News from New Orleans

Please bear with me on this super long post as I have a lot to write about...I don't even know where to start !

I'll probably be posting stories and happenings from other days but this particular post is gonna concentrate on my birthday, which was last Saturday August 13th.

Speaking of which, this blog turned 1 year old on that day !

Happy bloggiversay to SoulsJuice and stuffffff !

First up ...we stayed at this hotel International House


Josh and I awoke early and had breakfast in bed, which consisted of juice,coffee, bacon and yummy waffles. Leisurely room service at its best mmmmm.

Then we went downstairs around 9 am, where we got picked up by our tour bus which took us down to Lousianna swampland. This was were the swamp tour we had booked the day before commenced.

While we waited for the tour guides to beckon us to the airboat, we stood in the shaded deck area, which hugged the swamp, and spotted alligators galore. We started to get an understanding of just how hot it was on the swamp so I ran inside the tour office to grab sunscreen and water for Josh and myself.

Then we were led onto the airboat by a cajun dude in his 30's, put on earmuffs to drown out the roar of the engines and away we went. He took us all around the massive swamp, to all different sections of it.

The first time we stopped, the stench of rotten eggs and the heaviest of heat that we've EVER felt enveloped us. As the guide talked, I looked down at the water and thought to myself that the worst water in the world to fall into would be this.

Dirty, muddy, smelly water.... swarming with gators.

Niiiiiiiice.

We all sat there, literally sweating buckets, as we tried to cope with the overpowering heat.

We fed marshmellows to a young gator that approached the boat and were tickled by the fact that gators like eating these sweet items of food. We named this gator 'Cody-Gator', after my nephew, as it looked to be a young one.....not a baby but definitely nowhere near adulthood.



Anyway, we learnt a lot of interesting facts, told by a cajun fella whos family owned the land going back quite a few generations. He had grown up on the swamp and knew it like he knew the back of his hand.
So he knew his stuff....

Afterwards, we dawdled around and I decided I wanted to go for a Monsoon at the Port of Call for an afternoon drink before we went out to dinner. It was only 3 pm and our reservation was for 7 pm so we had time. We were only going to get the drinks to go and make our way back slowly...

Buttttt....we met a cool couple at Port and we stayed back and chatted. I was slowly sippin the Monsoon ( it comes in a milkshake size container). Finally we emerged and started walkin back to our hotel and I sipped and took photos and realized I was tipsy. I kept reassuring Josh that a cool shower would snap me out of my tipsiness, because I knew he was a bit worried. He had put a mammoth amount of planning with this restaurant and I knew he had been looking forward to the night, as was I. Yet with each tiny sip I started getting more giggly and, obviously, drunker. ( I gotta add that I was not even halfway through this one alcoholic drink of the day. So the drunkeness was highly surprising to me as I know my limits ).

At least, I know my limits in my normal circumstances, with my normal drinks.

We got back into the air-con'd hotel room and thats when the world started spinning sickenly fast.For the next hour I was paraletic drunk, not able to stand up without feeling as if I was gonna throw up and pass out.
Yes I was hugging that porcelein throne like it was my best friend.

I was aghast at how easily I had gotten so leglessly drunk on such a small amount of alcohol but it turned out that the reason for it was that I was that dehydrated from the morning spent at the swamp that the tiny amount I had sipped knocked me on my ass well and truly.
I knew how important the dinner was, how much Josh had put into it so I had no intentions of getting drunk at all.
I was mortified to say the least!

Poor Josh showered and got ready, asking with a worried look, if I wanted him to cancel dinner. I told him "No" and that I would pull myself outta this in time for dinner ( an hour away ). Also told him it was fine for him to wait downstairs at the hotel bar.
Then began the massive task of pulling myself out of the throes of alcoholic annihilation.

I had NO idea how I was going to pull this off but I was bloody determined like I've never been before lol !

I sat with my head between my knees in the shower , under cool water, cursing myself for letting this happen on today of all days. Asking for the god's of sobriety to help me out a little here. Made the usual bargains etc.

When I was able to stand up I went to get dressed and Josh came back with two glasses in his hand, telling me to drink them to feel better. The bartender downstairs had made club soda and bitters and told him to get me to drink it to settle my stomach, followed by coke as a chaser. So I sipped it like mad. Which caused me to throw up again......
It was only then that I started to feel human again.
Anyway I got dressed, did my hair and off we went to the restaurant. We were 15 minutes late but it's lucky we made it at all !

The general manager/ sommelier ( Jeff Kundinger) is a friend of Josh's brother, David ( who is also a well known sommelier by most ppl in the industry.)
They're both studying for their Master Sommelier Diploma, which isnt held by many people in the world.
We were treated like ROYALTY at this fantastic place, Cuvee !

It's one of the premier fine dining restaurants in New Orleans and we had the best table in the place so this was awesome.
We were waited on left, right and centre and served a different wine with each of our courses. We had 9 courses in total.



I didnt wanna look at alcohol at that stage but I sipped it anyway...feeling so bad that I couldnt enjoy it like I should've.

It turned out the restaurant had planned 15 courses for us but Josh had organised a horse-drawn carriage for us and it turned up around course 8. So Josh had to tell him to wait whilst we finished dinner.

Then Josh asked for my present to be bought to the table.It arrived in a Sak's Fifth Avenue box and Josh stood behind me while I opened it.Three layers of tissue paper later I arrived at a coffee table book which had a picture of a kite in the sky...that I had photographed at The Beaches in Toronto.

He had arranged for a coffee table book filled with all my 'arty' photographs, pictures of my family and pictures of us and his family ! It was titled ' A Little Book of Us' after the first little notebook I had written for him and sent to him for Valentines Day back in February. The first page had a photo of me as a little girl and him as a little boy, both of us around 2 years of age.

I started crying around the 2nd or 3rd page and tried to compose myself as I turned each page and he whispered descriptions in my ear, what each photo meant etc.

Then I turned to the last page, noticing Josh had knelt down beside me. The page showed a photo of a ring and a message superimposed over it, starting with "Dear Tina...". It was a few paragraphs from him telling me how much he loved me. Ending with..

" Will you marry me ?"

I turned to him and saw that he was on one knee and I whispered " Yes honey" ...I dont remember which order everything happened after that but there was a kiss and embrace, a beautiful solitaire diamond ring slipped on my finger and more whispers from me of " Of course I will marry you " and a whisper from him saying " I told you I'd court you ..."

Am I makin ya sick yet ? Oh theres more to come lol !

