Someone's Wedding Day...

...Josh and I were supposed to be those 'someones', today...

May 31st 2007...our wedding day. Y'know, the one that we took a raincheck on because a certain little cutie took up residence in my belly...

We would've been up and getting ready in our wedding-finery finest in warm Hawaii right now. I probably would have been battling pre-wedding nerves by downing a glass of champers and scoring warm giggly red cheeks in the process whilst my lovely make- up artist tried to tame my rebellious hair into submission.

It would've been sweet as, before I fell pregnant, it felt like the day would take forever to arrive but it would've been here today at last...except now we have another year to wait. And there's this mysterious and somewhat nerve-inducing period in between now and our new wedding day date, where we face this totally life-changing and new experience that neither of us have any idea how we're going to cope with. Will this baby be a bad sleeper, colicky, refluxy? Will I struggle to get back into shape, therefore not fit into my dress? Will we be ok financially where we can afford to get married in Hawaii come next May 31st 2008? Will we be able to pull a wedding together at the same time as learning to be parents?

The questions float around, not going anywhere because they can't really be answered right now.

Josh and I are gonna go out to James Squire Brewhouse, at the Docklands, for dinner tonight in recognition of our postponed wedding day. We might be dorks and try on our wedding rings (again) tonight too lol. My dress hangs patiently on the back of our bedroom door (s'ok, I trust Josh not to peek) but I don't think I will be trying THAT on anytime soon. My baby bump is BIGGGG now. (will post more photos soon).

I gotta get my butt into gear and get those arty-farty preggy shots of me done. I've been waiting until I had a substantial belly and uh *looking down* I think it's pretty substantial now. I was standing in the shower the other night and started laughing when I looked down and realized I now couldn't see my feet unless I bent over (and even that's getting tricky).

LOTS of Corn Pop movement in there, I'm loving it! I poked my belly last night before going to sleep only to feel Corn Pop poke me back as if to say "Ey, get off!". I'm feeling kicks, punches (sometimes all at the same time), squirms, the whole kit and caboodle and the more I feel, the more I fall in love with this little bean.

Sometimes I'll be laying on my couch and I'll feel bubby squirming around and it feels like he/she is trying to find a comfy spot and I close my eyes and try and visualize what he/she looks like in there, right at that point in time. I swear it'd be great to have a little window on my belly so I could see but, then again, I think it makes the birth so much sweeter because you're seeing them for the first time after waiting SO long, wondering, wondering...

I'm making a mental note to post more often. Here I am, 27 weeks pregnant, almost 28 weeks and I've only posted about it a couple of times. I mean, geeze, I only have 12 - 13 weeks to go! Bubby's almost cooked!

Happy One Year Pre-Wedding Anniversay, sweetheart! I can't, can't, can't, can't wait until the day we finally get married. Love you xxxooo

Cuppy Cake

Ok, this is too bloody cute for it's own good!!!

Hiya cutie!

These clips of our munchkin-in-utero were taken about a couple of weeks ago, at the 20 week ultrasound (we're 23 weeks pregnant in 2 days from now woo woo!).

Josh is convinced the munchkin is a girl (we did not find out the gender, we're leaving it as a surprise to unfold at the birth). He's very comfortable in saying "she..." now when he refers to bubs.



I was running the above clip on a loop one night a couple of weeks ago and realized that bubby actually turns his/her head suddenly to the right and puts his/her right hand up at the same time. As if to say "Talk to the hand". I do this, jokingly, to Josh quite a bit so ....nice to see bubby has picked up one of mummys habits already lol.

Oh You Baddd Mother!!!

An observation on pregnancy...there is an extraordinairy amount of scaremongering out there, directed at pregnant women/parents.

I have lost count of the amount of times I have become worried because I have had a question and turned to the internet/other resources to find answers.

From eating the 'wrong' foods (listeria) to suffering from the flu, I have almost drowned in the hysteria of medical know-it-all's who would seem to have us all believe that pregnancy is a new concept to tread carefully in and that all things will potentially cause our baby harm.

Never mind the fact that women have been having babies since the dawn of time. We would have died out as a race a long time ago if half the shit that's forced down pregnant women's throats was true.

