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ANOTHER post I wrote back in December....I've been so slack in my 'non-posting-way!

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Biopsy results back, it aint melanoma! Turned out to be a bloody (scuse the pun) heomatoma (sp?). Basically, a blood vessel burst under the toenail. It sure LOOKED like a melanoma.

A weeks gone by since my toenail was ripped off and it still hurts. Can kinda walk now without too much of a limp but it's my second day back at work and I find that I walk home from the train station after work and I'm hurtin. Stings like hell, still.

Co-workers are gettin good at callin me 'hop-a-long' lol!

Portrait of an abused toe, it still doesn't like me...



Meanwhile, I had meh hair done too....had some blonde streaks put in, check me oot!







I love, love, love when my hair has been straightened. WHY can't it be like that ALL the time, naturally?!

Eventful Day

Update: Below is another post that I had written early to mid december. I had it saved as a draft and have gotten off my ass finally to publish them as a proper post.

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It was funny at the immigration office this morning. We get in, after bouncing 'left of field' questions off each other, such as...

"Ok, which side of the bed do you sleep on....The one nearest the door....ok!"

"ok, so we use Colgate toothpaste but we aren't LOYAL Colgate users, no...we buy whatever's on sale, ok that's GREAT!"

etc etc

We get in and within 5 minutes the case worker says "well we have more then enough evidence and I'm satisfied you are a real couple and have been defacto (common law) for at least 12 mths. You should have your visa acceptance letter in a couple of days etc etc..."

We're like , look at each other, look at her...."Huh? That's IT?! You're not gonna ask us any questions?! We also thought we'd have to sit back and wait a couple of months to get an answer....?!"

She's looking at us all relaxed and says "No, I'm satisfied. You have given me more then enough evidence"

We weren't gonna fight it, although I was wanting her to ask away! We walked out of the building laughin and jumpin up and down and I was so happy I kissed Josh and grabbed his butt and a woman sitting nearby saw that and laughed and said "Oh you two are SO cute!"

The docs was...a little gruesome.

He took a look at 'the mole-like thing imbedded under my big toenail, told me that he would need to take the nail completely off and did I want to do it today?

I shuddered and replied "Uh yes, I want this over and done with, no more waiting.."

So, a nurse held my hand and let me squeeze it while he stuck needles in the webbing between big toe and next toe, then injected needles about 6 times all over toe. I reverted back to little-girl sookiness and when he asked me if I was ok, I was holding back tears and went "uh huh...just do it, make sure I DON'T FEEL A THING!"

So, I was told to close my eyes and not to look and felt the pressure of tugging and slicing and pulling and toenail was off and I started feeling pain, even though he had injected a blocker and numbed the area. It started stinging and hurtin like a muvver! I'm like "It's hurtin, is that normal?!" He said that kinda pain was normal, and proceeded to take whatever it was out to send to biopsy. Put the toenail back on and bandaged it.

I sat up and said "I'm sorry, toe! Don't hate me"

Basically been given strict instructions to keep it elevated at all times, can only walk and lower it to go to the bathroom and shower (with it in a plastic bag). Will get the results in a few days and go back to work on Tuesday, as they need to change the dressing on Monday.

Foot's elevated on cushions on the desk as I type and toe is still throbbing like it's been chopped off, no matter how strong the painkillers are.

Doc told me that if I don't stay off my feet and go to parties and such, my toe will tell him it's been partying, come Monday, which was funny. Josh says he can say anything smartalec to me and will be safe as I can't catch him, hobbling like I am now.

I just STARTED this awesome new job! I feel awful that I'm taking time off but they are being wonderful about it and telling me not to worry.

The Big Pause

*Update: The below is a post I wrote back in early December last year. I had written it but decided to keep it as a draft only because Josh and I had our immigration interview coming up later that week and, as I had given them this blog site address as proof of a history of our relationship, I didn't want them reading that I had a potential health problem. Just in case it worked against our application...


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I had a dream last night...

What is unusual about that, eh? Everyone dreams, everynight.

Well, these days, it is highly unusual for me to remember my dreams.

So this dream...I was walking down the street after telling Josh I will meet back with him at a particular nominated spot (which I can't recall). I have my black knapsack slung on my shoulder, as it normally is.

A monk starts walking closely behind me. He is small in stature and wearing the robes monks wear. I realize too late that the zipper on my bag is open and the contents of my bag are on show, pocketed by the small unzipped section left.

The monk roughly burrows his grabbing hands in my bag, and grabs my purse and my camera. I distinctly have the feeling of "Noooo! My purse and camera contain my life, I CAN'T lose them!"