We got up to go and Jeff came up beaming and hugged me saying "Congratulations sweety! Welcome to the family ", followed by the other staff and surrounding tables.
After many congrats and smiles and peeks at the ring etc we went outside to the waiting horse drawn carriage and were taken around the French Quarter. I couldnt stop staring at the ring ! It is so beautiful ! Josh started calling all his family and telling them I said yes as we took in the amazing sight of New Orleans on a warm summer night.

After half an hour, we were dropped off at our hotel room. Got a photo taken of us on the carriage....



...and I was led upstairs. Josh reassured me that " there's one more thing ...".

My jaw just kept on dropping.

Sure enough, he opened our hotel room door and I was greeted by the sight of a room lit up by strawberry tealight candles and red rose petals absolutely everywhere. On the bed, the windowsills, the bathroom... not one section of the room was uncovered.
The sight and scent of the room was amazing! A bucket stood on the sidetable, a bottle of champagne in it and two flutes next to it. Jazz music was playing.



My god, this night could NOT get any more romantic and memorable then this !

It turns out everyone that had contact with Josh knew about his plans and loved what he was doing.

I was filled in after this by Josh, about what had gone on 'behind the scenes'.
When we first arrived at our hotel room in New Orleans, on day one, he had left me for an hour to 'do something'. It turns out he went out in search of gift wrapping for my book. He searched everywhere, finally trying Sak's as a last resort. He approached a saleswoman and she said, with regret, that she couldnt gift wrap anything that wasnt purchased at the store. So he told her of his plans. He ended up with 4 or 5 salesgirls around him, looking through the coffee table books and listening to his plans ( a few of them actually had tears ) and the woman told him " Honey, I dont care if I get into trouble, I'm going to help you ! " in her southern drawl and proceeded to wrap the book for him. They made him promise to bring me back the next day.
Which he kept to. We were greeted with hugs and congrats the Sunday following and we spoke to one of the girls for awhile. She told us that our story, and the saleswoman who helped him, would be written about in an article of their Sak's newsletter which is circulated in all the Sak's store across the U.S.
Sunday night we had dinner at the Port Of Call where the bartender we had made friends with asked us if he could buy us a couple of glasses of champagne to celebrate our engagement.
I still couldnt stomach alcohol at this point so we declined.
Then later that night, our hotel manager, Troy, who we had also befriended during our stay ( and who also knew of Josh's plans ) asked if he could buy us drinks at the hotel bar.
Man, all these free drinks when I cant DRINK ! Murphy's Law !

Josh also told me that, when he was sitting at the hotel bar waiting for me to sober up and pull myself together, he was so stressed he started downing doubles. His brother called him and Josh explained his panic and his brother told him...
" Man, first of all, if you get drunk.....this AIIIINNNNNT gonna work ...". The girl tending bar asked him where he was going that night, looking all nice and he explained " I'm meant to be proposing to my girlfriend in approximately two hours and she's upstairs puking her guts up !". The girl took charge, saying " Honey, we're gonna fix this , dont you worry...!" and proceeded to make the club soda and coke that he took up to me.

A funny little bit of info.... I wasnt the only thrower-upper of the night. Josh was so nervous that he went to the bathroom at Cuvee after the third course and threw up also lol !

Josh's brother and sister-in-law were going to help him out by paying for dinner. David had told Jeff to put it all on his credit card. Yet Jeff confessed to Josh that he wasnt going to even charge David for it.
Cuvee comped our whole night there ( $ 400 - 500 worth of food and wine ) !! They declared it was a pleasure to be part of our night and to help make it so memorable.
I just wished that I didnt get so wasted on a quarter of a Monsoon so that I could fully enjoy the food and wine as it should've been enjoyed !

As we later learnt, when Josh asked for my gift to be bought out, the entire staff ( waiters, chef's, head chef's, Jeff etc ) all dropped what they were doing and crammed around the kitchen door to watch him propose. We didnt even notice them !
Also Jeff told Josh that about 6 tables there that night had complained about the fact that we had been given the best table in the establishment over them. Jeff explained to one couple that it was a case of his friends brother was going to propose to his girlfriend this night, hence why we were being so utterly spoiled by them in every facet. The woman of this complaining couple replied " Well how do you know MY husband isnt going to propose to ME ?!

Ummmm......maybe because you're already married ?
Snooty rich people used to getting their way, but not getting it that night lol.

Best......birthday.......EVER !!!

Babe I love you so so much. You make me the happiest I've ever been and I feel like the most loved, luckiest person in the world with you. I cant wait to marry you and it would be an honour to be your wife.

For those I know and who wanna come along to the wedding, it's gonna be on a beach in Hawaii around the end of next year/start of 2007. Start savin the pennies haha!

To see other photos of our night at Cuvee/carriage ride/ hotel room etc...as well as other photos of our stay in New Orleans, clicky here Piccies! !

( More photos will be added soon ).

Man, I Love Hairdressers...

...that listen to me ....

So I dont like my new hairdresser right now ...

(I posted this on the Lypton Village Forum
so just copying and pasting...)

I think my hairdresser is deaf, in fact.

I like blonde.
I like blonde hair on me.

I know my hair is damaged and thirsting for moisture but my hairdresser back home always was able to make me blonde, as long as I promised to hit it with lots of protein treatments afterwards ( and yeah I tended to be a bit slack with actually doing that)

My hair had some green tinges through it ( thats never happened before and, no, I havent been swimming ).
I said I wouldnt mind going a LITTLE darker blonde , if I HAD to, as long as it was BLONDE.

MY hairdresser was on her own agenda. Now I'm brunette.

It looks a fair bit lighter in these pics then it actually is. Maybe some ppl will say " Oh but it suits you ..." etc but I like what I like and brown isnt it. Also, considering the fact that its a freshly colored look, this is only going to become a very boring dull color when it starts to fade etc. AND when I have to go back to my curly style ( my hair was straightened today after the color ).







I'll have to go back tomorrow and ask for them to lighten it and I hate doin that, I feel embarressed and as if I'm pissin em off. They're gonna go on about how my hair is so pourous and damaged blahdy blah blah but *sigh*......

I was on the verge of tears on the way home, kept glancing into shop windows to look at my new brunette 'do.

Here it actually 'looks' blonde ...only looks that way because of the lighting in the apt but THIS I would've been ok with. It's a lot darker in reality.

100 Things.

Feeling creative, wanting to write. Decided to just keep these creative juices flowing into something, well, substantially creative by just keeping the fingers moving.

A'la lil exercise doing just that. The tv is on so I'm not in ideal writer-modeness.
At least, not the mode needed to come up with an orginal story concept.