On Monday I came down with a 'flu type virus' (at least that was the diagnosis the doctor gave me) so if I believe what I read, my child will have me to blame when he/she is diagnosed with schizophrenia down the track or has a 'below average intelligence'.

I could make him/her a t-shirt that says "I'm mentally challenged because my mother went and got contracted the flu when I was a fetus", just to save them the explanation.

As if new (and old) parents don't have enough to worry about!

Extending on the above observations, another thing I noticed is that all that information and advice whizzing out there for all us new parents to grab (or be slapped in the face by) is very contradictory! Holy crap! Expect to be given a "yes" and a "no" answer and all shades of grey in between for any question ya got, kiddos!

A Baby...? Or A Baby Elephant?

You may just need a forklift to lift this Corn Pop onto your lap if she/he keeps growing at the rate they're growing!

I feel like someone inserted a ripe watermelon into my stomach while I wasn't looking. Seriously, I can't even manage to look at a glass of water without wanting to groan because I feel full to the gills.

I'm only 23 weeks pregnant this Monday! Whoa me...stretch belly, s...t...r...e...t...c...h! This baby is gonna keep growing, belly of mine, so I kinda need you to, you know, go along with it (humour me).

For such a huge event in my life (probably the biggest) I have written sweet F.A about this coming baby. It really has been one of those times where I have been rendered quiet and have pulled new information into me, rather then expelled it out of me.

A life growing inside of a woman, for the first time, is a period of a big readjustment to life itself, of change, of contemplation, of learning, of facing bad habits and fears.

It's taking the deck of cards of your identity and reshuffling them totally, to deal yourself a new hand.

Ahhh Baby Brain...

And I thought I was rich in ditzy moments BEFORE I fell pregnant...

Baby-Brain Moment # 1: Standing in my kitchen in the morning, eating my cereal and staring vacantly at the contents of my pantry, vaguely wondering what was wrong with the picture I was looking at. Eventually realized I was staring at the carton of milk I had put on the pantry shelf, instead of in the fridge.

Baby-Brain Moment # 2: Yesterday morning, breakfast time again. Josh had already poured me a bowl of cereal and had it waiting for me. I pour milk onto cereal, put milk back in fridge. Ahh challenge completed successfully. Speak to Josh as I pull out OJ. Grab a bowl and absent mindedly begin to pour OJ into bowl. Half a 'glass' later, look down at bowl, look at Josh...cue laughing. Josh now has more material to pull out for down the track, when he wants to amuse others with ancedotes of his baby-brain-addled wife-to-be.

Baby-Brain Moment # 3: Today at work. Putting stationery away in their appropriate spots. The portable phone I carry around work is on the bench in front of me, in amongst other stationery tools. Finish packing away stationery, grab phone and head to kitchen. Get to kitchen and realize it wasn't the phone I grabbed, I am holding the stapler.

Nice.

It'll get worse, mark my words.

Baby's Got Bump

A view from the outside...





I'm 20 weeks pregnant today! Happy Halfway Point!!!

The Corn Pop is moving around and I feel soft little tapping kicks every now and then. A couple of weeks ago I started feeling this really strange movement that was decidedly different to the kick/taps I feel these days. Sounds awful to compare our baby to a reptile but the sensation was akin to feeling the weight of a boa constrictor on the floor of my uterus, sliding around. Very Alien-like...

God, I feel like I've started writing about this very late in the game...I mean I'm halfway through my pregnancy and this is only my second post about it. I guess I didn't have words for this amazing time, I was digesting all these changes.

Sleeping on my side (yep, I'm a devoted, life-long belly sleeper) is still taking some getting used to, even with the maternity body pillow I forked out good money for. It's too fat and my leg either falls off it through the night or I wake up in the morning and discover the pillow slacking off on the floor.

I've been keeping a secret...

The Thin Blue Lines



12 week ultrasound...




Chillin and just hangin around in the comfort of a Corn Pop's own womb...



Sucking his/her thumb




Fairy Fingers that like to tickle my belly from within...