We struggle. It seems as though I am fighting a losing battle and feel sure I'm gonna lose both camera and purse. But finally, the monk lets go and scrambles off, leaving me standing with my things intact.

This dream struck me when I woke up and stayed with me throughout the day.

My new job, which I love, held a skin cancer screening session today for all employees. They flew a doctor in from Sydney, to spend all day checking our skin, one at a time.

I booked in as I have been meaning to get checked for awhile but, like most of us, don't get around to seeing a doctor. Also, there is this bruise-like thing under the toenail on my big toe, on my right foot. I noticed it about two weeks ago and paid attention to it as it had seemed to develop overnight. Josh mentioned that it might be just a bruise, that maybe I stubbed it or knocked it but I knew that hadn't happened. I looked at it and noticed it actually looked like a mole, an irregular one.

So, today, I was very interested in getting checked out and pointed out my toe to the doc. He grew VERY serious on inspecting it and actually put off other colleagues because he wanted to get me looked at by a Melbourne doctor, YESTERDAY. He started calling around and I overheard it telling doctor's receptionists "No, Wednesday next week is not soon enough. I need her to be seen today or tomorrow for a biopsy".

He is 90% sure it is a melanoma. He gave me his mobile number and asked me to promise that I will call him with the results. I have booked in to see someone next Wednesday.

I was so slammed busy at work today I didn't even have time to grab a glass of water and catch a breath. This kept me from letting his alarm and concern worry me to much. But now, here I sit at the computer and Google, researching melanoma and, in particular, melanoma under the toenail...and reading that it is the most lethal and aggressive form of skin cancer...I know I have faced almost dying a couple of times in my life but this has given me pause and a sudden reassessing of my life and what I have taken for granted.

Hey, it may just be in the early stages and will be treated successfully by surgery. But I'd be lying if I said that I'm not a little scared right now.

That dream I had last night is taking on a bit of meaning right now...?

God Aint gatecrashin THAT partay...

This made me laugh...

God a No-Show To TomKats Wedding?!

In case ya can't be bothered clicking on the link, here's the article, courtesy of pugbus...

"God Not Attending Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Wedding
By Chip Hilton
Nov 18, 2006, 10:32

VATICAN CITY - God issued a brief press release yesterday explaining that he won't attend the wedding of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes because he fears his presence would turn the ceremony into a media circus. Many god watchers interpreted his absence as a snub because he is offended by sham marriages between Catholic women and gay movie stars outside the church.

God's statement insists, however, that his absence is motivated simply by a desire not to infringe on the couple's privacy. In addition, the statement noted, god's decision should not be interpreted as payback for Mr. Cruise' snub of god's mother, Oprah Winfrey, who was not invited to the wedding.

"Nevertheless," Vatican insiders whisper "there was no way the big guy was going after he heard L. Ron Hubbard's seat at the wedding table was closer to the groom's than his."

In other wedding-of-the-century news, Entertainment Tonight is reporting that Ms. Holmes will wear a white satin jumper-gown, a high-fashion replica of the outfit she wore on her first date with Mr. Cruise, a visit to Chuck E. Cheese.

The menu for the reception is reported to include an open pizza bar followed by a sit down dinner of Salisbury steak, cheese fries, and creamed corn—and that's just for Kirstie Alley and her party.

Dessert is chocolate ice cream sculpted to resemble Oprah Winfrey's face. Guests are provided with tiny bowls of warn Vanilla Sky sauce to pour over the Oprah image.

A local winery, in return for being allowed to place its logo on the bride and groom's souvenir matchbooks, provided complimentary glasses of a forty-four-year-old merlot described as "short on the tongue but virile for its age."

Guests are "strongly advised" to arrive two hours prior to the ceremony in order to give themselves time to freshen up after being strip searched. Cell phones and cameras will be confiscated, and guests' hands will be stamped with an image of a L. Ron Hubbard. Guests have been informed that if they leave the reception hall, they will not be readmitted.

- PugBus.Com

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At least Katie had something old (Tom), something new (Suri), something borrowed (Scientology) and something blue (her family's mood, caused by her marrying Cruise-Control).

Belinda Emmett Died This Morning

I just saw the news on tv :(

Belinda Emmett Passes Away

I guess the news is still fresh because it was the only article I could find when I googled it.

I know it isn't a shock per se, because Belinda (Rove McManus's wife for those that are going "huh?") had been fighting cancer for the past eight years. She was first diagnosed with breast cancer, had treatment and was in remission. Then it spread. She has shown a lot of optimism though and no one had any idea she was losing the battle fast...

So, it wasn't a shock but it was a sad surprise. I did a double take at the tv and went "WHAT?! Awwww nooooo".

I feel so sad for her and Rove.

Took Your Cell Phone For A Swim?