100 things I like/love.

1. The smell of fresh bread drifting from a bakery first thing in the morning.

2. The first scent of Spring.

3. Laughing until the tears roll and the belly hurts.

4. Cute kids sitting in prams ( strollers ).

5. Weekends where I dont have to go or be anywhere.

6. Movie nights.

7. Watching an inspiring movie.

8. Listening to a great song/album.

9. Watching and hearing a baby giggle.

10. Watching Josh shave in the shower.

11. Kissing Josh.

12. Ok well, anything Josh in general.

13. Long, luxurious massages.

14. Tulips. Any color.

15. Lillies of any kind.

16. Listening to someone speaking spanish.

17. Photography. Particularly black and white.

18. Drooling over SLR's ( Nikon D70, commmmme to mama )

19. That endorphin rush after exercise ( not that I do any these days blah ).

20. Most documentaries.

21. Reading National Geographic.

22. Smell of freshly brewed coffee.

23. Kahlua.

24. Baileys.

25. Shooting a good photo and looking at it and thinkin " Oohhh, I captured that ?! Maybe I have some knack for this ...."

26. Talking to my nephews. Being called a Do-Do Head by Wise, Elder Nephew( pronounced doe-doe ).

27. Kisses on the back of my neck from the J-Man ( he planted a few on me just now and I remembered how much I love em haha ).

28. Long, stimulating, great conversations about anything.

29. Stroking Lucy's fur and chatting to her after a long day at work.

30. Feeling optimistic that I can, one day, stop wasting my days stuck in a mind-numbingly boring office ( or any job I have zero passion for ).

God that job is BORING. Ditto the office-talk that comes with it. I would easily spend my day just doing my job and not have to participate in the, mostly gossipy, chatter but then it would just seem that I'm rude and snobby.

( Josh was just on the computer and added things to my list such as having wild monkey sex with him etc but my sisters, who read this blog, dont need that visual so I think I'll leave those ones out, ahem ).

Sorry Nikki, you've still got that visual huh. Think of dolphins or somethin to anihilate the thought.

31. Reading a great story with an original plot.
Cookie cutter stories with cookie-cutter dialogue, characters and ending cause my mind to lie back and think of England, cursing me for subjecting it to yet another wham-bam-thank-you-mam story equivalent to Leisure-Suit Larry.

32. The sweet scent of summer rain after a bout of hot,humid days.

33. Margahritas ( I swear I'm not alcoholic ).

34. Dreams of travelling to places such as Tuscany, Rome, Greek Islands, Spain, St Petersburg, Africa ....list goes onnnnnnn.

35. Dreaming of owning a house of ocean views in Italy or any beautiful place thats warm all year round and spending my days writing and taking photos.

36. Daydreams in general.

37. The taste of a rich, chocolately milk rolling over my tongue. ( lately it's been Rolo flavoured milk ).

38. Being overcome by a frenzy of creativity.

39. Warm, soft sunlight on my bare skin.

40. Animals.

41. Dolphins and whales. Learning about them.

42. Not having the tv on.

43. Walking around discovering a new city.

44. Falling into bed feeling exhausted, after a productive day, and knowing I can sleep in the next morning.

45. Expanding on # 38, not being able, or wanting, to stop once the creative juices are flowing.

46. Hearing about people saving/caring for animals.

47. Sitting on a lookout over a city and gazing upon the city lights, watching lightening in the distance.

48. Being safely indoors and listening to and watching a thunderstorm.

49. Coming home, taking a hot shower and getting into soft, warm flannelette pj's and fluffy slippers in the cold of winter.

50. (When I am that way ) being fit.

51. Gazing out the car window out into the dark night on long drives when I was a kid. Or resting my head against a pillow and falling asleep during these drives.

52. The knowledge that my mum is there to take care of me if I'm sick or need her T.L.C for any other reason....regardless of my age.

53. Purity.

54. Seeing and listening to a good, passionate, handclapping gospel choir of amazing voices.

55. Watching the All Blacks perform a haka before a match. Watching the faces of the opposing team in response trying not to shit themselves.

56. The way kids tell it 'how it is'. Not much comes out of their mouths edited for others easy conspumption.

57. The wonder of children. The 'newness' of everything to them, yet the juxtaposing organic wisdom they also possess.

58. Singing along to Jeff Buckley's 'Last Goodbye' out of tune and Josh turning up the tv to drown me out.

Causing me to sing LOUDER.

59. Finding old diaries/letters/scraps of paper with random poetry/thoughts of mine and sitting down and reading them.

60. That feeling of release when I cry.

61. Yawning.

62. The fact that even thinking about yawning produces one.

63. Invisibility.

64. Reading an interesting blog ( and mine isnt one of em. I'm positive that maybe only 4 people read this and they're family members and friends.)

65. Graffiti that makes me go " Wow, great point! Y'know I never thought of it that way...."

66. The smell of petrol.

67. Watching my cat zoom around the apartment and leap into the air, either playing with her ball or her imaginary friends she hasnt yet introduced us to.

68. Also, witnessing the domestics she has with her scratching post.
They get into some serious arguements.
She has to take off into another room for alone time, ending it 20 seconds later by zooming back into the room and pouncing on it all " I missed youuuuuu.I'm sowwwwy !" like.

69. This number. Naughty,naughty.

70. Cute firemen in their uniforms. Hummina Hummina.

71. Sensing my nana near and feeling she is watching over me.

72. Hanging out with my sisters and mum.

73. Having my apartment sparkly clean and smelling yummy due to incense or candle.

74. Hanging out in bookstores.

75. Philosophy.

76. Sitting on a beach and watching a sunrise or sunset. The way the scent of the ocean clears my mind of worries, fears and doubts and opens up to answers, ideas and a calmer sense of being.

77. Revisiting favourite childhood books. The Narnia Chronicles, The Magic Faraway Tree, The Water Babies, Snugglepot & Cuddlepie, The Witches....to name a few.

I just realized a lot of this list are book themed. Moving on...

78. Dancing.

79. Sweet closure on past painful events. Moving on knowing that I've grown from it and that things always happen for a reason.

80. Fiestas, street festivals.

81. Water slides.

82. Seeing wedding parties out getting their photos taken before they head to their reception. Searching for the bride to check out her dress.

83. Accomplishing goals.

I always dreamt ( but never seriously thought I'd do it ) that I'd travel. New Orleans was always one of those spots I fantasized about exploring. I am living this dream right now, albeit poor as a mule on a mountainside. In debt up the wazoo at the mo but is it worth it? Affirmative.
It took a certain amount of " Stop thinking 'One Day I will...." and get off your ass and do it right now'..."
Next stop: going back to school and getting a degree/diploma etc.