I'm 17 weeks pregnant now and showing quite the baby bump already. The wedding has been postponed to May 2008, instead of May 2007 (damn and we would have had only a couple of months left to go until we were married this year!).

I've had a good run so far with the pregnancy! I got minimal morning sickness...I'd basically feel a little nauseous at different little points during the day/night but it felt like really mild car sickness. I changed my eating habits so that I had breakfast, a small morning snack, lunch, mid afternoon snack and dinner and so on, so I think the regular eating (thus keeping my blood sugars up and level) helped, as well as being blessed with good genes (my mum got off lightly in regards to morning sickness too when she was pregnant).

Was this pregnancy an 'oops'. Yeah. We're running with it though. Was it an ideal time? Is it ever an ideal time to jump in the deep end and have children? I don't think it ever really is. Thing is, we wanted kids within the next couple of years after the wedding anyway. This little one just decided to make his or her entrance a little earlier than expected.

So, wedding is postponed, I've given up smoking (Josh and I both quit when we found out about our bubby in tow), haven't touched a drop of alcohol or caffeine for the past few months, eat healthier then I've eaten in my entire LIFE, drink the recommended 2 litres of water a day and sleep more then I've EVER slept!

No wonder people say I look radiant! Forget about the hormones that create 'that pregnancy glow', my body is radiating healthy shock!

Josh and I are hammering away at our debts and paying stuff off in alarming amounts! I think this Corn Pop growing inside of me is forcing us to grow into ADULTS! Well, ME at least anyway, Josh was always more responsible and adult then I was... Lol.

So, that's our news. In the first few weeks of December, we went from finally ending the visa/immigration saga and securing a visa for Josh to stay and work in the country, a cancer scare...we had one whole week where we were allowed to inhale and exhale for the first time in a year...THEN....

......those two little ominous thin blue lines appear on the stick......

Hold on tight, we're off again...!

Results

ANOTHER post I wrote back in December....I've been so slack in my 'non-posting-way!

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Biopsy results back, it aint melanoma! Turned out to be a bloody (scuse the pun) heomatoma (sp?). Basically, a blood vessel burst under the toenail. It sure LOOKED like a melanoma.

A weeks gone by since my toenail was ripped off and it still hurts. Can kinda walk now without too much of a limp but it's my second day back at work and I find that I walk home from the train station after work and I'm hurtin. Stings like hell, still.

Co-workers are gettin good at callin me 'hop-a-long' lol!

Portrait of an abused toe, it still doesn't like me...



Meanwhile, I had meh hair done too....had some blonde streaks put in, check me oot!







I love, love, love when my hair has been straightened. WHY can't it be like that ALL the time, naturally?!

Eventful Day

Update: Below is another post that I had written early to mid december. I had it saved as a draft and have gotten off my ass finally to publish them as a proper post.

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It was funny at the immigration office this morning. We get in, after bouncing 'left of field' questions off each other, such as...

"Ok, which side of the bed do you sleep on....The one nearest the door....ok!"

"ok, so we use Colgate toothpaste but we aren't LOYAL Colgate users, no...we buy whatever's on sale, ok that's GREAT!"

etc etc

We get in and within 5 minutes the case worker says "well we have more then enough evidence and I'm satisfied you are a real couple and have been defacto (common law) for at least 12 mths. You should have your visa acceptance letter in a couple of days etc etc..."

We're like , look at each other, look at her...."Huh? That's IT?! You're not gonna ask us any questions?! We also thought we'd have to sit back and wait a couple of months to get an answer....?!"

She's looking at us all relaxed and says "No, I'm satisfied. You have given me more then enough evidence"

We weren't gonna fight it, although I was wanting her to ask away! We walked out of the building laughin and jumpin up and down and I was so happy I kissed Josh and grabbed his butt and a woman sitting nearby saw that and laughed and said "Oh you two are SO cute!"

The docs was...a little gruesome.

He took a look at 'the mole-like thing imbedded under my big toenail, told me that he would need to take the nail completely off and did I want to do it today?

I shuddered and replied "Uh yes, I want this over and done with, no more waiting.."