Here's an article I ran into recently and thought it might be a help to all cell/mobile phone owners (lets face it, who doesn't have a cell phone these days?)

It's basically some tips on what to do if your phone goes for a swim, whether it be in the ocean, toilet or your drink at the local pub...

Rescuing a wet cellphone

It's one of those 'useless bits of info, that might come in handy one day' sorta deal.

You're welcome, in advance *wink*.

Sometimes I Get These Urges

...to be a smartass and do things like taking a marker and writing '=16' on all the vehicles that have '4x4' on them.

Or maybe that's too clever. I should show that I'm 'street/ghetto fabulous' enough and make it an even '20'.

Dropping the Curtain

People live two kinds of lives, all at once, all rolled up in one.

There's the life they live for other people, one they think they should live. It's full of 'shoulds'.

A play they perform for an audience, usually full of strangers, but with their loved ones sitting in the front row, in the Society Theatre.

The backstage is where it's most interesting, where honesty lies, warts and all.

There, the mask is dropped, there are no autocues, no costumes, no heavy make-up.

What does one do when they don't wanna perform 'The Play' anymore? When they wanna drop lines and ad-lib with what they really think and feel?

Dad

My dad is really sick.

He has been for the past few years but he's getting worse. He was always a thin man, has struggled to put any weight on him, let alone keep it on. He has been helicoptered to hospital too many times, where I've lost count.

His body isn't metabolising any food he manages to keep down, it's started metabolising his body instead.So now, he's down to 50 kg's. For a man that is 6"1, that's thin.

My mind has accepted that he won't walk me down the aisle in Hawaii. Not that it's the be all and end all in the grand scheme of things, I know. I'm not big-headed enough to think that walking me down the aisle is the important thing. It's just one of those little significant moments you like to think will happen, thats all.

He's depressed. He's all the way in Queensland and us kids are all the way here in Melbourne. He says often, almost every conversation, that there isn't much he doesn't feel sorry for and about. That the only thing he 'managed to get right' is us kids. I feel horrible that he's talking like that.

I just want him to get better, thats all. The doctors say that it's hopeless and nothing can be done, there is no cure, just pain relief to help him 'cope'. I've googled the illness he has, and Google is just as pessimistic as the bloody doctors.

I'm One Big Slacker!

Even my blog doesn't hear from me much these days.

I can hear it now, in a whiny Brooklyn accent:

"You don't caaaaall, you don't wriiiiite, not even your poor ol BLOG!"

Went for a couple of interviews yesterday. I think I'm getting a bit better at the interview thing. At least, yesterday I was on FIRE! Haha. I'd hire me, hell I'd give me Employee of the Month, before I'd worked a day!

Uh huh, yeah, I'm full of it. I don't need to be told. Toilets would look at me (if they had eyes) and comment "Wow, she's clogged up with the stuff" (if they had vocal cords).

Plannin a weddin here (shock, gasp, NO WAY!?) and thinkin I'm gonna start a sista-blog to this one, just for wedding crap. There aint a whole lot of real-life information about planning a destination wedding. I found a couple of great sites; a forum and somethin else on The Knot. Other then that, when I google 'Destination Wedding' or 'Wedding in Hawaii' all I get are syrupy-sweet "let us plan your dream wedding in Aloha Haw-ai-iiiii" wedding planner sites. Full of bad photography of couples who look like they got married in the 80's.

So, I'll just start my own destination-wedding-blog, with ideas I've found and all the little scambles a destination bride makes whilst trying not to look like Bridezilla.

Might even throw in a couple of 'knock-knock' jokes in there, if you're good.

Ahem, May I Have Your Attention Please

Over here....you sir, up in aisle 4, seat 296, put your popcorn down...I have an announcement...

It's Josh's 31st birthday!!!

*Crowd goes wild, some start climbing banisters*.

Seriously honey...and I know you've logged onto my blog today...still in your pj's, hair all sticky-up and all in that very sexy kinda way, to see if I spilled what today is....see there ya go, now you're smiling (even if you're shaking your head at the same time) and thinkin' "Dork-Ass....!"

Happy birthday babe, my absolutely amazing man!

Today is the start of your birthday week and I am going to spend all week spoiling you, showing you how much I love and adore you (as long as I can taunt you and be my usual smartass self too).

Let today be the start of the best year of your life yet. You are everything to me, I can't even begin to express how much you mean to me...but I plan on spending the rest of my life trying.