84. Vegemite toast and crumpets. Apply butter, wait a moment while it melts into said crumpet/piece of toast, spread vegemite on until its all melty itself, eat. Aussie in her happy place.

85. Mexican food. Italian food.

86. Knocking off work on a Friday.

87. Wandering around a marketplace with money to burn. St Kilda Foreshore Market on a sunny, beautiful Sunday is a fave one. Walking along the Upper Esplanade, checking out all the wonderful, original items for sale and enjoying the view of St Kilda beach, then going for coffee down Acland Street. Ahhhh I miss that.

88. Feeling loved.

89. Brightening up someones day. Even if its something as simple as smiling at a stranger who, unbenownst to me, has been having a shitty day up until then.

90. Beautiful, unique jewellery.
Simple, delicate and elegant silver/platinum/white gold or funky, one of a kind, symbolic pieces are me. I dont wear a lot of jewellery but, when I do, I do it in a K.I.S.S ( keep it simple schweetheart ) kinda style.

91. Double Hit popcorn from Kernels

92. Pickled onions. Not the sweet ones, the big fat vinegary ones.

93. Eating fruit that isnt overly ripe (is still pretty firm to the touch) and tangy. Mangoes, blackberries, plums ( mmmmm Blood plums), pineapples, peaches etc. Cutting up a lemon and eating it as is or drinking freshly squeezed straight lemon juice is also goooooooooood.

94. Tropical climates.

95. Candles.

96. Knee high, zip up black boots with platform heels.
I cant wear heels that make my feet arch.

97. Having long nails and getting them all frenchy manicured. Frenchy pedicures too.

98. Perfume: Angel, Jean Paul Gaultier, Strawberry Oil ( from The Body Shop).
Theres a lot of perfumes I like but these are my sig scents.

99. Being afforded another day.

100. Finding more things to add to this list.

I cant believe you've actually read right down to here.

Babe !!!

HAPPY ONE YEAR CYBERVERSARY SWEETHEART !!!

Here's to one year of becoming aware of each others presence in this big world.
Heres to falling in love with each other and crossing this world just to be together.

You make me so happy and continue to amaze me with everything you do and everything you are.I want to fill you up with as much happiness and contentment.
Dunno about you but I plan to put many numbers in between ' Happy __ Cyberversary' !

The one year Anniversary is cominnnnnn (December 4th )! Buckle ya seatbelt.

Love you honey

A Note On Religion

Just a note about the previous post....

The intelligent and loving force of our world which I refer to is not sprung from any religious dogma or doctrines. I dont subscribe to them and, frankly, people who try to push their 'beliefs' down my throat piss me off.

While such people may have good intentions, I wish they would realise that other peoples quiet quest for some understanding of spiritual truth is a deeply personal journey that, ultimately, only they can make alone.

The teachings which you pursue are great, whether it be via a book, in a church, a spiritual leader etc ...if it all taps into that place inside of you where YOU are bought closer to understanding. It is but a tool in order to do this.
I, however, am going to listen to my own heart, find my own way to tap into it, listen to what feels right. So I need those people, who get into my business, to stop spouting their doctrines long enough, so that I have the quiet required to hear this almost inaudible whispering deep down in my soul.
If I have to get naked and dance around a fire like a lunatic to do this then handddddd me the matches babbbbyyy !
And don't peek at my sinful pagan butt, willya ! I'm shy ;)...

Some call this being 'God'..some call it by other names.
There are many incarnations and names of this mysterious force, in religions across the board. Differing interpretations are wonderful and good.
To veto another's interpretation, because it doesnt support your own is just ignorant. And ignorance and intolerance is at the heart of many forms of ugliness humans wreak on each other.
We have some religious teachings cultivated and twisted by man over the centuries to support whatever bias/purpose of particular powerful establishments at the time.
For anyone or anything that didnt support the 'status quo', that held differing beliefs and ways of living ....well such 'unsavoury' individuals and information went 'buh bye'...
( or, at least, some groups of people tried to make them go buh bye..).

History is rife with supression and murder, committed by humans in the name of 'God' and organised religion.

I feel that there are kernels of truth in religious teachings.
Yet it is the tonne of embellishment ( along with the omission of conflicting information ) , laid nice and thick on top of it all, that I cant ( and wont ) swallow and stomach.
The game of 'Chinese Whispers' springs to mind.

I'm not attacking anyone's belief system here. I am merely getting fed up with people ringing my doorbell at my home, preaching Christianity at me through the intercom. Or talking with someone and having the conversation peppered with " Jesus ( or insert other religious figure ) wants you to accept Him into your heart" etc etc..
When I am in the mood, I love nothing more then to sit and talk about other peoples views on this subject. I am not adverse to listening to differing ideologies.
In fact I find it interesting.
The aforementioned situation is fine because its on even ground and on each of our terms. I am inviting debate/discussion on the topic so therefore it isnt a time where I feel 'cornered' or feel as if I possess a 'poor, unenlightened' soul that someone else feels compelled to 'educate' and 'save.'

At the end of the day, it just seems as though those who take the liberty to preach to others, uninvited, convey the attitude that their belief system is the 'correct' one, the only one, and others perceived 'belief system' ( for lack of a better term ) is wrong.
To reiterate, those people who have their personal spiritual beliefs, in whichever form they come in, I respect.
For those who push their religion on others and believe their way is the only way, take your attitude elsewhere because I have no time for it.
I've been told before that I wont get into 'Heaven' ( whatever Heaven is ) because I dont subscribe to such-and-such faith, because I am not 'playing the game by the rules'.
There's that presumptious " my belief's are right and yours are wrong " attitude again.
How the fuck do you know that your soul is going to 'Heaven' and mine will go to 'Hell' if I dont swallow the 'Jesus' pill simply because you told me to...?!
If someone 'hears the Call' , then they will seek it out and come to the party, so to speak.
Like the super cool movie 'Field Of Dreams': " If you build it, they will come..."
Ya didnt see ol Kevin C. going from house to house, hitting people over the heads with a baseball bat, didja ?

For example,one of the things I respect and admire about Nepalese Buddhist monks ( and Buddhists in general )is that they lead their lives and pursue spiritual enlightenment in a quiet, calm, respectful manner. They welcome others into the fray when they come seeking to follow the same path. When others ask them about Buddhism, they're open about it.