So, a nurse held my hand and let me squeeze it while he stuck needles in the webbing between big toe and next toe, then injected needles about 6 times all over toe. I reverted back to little-girl sookiness and when he asked me if I was ok, I was holding back tears and went "uh huh...just do it, make sure I DON'T FEEL A THING!"

So, I was told to close my eyes and not to look and felt the pressure of tugging and slicing and pulling and toenail was off and I started feeling pain, even though he had injected a blocker and numbed the area. It started stinging and hurtin like a muvver! I'm like "It's hurtin, is that normal?!" He said that kinda pain was normal, and proceeded to take whatever it was out to send to biopsy. Put the toenail back on and bandaged it.

I sat up and said "I'm sorry, toe! Don't hate me"

Basically been given strict instructions to keep it elevated at all times, can only walk and lower it to go to the bathroom and shower (with it in a plastic bag). Will get the results in a few days and go back to work on Tuesday, as they need to change the dressing on Monday.

Foot's elevated on cushions on the desk as I type and toe is still throbbing like it's been chopped off, no matter how strong the painkillers are.

Doc told me that if I don't stay off my feet and go to parties and such, my toe will tell him it's been partying, come Monday, which was funny. Josh says he can say anything smartalec to me and will be safe as I can't catch him, hobbling like I am now.

I just STARTED this awesome new job! I feel awful that I'm taking time off but they are being wonderful about it and telling me not to worry.

The Big Pause

*Update: The below is a post I wrote back in early December last year. I had written it but decided to keep it as a draft only because Josh and I had our immigration interview coming up later that week and, as I had given them this blog site address as proof of a history of our relationship, I didn't want them reading that I had a potential health problem. Just in case it worked against our application...


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I had a dream last night...

What is unusual about that, eh? Everyone dreams, everynight.

Well, these days, it is highly unusual for me to remember my dreams.

So this dream...I was walking down the street after telling Josh I will meet back with him at a particular nominated spot (which I can't recall). I have my black knapsack slung on my shoulder, as it normally is.

A monk starts walking closely behind me. He is small in stature and wearing the robes monks wear. I realize too late that the zipper on my bag is open and the contents of my bag are on show, pocketed by the small unzipped section left.

The monk roughly burrows his grabbing hands in my bag, and grabs my purse and my camera. I distinctly have the feeling of "Noooo! My purse and camera contain my life, I CAN'T lose them!"

We struggle. It seems as though I am fighting a losing battle and feel sure I'm gonna lose both camera and purse. But finally, the monk lets go and scrambles off, leaving me standing with my things intact.

This dream struck me when I woke up and stayed with me throughout the day.

My new job, which I love, held a skin cancer screening session today for all employees. They flew a doctor in from Sydney, to spend all day checking our skin, one at a time.

I booked in as I have been meaning to get checked for awhile but, like most of us, don't get around to seeing a doctor. Also, there is this bruise-like thing under the toenail on my big toe, on my right foot. I noticed it about two weeks ago and paid attention to it as it had seemed to develop overnight. Josh mentioned that it might be just a bruise, that maybe I stubbed it or knocked it but I knew that hadn't happened. I looked at it and noticed it actually looked like a mole, an irregular one.

So, today, I was very interested in getting checked out and pointed out my toe to the doc. He grew VERY serious on inspecting it and actually put off other colleagues because he wanted to get me looked at by a Melbourne doctor, YESTERDAY. He started calling around and I overheard it telling doctor's receptionists "No, Wednesday next week is not soon enough. I need her to be seen today or tomorrow for a biopsy".

He is 90% sure it is a melanoma. He gave me his mobile number and asked me to promise that I will call him with the results. I have booked in to see someone next Wednesday.

I was so slammed busy at work today I didn't even have time to grab a glass of water and catch a breath. This kept me from letting his alarm and concern worry me to much. But now, here I sit at the computer and Google, researching melanoma and, in particular, melanoma under the toenail...and reading that it is the most lethal and aggressive form of skin cancer...I know I have faced almost dying a couple of times in my life but this has given me pause and a sudden reassessing of my life and what I have taken for granted.