Love you so much honey *smooch*

Watch Over Me

'When trouble fills my world
you bring me peace
you calm me down
you're my release
when walls come crashing around my feet
you light my way
you're my release

so say you'll watch over me
when i'm in too deep
tell me you'll always be
there to pull me free

when the sun is beating down upon my brow
you are my shade
you cool me down
every time i tried to turn away
you brought me 'round
your humble way

so say you'll watch over me
when i'm in too deep
tell me you'll always be
there to pull me free
there to rescue me

for every time you sheltered me from harm
you showed me truth
kept me warm
every time you left me on the street
i found my way
i found my feet

so say you'll watch over me
when i'm in too deep
tell me you'll always be
there to pull me free
there to rescue me
there to pull me free
there to rescue me' -Bernard Fanning

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'The darkest hour is that before the dawn'

Rolling The Dice

As most of the world knows by now, Steve Irwin died yesterday.

I had just come back from lunch and was working out the back, with the designers, when I overhead the words 'Steve Irwin' and 'stingray' and just general joking around. For quite awhile, I just thought they were joking about the fact that he was stung by an animal he was handling, yet again, and assumed he was fine until I heard one of the girls mention how he has a young family and she felt bad for them, the kids especially. I started to think "oh, does she mean....nahhhhh, no way.....?" and walked to my computer to google for any news and thats when I saw that, yes, he had been killed just an hour before.

So surreal. He's one of those well-known people who, when you find out they've just died, can't fathom it. He really did seem larger then life and just someone that will always be around.

As much as I would roll my eyes when people would find out that I was Australian ,during my overseas ventures, and go "Steve Irwin- Crocodile Hunter!" I feel really sad that he's gone.

Sometimes whilst overseas, I got asked if I knew him. Aussies overseas probably have all been associated with him, as soon as their nationality was confirmed. It was amusing and expected.

He was real. He was who he was, there was no fake shit with or about him and thats why he appealed to people. He lived his life as real and as true as most people wish they could. He did what he loved and was passionate about and poured his whole heart and being into it.

And he died doing what he loved.

What a life well lived.

Goodbye to one of life's genuine, big hearted people.

Why are these people always taken first, while evil, horrible people stick around forever?

Roaming Rome

Blurry....but giddy happy...




I escape into these memories, of my travels, during these days of stress, exhaustion and uncertainty.

Swimming Underwater or Long Drowned?

What is it I salvage from mediocrity, wholesale ideas, stereotypes? My individual world, in which I grow faster, learn more and live more deeply.

-Anais Nin

Vitamin Of The Soul

I stumbled onto this woman's site, I forget how, and I started to read and was seduced into her world.

I started to read her life backwards...then I got to the middle and feel compelled to read it from the start, onwards.

She possesses so much beauty, so much heart, courage, compassion, writing her truth as poetry and illustrating it with amazing photography.

A few times I felt moved to tears....particularly on these two posts:

worn

bench


I just want to read every single word....Jen Gray

Be Courageous

“There is always a moment in any kind of struggle when
one feels in full bloom. Vivid. Alive. One might be
blown to bits in such a moment and still be at peace.

Martin Luther King, Jr. at the mountaintop. Gandhi
dying with the name of God on his lips. Sojourner
Truth baring her breasts at a women’s rights
convention in 1851. Harriet Tubman exposing her
revolver to some of the slaves she had freed, who,
fearing an unknown freedom, looked longingly backward
to their captivity, thereby endangering the freedom of
all.

To be such a person or to witness anyone at this
moment of transcendent presence is to know that what
is human is linked, by a daring compassion, to what is
divine.

During my years of being close to people
engaged in changing the world I have seen fear turn
into courage. Sorrow into joy. Funerals into
celebrations.

Because whatever the consequences,
people, standing side by side, have expressed who they
really are, and that ultimately they believe in the
love of the world and each other enough to be
that—which is the foundation of activism.” ~ alice walker

Revisiting the Mantra

Stay Positive.....things will get better....

Repeat 200 times.

I'm trying to listen to what my gut instinct is telling me.....I wish it wouldn't whisper. I wish my mind could shut up.

Feeling like a bit of an idiot right now. Am I about to make a decision that will mean being true to myself or a decision that is misguided and foolish?

I'll know that when I know which way is up, which end my feet are as opposed to my head.

Two Year Anniversary

It's SoulsJuice's two year anniversary!

I started this on the eve of my 30th Birthday, I guess it was my way of kicking off my 30s, coming to terms with 'growing up and being adult' and whatnot *wink*.

Don't think the adult part has sunk in, still waiting to feel like a 'grown up'. My version just doesn't feel the same as my parents version, when I would look to them as my 'grown-ups'.

Maybe they're waiting to feel 'grown-up' too...maybe we'll all forever be the knee-high kid looking up at the 'responsible adults'.

Maybe I'll just stay a kid, wearing a womans skin.

Happy 32nd birthday to me!