No hard sell. No knocking on the doors of peoples residences when they're trying to enjoy a quiet day off with their families on a Sunday afternoon. No stopping people in the street and preaching at them. No hippocritical " Do as I preach and not as I do " ( and, yes, I'm talking about priests feelin choir kiddies up... amongst the rest of it. Which is excused by " man is essentially flawed and sinful. This was a trangression tut tut". ). Buddhists are one example where I do not observe a lot of hippocrisy.

If I wanted your opinion on the best way to go about 'saving my soul' ... I would ask you for it. If I dont ask, then have the respect not to push it on me, however subtle.
I am not saying anyones beliefs are wrong or inferior to mine, I dont presume to have this knowledge. So show me, and others, the same courtesy.

This episode was bought to you by the letters 'OM'

;)

Carrying Light In Darkness.

When someone close to you dies so suddenly and tragically at a young age, not only are you faced with the loss of someone you love....you face the fragility of life.
This fragility is what makes us beautiful.

Death has its beauty too, in that it is the cleansing release of the soul into a plane where one becomes everything again, not just a soul struggling in a limited mortal body. There are no lies in death.

I know that it was his time to leave , that questions will not bring answers because there is something bigger going on that humans will never quite understand. But, oh , to bring some understanding to his parents and siblings, to everyone who loves him...just to bring some comfort to their hearts, burning with heartbreak and grief which is engulfing them now.

I know he is in a beautiful place now. It's the ones who are left behind that face this long, dark night of sorrow and "why's".

Life takes a moment to create, 9 months to nurture into the world...but it takes mere seconds to be blinked out.
A breeze blows somewhere in the world and someones flickering flame is extinguished.
Making the world a little darker for those who surround them.
I guess that is why I light candles for people who I have known, when they pass over. The candle is my way of lighting an eternal light inside of me for them. A way of honoring them by promising to carry their flame for them until I myself pass on.
Someone you spoke to just yesterday could be gone today.
You could be gone tomorrow.
So live today as if it's all that you have. Tell your loved ones all the truths in your heart. Be true to yourself and don't ever live a carbon copy existence.
You were put on this earth for a reason. Your heart of hearts knows what it is.
Maybe one of the best things you can ever do is turn off surrounding noise and listen to that quiet little voice until you learn what it is.

Messages to Brian

In the Herald-Sun today.

I'm a little outta the loop. I didnt know if anyone had put any death notices in but I had a feeling that if they had, the notices would be in today.
So I checked online...














I went out for dinner with Josh's family tonight, for his mums 59th birthday. I was laughing and joking, chatting and being my usual goofy self. As if nothing had happened.

I just didnt wanna be a wet blanket on Rhonda's birthday dinner so I pushed everything off into another world, out of sight. I'm an expert at this, so much so that I even fooled myself that nothing was wrong...so my smiles and laughter were genuine. I had a good time with great company.

And I feel guilty that I can do that right now.

It still doesnt feel real. And it probably wont for me because I cant attend his funeral and be there for my family.Yet I need for it to feel real, I need to feel that in order to say goodbye to him properly.Theres value in facing this kind of reality, no matter how awful or painful.

Day After Brian Left

Josh's mum, Rhonda, came over this morning to give me a hug and comfort me.

I love his family and I love the way they're gathering around in this time.

Josh has been giving me non-stop cuddles. He's been there in ways more then he realizes.His love and support has been a cradle for me today.

It's so strange when someone you love, one of your family members, one of your tribe, dies.
You wake up the next day...and the next...and the day after that and the world is just going on, business per usual. You find moments in the days following ( now ending Day One ) where you forget and you laugh and smile, get lost in a movie, talk about other things going on in your life and then you remember...

One of yours, who was here just a few days ago, is now gone.

Josh and I went to the Toronto Street Festival, just a 5 minute walk down Yonge Street from our apartment. We had planned to go all week and Josh asked if I wanted to stay home but I had to get out of the apartment.
So we went and I took the usual photos and felt guilty that I was in my own world for most of the day. Feeling like I was leaving Josh on the outer as I, almost obsessively, clicked away with my camera and sought out photo ops. I found myself apologizing to him for most of the time we were there. I cant imagine it was an enjoyable day for him.
I felt like I was walking in a daze today, fragile and bleary eyed.
Viewing Toronto, and its beating heart, through a lens drew me like a moth to a flame.

At one point we sat on the curb and watched children riding the Merry-Go-Round, delight in their faces, giggles erupting with each breath and I smiled at the vision in front of me.
Then the tears came again because I remembered Brian at the same age, giggling with so much life in him and so much to look forward to...

After we got home I took my journal and went to the bar two doors down and sat on the rooftop patio. Ordered a margherita and wrote. After an hour I went home feeling totally and utterly drained.Went to bed for an hour, after checking in with mum back home and seeing how Deanne and Skeeta ( Brians parents ) and Luke and Taylah ( Brians younger siblings ) were doing.

Deanne had tried to drink herself into oblivion the night before, understandably.
Everyone stopped her and put her to bed.
Skeeta, who was the one who had to identify Brians body at the scene of the accident, had gone to bed early.
Taylah hasnt been hit by it all yet. She was acting as she normally does.I hope she's afforded this for as long as possible. I have a feeling the funeral is when she's going to realize it's all not just a bad joke and he isnt coming back.
Luke....is being Luke. He's a quiet old soul who watches the world and remains quiet and observing. Speaking only when he has something important to say. He's carrying his brothers loss deep and I hope he doesnt hold it in for too long.

I havent had the stomach for food. I made myself eat a salad and two pieces of garlic bread earlier.Its 1 am and I have layed in bed for a while. Couldnt sleep, so I got up to sit in the dark loungeroom.

Thought I'd type something in here while I was at it.

A Young Life...

...was extinguished a few hours ago.

I posted this elsewhere so I'll just copy and paste..dont have a lot more of typin in me tonight...

My cousin, Brian, was driving to football ( he was an up and coming footballer for a team in a small country town called Streatham ) and was killed in an accident this morning ( 10:30 am Australian Eastern Standard time).

My mum doesnt have all the details but apparently a train was involved too. Which leads me to think that he was crossing train lines and a train collided with his car. Some country towns have a problem where some crossings dont have signals ...and its quite possible he had music playin and didnt hear the train or something...

But I dont know anything for sure yet.

He was only 18 and we were close. He was not only my mums nephew but also her godson. He's survived by his parents and his younger brother and sister.

My mind still hasnt processed it quite fully yet...I cant even comprehend the hell my aunt and uncle are going through right now. They had gone ahead of him and were waiting for him at the football ground. I'm pretty sure the game was cancelled in respect.