Hey, it may just be in the early stages and will be treated successfully by surgery. But I'd be lying if I said that I'm not a little scared right now.

That dream I had last night is taking on a bit of meaning right now...?

God Aint gatecrashin THAT partay...

This made me laugh...

God a No-Show To TomKats Wedding?!

In case ya can't be bothered clicking on the link, here's the article, courtesy of pugbus...

"God Not Attending Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Wedding
By Chip Hilton
Nov 18, 2006, 10:32

VATICAN CITY - God issued a brief press release yesterday explaining that he won't attend the wedding of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes because he fears his presence would turn the ceremony into a media circus. Many god watchers interpreted his absence as a snub because he is offended by sham marriages between Catholic women and gay movie stars outside the church.

God's statement insists, however, that his absence is motivated simply by a desire not to infringe on the couple's privacy. In addition, the statement noted, god's decision should not be interpreted as payback for Mr. Cruise' snub of god's mother, Oprah Winfrey, who was not invited to the wedding.

"Nevertheless," Vatican insiders whisper "there was no way the big guy was going after he heard L. Ron Hubbard's seat at the wedding table was closer to the groom's than his."

In other wedding-of-the-century news, Entertainment Tonight is reporting that Ms. Holmes will wear a white satin jumper-gown, a high-fashion replica of the outfit she wore on her first date with Mr. Cruise, a visit to Chuck E. Cheese.

The menu for the reception is reported to include an open pizza bar followed by a sit down dinner of Salisbury steak, cheese fries, and creamed corn—and that's just for Kirstie Alley and her party.

Dessert is chocolate ice cream sculpted to resemble Oprah Winfrey's face. Guests are provided with tiny bowls of warn Vanilla Sky sauce to pour over the Oprah image.

A local winery, in return for being allowed to place its logo on the bride and groom's souvenir matchbooks, provided complimentary glasses of a forty-four-year-old merlot described as "short on the tongue but virile for its age."

Guests are "strongly advised" to arrive two hours prior to the ceremony in order to give themselves time to freshen up after being strip searched. Cell phones and cameras will be confiscated, and guests' hands will be stamped with an image of a L. Ron Hubbard. Guests have been informed that if they leave the reception hall, they will not be readmitted.

- PugBus.Com

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At least Katie had something old (Tom), something new (Suri), something borrowed (Scientology) and something blue (her family's mood, caused by her marrying Cruise-Control).

Belinda Emmett Died This Morning

I just saw the news on tv :(

Belinda Emmett Passes Away

I guess the news is still fresh because it was the only article I could find when I googled it.

I know it isn't a shock per se, because Belinda (Rove McManus's wife for those that are going "huh?") had been fighting cancer for the past eight years. She was first diagnosed with breast cancer, had treatment and was in remission. Then it spread. She has shown a lot of optimism though and no one had any idea she was losing the battle fast...

So, it wasn't a shock but it was a sad surprise. I did a double take at the tv and went "WHAT?! Awwww nooooo".

I feel so sad for her and Rove.

Took Your Cell Phone For A Swim?

Here's an article I ran into recently and thought it might be a help to all cell/mobile phone owners (lets face it, who doesn't have a cell phone these days?)

It's basically some tips on what to do if your phone goes for a swim, whether it be in the ocean, toilet or your drink at the local pub...

Rescuing a wet cellphone

It's one of those 'useless bits of info, that might come in handy one day' sorta deal.

You're welcome, in advance *wink*.

Sometimes I Get These Urges

...to be a smartass and do things like taking a marker and writing '=16' on all the vehicles that have '4x4' on them.

Or maybe that's too clever. I should show that I'm 'street/ghetto fabulous' enough and make it an even '20'.

Dropping the Curtain

People live two kinds of lives, all at once, all rolled up in one.

There's the life they live for other people, one they think they should live. It's full of 'shoulds'.

A play they perform for an audience, usually full of strangers, but with their loved ones sitting in the front row, in the Society Theatre.

The backstage is where it's most interesting, where honesty lies, warts and all.

There, the mask is dropped, there are no autocues, no costumes, no heavy make-up.

