Sooky La-La

Maya Sleeps, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

Was in the supermarket, flicking through the weekly magazines (I never actually BUY them pffft, quick flick through and I know what's what in the world) when I came across an article about one of our local tv stars daughter.

She and her husband were expecting their baby and she had finally gone into labour. She had practised a lot of hypnotherapy during her pregnancy so she spent a lot of her labour quiet and focused, the atmosphere was peaceful.

At hour 18 of her labour, her healthy baby suddenly seemed to be in acute distress, out of the blue. Then, just as quickly...the baby's heartbeat couldn't be found...it had stopped. Her baby had died. Just like that.

She obviously had to keep on pushing and deliver her baby and gave birth to a 10 pound baby girl. They were surprised at this as there had been no indication from midwives in her prenatal care that the baby was this size. Upon delivery, their daughter was handed to her daddy who then spent time quietly and lovingly bathing her and then gently cuddling her. The couple remarked that she just looked like she was asleep and had her dads forehead and her mums face. They had a photo of her and she really DID just look like she was asleep, such a beautiful little girl. There was also a photo of her hand being held by either her mum or her dad, her finger curled around the bigger finger of her parent.

They told how they had to leave 3 hours later, not wanting to stay in the maternity ward any longer and not knowing what to say to the midwives. This poor couple had arrived excited about the impending birth of their baby and left empty handed, their little angel lifeless in the room.

I couldn't help it, it was so so sad and I just started crying in the aisle of the supermarket. I felt my lower lip tremble downwards and just wanted to sob because I really really related to how they must have felt. That's just heartbreaking. It makes me wanna wake Maya up and cuddle her.

Grainy Josh

Grainy Josh, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

Had some time today to loiter on the computer, finish breakfast (yayyyy to breakfast) and I found some New Orleans shots that I took the last time we were there in 2005, right before Hurricane Katrina hit.

Found this grainy shot of Josh looking pissed off lol. Quite like it actually (the shot, not when he's pissed off *wink*).

The 2 Month Cupcake

The 2 Month Cupcake, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

Maya is 2 months old today! Happy 2 months baby girl!

A paradox; it feels like time has whipped by so fast yet, on the other hand, it feels like she has been here so much longer then two months.

I took her out to the Pregnancy, Babies and Children Expo on the weekend just gone and Kristy came with me. I was pretty aprehensive about taking her out to it as, whenever we go out with her it always turns into a really stressful experience with Maya howling her heart out (and tearing out mine when she does it). Those times it's happened I always cross the threshold to my home with the biggest sense of relief and feeling totally wrung out with stress.

However, she surprised me and was an absolute angel that day! Bliss!

She is sleeping for long stretches again (now that I'm ignoring some peoples advice and choosing NOT to wake her up for a feed when she is trying to sleep through). She started sleeping through (from midnight to 5am) at 2 weeks of age but I was told by a nurse on the maternal help line that I would need to wake her up at, say, hour 6 from when she started her last feed.

Thing is, if the bub is healthy and peacefully sleeping...let them sleep.If they're in need of a feed they will let you know, don't worry about that.

Maya is starting to communicate with us now. She does this little fake cough sometimes when we're having one of our 'talky, smiley' sessions and cycles/kicks her legs so energetically I suspect that one of these days she'll start cycling around the room.

I'm not sure but it seems like she is trying to talk or maybe even laugh when she does that cute little fake cough.

I Discovered

Maya & Poppa Hands, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

Before I was a Mum I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunisation.
Pooped on.
Chewed on.
Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.
Before I was a Mum, I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching my baby sleep.

Before I was a Mum, I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mum.

Before I was a Mum, I didn't know that feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mum, I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was ok.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mum.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mum.


~ Author Unknown

Mummy Kisses

Mummy Kisses, originally uploaded by Luminosity.

Thank god for baby slings, otherwise I wouldn't get anything done!

I have two carriers; the ever-popular Baby Bjorn and the Hugabub sling. Both are as good as the other but the Hugabub is more snug (but more fiddly to set up on oneself...let's just say that it comes with an instructional dvd). The Bjorn is very 'clip-and-go)

I'm finding that I have a good day with Little Miss Maya where she's all smiles and calm, followed by a shitty day where she's hard to please and cries a lot. I had a great day with her yesterday and felt re-energised , ready to take this motherhood gig by the horns. Then today has been a semi-shitty day where I tried to get out of the house but had to turn around 2 minutes into my walk as the bebe was howling in protest. I came home so frustrated and angry at her and felt like being mean and leaving her in her pram to cry it out but didn't...instead pulling her out and grudgingly putting her on the boob to feed without the usual cooing and general talking I normally do with her.

Then comes the guilt and the " I'm such an awful and mean mummy...!" thoughts. The ones where you think "She's so beautiful and is just a helpless little cherub who just wants cuddles/food/comfort from her mum while her mum is wanting to scream at her and walk away. How can I even THINK that way...?!"

Right now she's sleeping in her sling on my chest, turning her head from side to side in an effort to get comfortable (and failing, I think...I'll get her out to feed soon anyway).

I have a whole new and massive appreciation for parents in general now. Before, theoretically I knew parenthood really pulled one through the wringer, emotionally, mentally and physically but....wow.

Again, at the same time, I don't ever want to imagine my life without her. Besides her daddy, she is the love of my life.

Baby Daze

Ok...finally had a chance to post...

So much to write about over the past 7 weeks (has it really only been 7 weeks?!)I don't know where to start.

Now I understand all those parents that say that parenthood is the most challenging but rewarding job you could do in your life. You're running on the whiff of sleep, utterly, utterly bone-crushingly-tired to the point your entire body is screaming for rest let alone sleep. You have your child howling in the night as you stagger around with him/her trying the 105th thing to soothe them, your chest heavy with exhaustion and the howls cutting through your soul. You're sobbing along with your baby because your body and emotions have been through the humdinger that is called birth and then you've been thrown into a freefall of hormones and trying to learn how to look after a demanding little human being ever since.

And you are non-stop 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I've been told (good advice yes) to sleep when Maya is sleeping. However, I have two very small windows of opportunity during the day and the first window allows me to scramble for a very quick shower. Usually she wakes up just as I step out and I either let her cry as I quickly dress or I resort to trying to soothe her whilst naked and dripping water all over the place.

Meals? I haven't had many meals undisturbed. Today was the first time in 7 weeks that she slept through my shower AND my breakfast. I usually don't get to eat lunch and dinner....I usually eat to the tune of Maya crying while Josh tries to soothe her. Maybe she recognizes that mummy needs to lose baby weight and is trying to put me on the 'Baby Diet'.

Don't get me wrong...she isn't a 'cryer' in the sense that she cries all the time....the timing that she DOES cry however sucks. She's actually an excellent baby and spends a lot of time in quiet contemplation and cooing.

I've had a couple of moments where I've wanted to throw my head back and scream and throw the towel in on this motherhood-business. But then 20 minutes later, I look at Maya and feel so awful for even thinking that way because I'm so infatuated with this little girl. She came from my body and, cliched as it sounds, she's as much a part of me as my heart is, even more so. Josh and I went for dinner and had my mum babysit her at the end of September and even though I was only away from her for a few hours...my entire body and soul craved to hold her again, I missed her so much it physically and emotionally gnawed at me until I got in the door and went to her.

It's being utterly and totally in love like I've never loved before and being totally and utterly exhausted like I've never been exhausted before.

Will try to update a little more regularly, even if it's only short posts.

Maya Photos