I just wish I could be there to give my family cuddles. I'm really feelin the distance between my loved ones right now. It's so hard hearing my mum and sisters sob heartbrokenly and not being able to gather them in an embrace.

So so hard when someone is killed so young. He'll never celebrate his 21st, get married.....Man he was just such a fantastic kid...always quick to be there for anyone who needed anything...

I'll never see him again :(

Edit : Its on the Aus news site already, seems my feeling that there wasnt a crossing signal was right...

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,15872354-29277,00.html

The article has his age bracket wrong but ...semantics huh.

Will post more later.

Bet I Can Make Ya ...

..... yawn....

Well not me exactly, Emilie.

Lets see how long ya last without yawning

Actually just thinkin about it sets me off.

Live 8

Its an absolutely brilliant day outside, weather-wise and I've been bopping around my apartment, whilst cleaning, with the Live 8 worldwide concerts blaring on my tv.

Man, talk about amazing music !! The line-up at the 10 concert locations worldwide is a concert promoters wet dream come true !

One of the concert locations is in Barrie, Ontario which is only an HOUR drive from my place here in midtown Toronto. I am so close to it I could touch it ! Which is why I'm bummed that I couldnt go. The tickets were all sold out in less then 20 minutes. It isnt as hot as its been lately, in fact its beautiful warm weather so it would've been a fantastic day to be there.

Oh well, I've got it on the tube and my apartment is all clean now so I aint complainin ;).

Jet, an Aussie band, is playing at the Barrie concert right as I type. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oi, Oi, Oi !!

*Goes off to bop around the apartment to " Are You Gonna Be My Girl"...

Canada Day Eh.

Happy Canuckian Day ppl !!!

Josh and I spent today at the movies, saw the much awaited War Of The Worlds ( It was great, we loved it ) and then we went for drinks with a friend ( Scott ).
The day started off hot, as usual this month, but turned cooler. Which sucked because I went out wearing summery gear. We went to a cool place for drinks and sat outside where I proceeded to shiver in the cool change !
I just saw on the news that June 2005 has been recorded as the hottest June in Ontario history.
I'm tempted to say that I bought the 'famed' Aus weather/heat with me but, being a Melbourne girl , that would entail four seasons in one day and also, quite frankly, Melbourne 'summers' have been shite over the past 5 - 6 years.
When ppl talk to me about the heat we've been having here they allude to the fact that, me being Aussie, I must be thriving in it because thats what I'm accustomed to.
I laugh when I hear that and tell them to spend some time in good ol Melbourne. The ppl I have these convo's with think Aus is one big hot continent all over. I suppose we should stop the false advertisement of ' a sunburnt country'.
I explain to them that, unlike here and the U.S , the South in Australia is not the hottest part of the country. Like with how our toilets flush in the opposite direction, as does our heat.
We're not only Down-Under, we're upside down and backwards *wink*

To read how our Canada Day night went see below post lol...

Creepy

So last night Josh and I get home after spending the afternoon bbq'ing at his friends place...

I was takin out the garbage with plans to run next door to Rogers Video to grab a dvd. I toss the garbage in the dumpster around the side of our apartment and emerge onto the street. There's a guy standing there somewhat awkwardly in front of the apartment building, looking around. He looked to be in his late 40's, early 50's and was clad in attire befitting a 'respectable' middle aged guy, whiteish sorta hair etc. When he sees me I get the impression he's like a kid that has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He asks if there is an apartment to rent in our block ( the first clue might have been the ' apartment for rent' sandwich board that is immediantly outside, on our front lawn ... I dunno ... life can be so confusing sometimes ? )
I point to the sign and say " thats what it says ..."
He asks " Do you live here, around here ...?
" I'm visiting" comes out of my mouth, I'm getting a wierd vibe from this dude.Its an intuition that has served me well since I was a little girl, getting me out of many a potentially dangerous situation.
He proceeds to ask what the neighbourhood is like " Because my son is lookin for a place and ..."
" Oh well, I dunno. Its a cool neighbourhood, sure. I wouldnt really know, I'm new to the country."
" Oh well I'll write the number down " he says and proceeds to write in his notebook and walks off.
I come inside and tell Josh about it and then I went next door to get the movie and thats that.
Some hours later I'm sitting in the living room, lights on and window open to let the fresh air in and I hear a strange snapping sound.
Josh had been in bed at that point for about 20 minutes. I see him come out of the bedroom and go to the (also open ) kitchen window and close it, peering outside. It turns out that he was laying in bed and, all of a sudden, he heard footsteps and the soft light streaming into the bedroom window from outside darkened as if someone is standing at the window blocking it. He got up, grabbed his asp and started snapping it in front of the window to warn off whoever it was.
We didnt see/hear anyone after that.
It creeped me out when he came out and told me this because I thought maybe someone was watching me in the living room and walked around the back to break in, thinking that I was at home alone...only to be met with someone else ( Josh ) at the bedroom window snapping his weapon before he started trying to get into the window.
I mused on the possibility that the dude I encountered earlier that night might have come back...
Tonight I went to lay down with him when he went to bed to cuddle him g'night. We were laying there in the dark for about 5 - 10 minutes when suddenly we heard about 4 or 5 taps/knocks in the room. We paused for a second, I said " What the fuck...!" and I hopped off the bed, looking toward the window, to where the noise seemed to come from. We went to the window and ... no one.
Josh tried knocking on the window glass and it definately sounded exactly like the noise.
Problem with our apartment is that it is a 'sub-basement' one. The bottom of our windows ( which are standard placement in the walls ) are level with the street outside. Makes it easy for ppl to see right in. Also , all someone has to do to get to the back of our apartment, to the bedroom and kitchen windows, is walk around to it from the street. Theres no gates or whatever blocking anyone who wants to walk around to the back, the sideway leading to the back is immediantly beside our apartment.
I'm gonna be a little uneasy if Josh ever gets put onto a nightshift schedule at all.I'll just make sure the back windows are locked, phone is beside me at all times and tv/cd volume is low.
It was just creepy, I'd hate to think of how I'd have felt lying in bed in the dark, alone at home, and hearing those knocks on the window.
I'm getting lessons off Josh on how to use that bloody asp. And how to get out of holds/grapples if some eijitt was trying to hold me down....

Happy Birthday Lil Sistah!!

HAPPY 26TH BIRTHDAY NIKKI BABE !!!!!

May your day be filled with magical fairy-like happiness and silliness !!!

I may be on the other side of the world but know that I'm thinking about you and missing ya and wish I could be there to celebrate it with you! I hope you like your pressie ( when it finally gets to you ).

