schapelle had must have been a cinch to get into.
Pretty smart way to get this shit from one country to the next with not much risk to a few shifty customs employees involved making money doing this eh ?
The drugs enter another country and 'disappear and they make their money. If the drugs are found, by law-abiding airport staff, then the person who owns the luggage lands in the shit...not them.
Some cowardly piece of shit ( or more then one ) is sitting comfortably at home right now letting an innocent woman take a massive fall on his/their behalf.
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