What does one do when they don't wanna perform 'The Play' anymore? When they wanna drop lines and ad-lib with what they really think and feel?

Dad

My dad is really sick.

He has been for the past few years but he's getting worse. He was always a thin man, has struggled to put any weight on him, let alone keep it on. He has been helicoptered to hospital too many times, where I've lost count.

His body isn't metabolising any food he manages to keep down, it's started metabolising his body instead.So now, he's down to 50 kg's. For a man that is 6"1, that's thin.

My mind has accepted that he won't walk me down the aisle in Hawaii. Not that it's the be all and end all in the grand scheme of things, I know. I'm not big-headed enough to think that walking me down the aisle is the important thing. It's just one of those little significant moments you like to think will happen, thats all.

He's depressed. He's all the way in Queensland and us kids are all the way here in Melbourne. He says often, almost every conversation, that there isn't much he doesn't feel sorry for and about. That the only thing he 'managed to get right' is us kids. I feel horrible that he's talking like that.

I just want him to get better, thats all. The doctors say that it's hopeless and nothing can be done, there is no cure, just pain relief to help him 'cope'. I've googled the illness he has, and Google is just as pessimistic as the bloody doctors.

I'm One Big Slacker!

Even my blog doesn't hear from me much these days.

I can hear it now, in a whiny Brooklyn accent:

"You don't caaaaall, you don't wriiiiite, not even your poor ol BLOG!"

Went for a couple of interviews yesterday. I think I'm getting a bit better at the interview thing. At least, yesterday I was on FIRE! Haha. I'd hire me, hell I'd give me Employee of the Month, before I'd worked a day!

Uh huh, yeah, I'm full of it. I don't need to be told. Toilets would look at me (if they had eyes) and comment "Wow, she's clogged up with the stuff" (if they had vocal cords).

Plannin a weddin here (shock, gasp, NO WAY!?) and thinkin I'm gonna start a sista-blog to this one, just for wedding crap. There aint a whole lot of real-life information about planning a destination wedding. I found a couple of great sites; a forum and somethin else on The Knot. Other then that, when I google 'Destination Wedding' or 'Wedding in Hawaii' all I get are syrupy-sweet "let us plan your dream wedding in Aloha Haw-ai-iiiii" wedding planner sites. Full of bad photography of couples who look like they got married in the 80's.

So, I'll just start my own destination-wedding-blog, with ideas I've found and all the little scambles a destination bride makes whilst trying not to look like Bridezilla.

Might even throw in a couple of 'knock-knock' jokes in there, if you're good.

Ahem, May I Have Your Attention Please

Over here....you sir, up in aisle 4, seat 296, put your popcorn down...I have an announcement...

It's Josh's 31st birthday!!!

*Crowd goes wild, some start climbing banisters*.

Seriously honey...and I know you've logged onto my blog today...still in your pj's, hair all sticky-up and all in that very sexy kinda way, to see if I spilled what today is....see there ya go, now you're smiling (even if you're shaking your head at the same time) and thinkin' "Dork-Ass....!"

Happy birthday babe, my absolutely amazing man!

Today is the start of your birthday week and I am going to spend all week spoiling you, showing you how much I love and adore you (as long as I can taunt you and be my usual smartass self too).

Let today be the start of the best year of your life yet. You are everything to me, I can't even begin to express how much you mean to me...but I plan on spending the rest of my life trying.

Love you so much honey *smooch*

Watch Over Me

'When trouble fills my world
you bring me peace
you calm me down
you're my release
when walls come crashing around my feet
you light my way
you're my release

so say you'll watch over me
when i'm in too deep
tell me you'll always be
there to pull me free

when the sun is beating down upon my brow
you are my shade
you cool me down
every time i tried to turn away
you brought me 'round
your humble way

so say you'll watch over me
when i'm in too deep
tell me you'll always be
there to pull me free
there to rescue me

for every time you sheltered me from harm
you showed me truth
kept me warm
every time you left me on the street
i found my way
i found my feet

so say you'll watch over me
when i'm in too deep
tell me you'll always be
there to pull me free
there to rescue me
there to pull me free
there to rescue me' -Bernard Fanning