Like I said on the ecard I sent you , you're not only my sister but one of my best friends in this world. Thank you for always being there and forever making me laugh until tears roll down my face and my belly hurtsssssssss.

Have a fantastic day and may this year be your best year so far.

Love ya kiddo !!

It was also my mums birthday 10 days ago ( 15th June ). She is also one of my best friends and I feel so blessed that I came to this earth into her arms as her daughter. Hey maybe I am biased but she is the best mother in the world.
So happy birthday mum , I love you more with every corner and depth of my heart and soul.

Hottttt

Lurking around the apartment in my bathers as the heatwave continues. 35C yesterday with the humidex and not sure what today is temp-wise but its still hawwwt. Gotta get dressed soon and go to Josh's parents place on my own ( Josh is at work ) for the regular Sunday dinner ( bbq tonight ). His mums cousin and her nephew are gonna be there.
I am really quite content to stay at home , in my bathers, and enjoy my Sunday day off and do some writing/work on my photography/read before I have to start the work week tomorrow....I liked my quiet Sundays where I didnt have to go/be anywhere...its just a breather before the week starts all over again so I've always been a little possessive of my Sunday Me-time.

Since the Aus government changed the law on citizenship ( ie. Australians can now hold dual residency ) I've been thinking of applying for Canadian citizenship ...

Josh and I really have to get things in motion regarding his moving to Aus after my work visa runs out also...

A Beautiful Song

Click Here to download 'Una Palabra'.. ya wont regret it

( its the 4th song from the top of list )

Una Palabra

Una palabra no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo
igual que el viento que esconde el agua
como las flores que esconde el lodo.

Una mirada no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo dice todo
como la lluvia sobre tu cara
o el viejo mapa de algún tesoro.

Una verdad no dice nada
y al mismo tiempo lo esconde todo
como una hoguera que no se apaga
como una piedra que nace polvo.

Si un día me faltas no seré nada
y al mismo tiempo lo seré todo
porque en tus ojos están mis alas
y está la orilla donde me ahogo,
porque en tus ojos están mis alas
y está la orilla donde me ahogo.




Translation

A Word/Una Palabra

A word says nothing
And at the same time it hides everything

Just as the wind that hides the water
Like the flowers that hide the earth

A glance says nothing
And at the same time it says everything

Like the rain on your face
Or an old map; a treasure

A truth says nothing
And at the same time it hides everything

Like a bonfire that cannot be extinguished
Like a stone that is born of dust.

If one day I’m gone, I will be nothing
And at the same time I’ll be everything

Because in your eyes there are my wings
And the shore where I drown,

Because in your eyes are my wings
And the shore where I drown.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Joss Stone

Wednesday night was Joss Stone concert night at Massey Hall !!

Massey Hall is an intimate cosy venue in downtown Toronto that is similar in size and appearance to The Melbourne Town Hall. We had seats in the first balcony towards the right hand side of the stage. The distance from the stage was equivalent to sitting in row two on the floor, only we were up one itty bitty level. Best seat I've ever had at a concert ! She's a cute lil thang, playing with the audience and jumping off the stage quite a few times and going out into the audience to get them up and dancing. Some girls sitting beside us kept hollering out " I love yewwww Jossssss !" , causing her ( once or twice ) to stop her song and giggle.

She put on a great show and has a fantastic voice live; the true barometer of singing talent.

Her supporting act was Raul Midon
. What an up and coming talent ! His voice reminded me of a cross between Stevie Wonder and Guy Sebastian. He seems to write a lot of his own songs also. Superb voice !

After the concert we wandered up Yonge Street in the warm spring night, sitting down on some steps and people watching for awhile.

That was the best part of the night for me.... :)

Musical Baton

Manda passed the musical baton to me so here goes it .....

Total volume of music on my computer:
Oh gawd, I dunno .... I just started d/l'ing music on this comp so it wouldnt be much.

The last CD I bought:
Josh bought two cd's for me last night in a music van parked outside of the Joss Stone concert at Massey Hall. One was Raul Midon- His limited live edition, which he autographed for me. The other was 'The Beats of Brazil'.
Edit: Bought the 'Man on Fire' cd last Thursday !

Song Playing:
'Una Palabra'- a haunting song from the 'Man on Fire' soundtrack.

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:
'In the Arms of an Angel' - Sarah McLaughlin.
'Dont Speak'- No Doubt.
'The Day You Went Away'- Wendy Mathews
'Georgia On My Mind'- Ray Charles
'Una Palabra' Carlos Varela


Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:

Kara
Nikki
Kristy
Rebecca
Josh

Little Perceived Differences # 1

Some small differences between Canada and Australia that I've noticed.

Canauckians really do attach 'eh' a lot to the end of their sentences. In a noticeable way. I mean, I had a habit of saying 'eh' at the end of my sentences back home but I would say it in one whole breath, for example:

" It was a good movie eh !"

Whereas, I've noticed Canuckians say it with more exaggeration on the 'eh', as in:

" It was a good movie .... ( wait a few beats) ehhh!"

If I was Canadian I'd plan to have the words " I died, eh ! " on my headstone after I carked it.
Jusssst playin with ya, Canuckians, dont feed me to the mooses !

Pizza slices are freakin BIG here. They're like two and a half times bigger then Aussie pizza slices.

Matter of fact, a lot of their food/drink/grocery item proportions are bigger.

The obvious: they drive on the wrong side of the road.. When I first arrived here it felt so awkward crossing the road. I would automatically turn my head right instead of left, to look for oncoming vehicles.

Drivers slow down in the middle of a busy road and wait for you to cross over, if you're in the middle. Aussie drivers just let ya stand in the centre and play a game of Frogger as ya look for a big enough gap between cars to scoot across. Though, perhaps they just did that because I had a 'deer in the headlights' look about me. Now I automatically turn my head left when crossing ( yay for me and my road survival, stay-outta-hospital-coz-I-have-no-medical-coverage'ness ! ). Yet I sometimes lapse and check the 'right' way as well lol.

They have squirrels ! Still wondering if the little critters bite ?

They dont have an accent, its me who does.Their accents stood out when I first arrived. But now I've stopped hearing their accent and started hearing mine. Even to my own ears I talk funny lol.Someone asked me my name the other day and when I told them they looked at me quizzically and asked " Thats an exotic name, how do you spell that ?"
"Um T...I...N...A "
" Oh TINA ! "
"How did it sound to you when I said it "?
" It sounded like Taynah or somethin.."
I've lost my accent a couple of times where, one example, I've accidently pronounced 'cant' and sounding out the 'a' like ya would pronounce it for 'can'...instead of how I normally say it, which is pronouncing it like we do 'car' ie."carrnt". Suddenly our way of pronouncing 'cant' sounds rude heh ( I was gonna type out the obvious word it sounds like but its crude and that word grates on me like nails on a chalkboard).


Some other things in short..

Ppl stand on the right side of the escalator and walk up/down on the left side. Probably in relation to the fact that they drive on the wrong side of the road and cant break this habit.

When they try to put on an aussie accent they come out sounding like a hybrid of South African, British and Kiwi.

Canadian temperature, weather-wise, feels warmer then Melbourne temperature equivalent.. A 17 degree C day here feels like a 24 degree C day back home.

My cat even meows with a Canadian accent. Meooooow-eh , purrrrr-eh.

A lot of Canadian men treat their women a hella lot better then a lot of Aussie men.Not generalising and saying all on either nationality's part but I've noticed the differences with the whole attitude to the dating game. Canadian men seem to be more romantic, respectful,thoughtful and in 'wooing' mode... even after they've 'got the girl'.
From what I've seen from Aussie men ( in my own experience and in others I've observed )a lot of Aussie guys seem to think that the fact that they're going out with ya and willing to let ya hold their remote control ( when ya pick it up to wipe down the coffee table ) is romantic enough.... haha.

Anyway I'll remember the other observations and make more observations in other posts to come.

Later, eh !

300 + Channels...

... and tonight I finally came across an Aussie show shown on Canuckian cable tv !

Great Aussie show!

They dont just show Steve Irwin here haha ! Although, I suppose the characters arent a far cry from him and the stereotypical 'Dundee' character of which overseas'ers believe all Aussies act,talk and live like ...

At least it aint Neighbours *cringe*


Crikey !

:p

Injustice Served

Click on the link above ( post title ) to see the story I'm talking about.



Schapelle Corby was found guilty of drug smuggling, in a GROSS case of injustice, in a bali court yesterday.

You wanna know my gut instinct on this woman and this case ?
She was a young woman ,flying out to Bali, who got the surprise of her life when Indonesian security opened up her surfboard case and pulled out marijuana. She, most likely, reacted how I, my sisters or any of my friends would react which was :

This is a mistake and it will all be sorted out soon. Someone planted this on me and it wont be long until my innocence is established and I can go home.
Right after the dope was found, her demeanour seemed to speak that reaction in volumes.

My mum felt gutted watching this unfold because she saw her daughters in this woman. Knowing that she could have so easily been me, travelling on my own to different places and being vulnerable to bastards planting something in my suitcase. She spoke of how she would feel as a mother, KNOWING her daughter could not and would not do something like this and TRYING to make the public understand that she is not just talking as a biased mum ...but as a mother who KNOWS, more then anything she's ever known, that her kid is innocent. And wanting, needing nothing more then to shout angrily in the Indonesian authority's face and take her baby home.

There have been some that have said that an airport worker ( possibly someone in Australian Customs ) is responsible. The thought of someone on the 'inside' of airport customs taking advantage of their position and working in conjunction with a contact in Indonesian ( and other countries )customs does not surprise me.

I wonder how many unsuspecting travellers have had drugs stashed in their luggage by someone at an opportune moment before the luggage gets stored on the plane and removed by someone in customs at the other end, only to pick up their luggage at the carousel none the wiser ? The surfboard case that Schapelle had must have been a cinch to get into.
Pretty smart way to get this shit from one country to the next with not much risk to a few shifty customs employees involved making money doing this eh ?
The drugs enter another country and 'disappear and they make their money. If the drugs are found, by law-abiding airport staff, then the person who owns the luggage lands in the shit...not them.

Some cowardly piece of shit ( or more then one ) is sitting comfortably at home right now letting an innocent woman take a massive fall on his/their behalf.

Some Dreams

One of the things I want to do whilst in Toronto is write stories.
Or just one long story that could become a published novel.
I want to begin it here and complete it here, thats my goal.

I've been thinking of what I am going to write, where its going to be set and who the characters will be. So far I'm thinking it will be set in New Orleans, mayyyyyyybe in the 1930's or 1940's.
I want my women to wear fab-gorgeous corsets and I want it to have an erotic undercurrent.

Ideally I would write this book whilst living in New Orleans, soaking up its mysterious, romantic atmosphere, its colourful past and present. Listen to the beating hearts and souls of the people who once walked and slept, loved and had their heart broken within it.
Delve into Cajun and Creole worlds.
Follow the ghosts of Voodoo queens.
Its an old dream but a dream which still has oxygen, where a flame still flickers.

I have a sister-dream of doing the same in Tuscany, in some old picturesque villa nestled amongst its rolling hills or reclining on its coastline.
I want to sit at a table with locals and drink wine and eat mouth-melting, sumptuous Italian food with them and listen to their stories.
I want to take my camera, pen and paper and sit in the middle of a field and see and feel for myself why artists are so in love with Tuscany's sunlight, soak up the magical quality in this sunlight they so raved about.

Are these dreams realistic? Dreams are born in the womb of your soul where reality will never touch but where these dreams can eventually emerge dancing into reality.
Only when these dreams are nurtured and cultivated until they're strong enough to see the light of day and withstand the world you move in.

I have to stop this human habit of thinking in the box of 'feasible' and remember that life is to be moulded any damn shape I want it to take. Stop mulling on what is expected of me and go by the compass of my heart.

A New Day

I walked home after work yesterday ( I'm a 15 minute walk from work ), welcoming the fresh air and fading light of the day.
I walk through Mt Pleasant Cemetary which runs alongside most of my walk home and find its a peaceful, pretty place. One can see at least half a dozen squirrels at any given time in this cemetary and having not seen one up close before, I take notice of the little creatures and smile at their cuteness. The first time I spotted one, on my walk home last Saturday, I stopped on the path and watched it. It noticed me too and maybe, having not seen a strange, displaced Aussie before, it took notice of me too and started to approach me for a closer look at my 'cuteness'.
Lol.
I continued walking though because I wasnt sure if they bite/have rabies. Ahhh my Northern American creature naivety ?

As I was walking home I mused apon a comment that Maude made in my "New Country Blues" post; about having a peaceful,thought-collecting place when in a new land.
Well Mt Pleasant is a start, I've yet to discover beautiful peaceful havens this city has to offer. I'm sure there are hundreds and I cant wait to find them.

Taking Lucy to the vet today. I'm not familiar with the city really and never been to this area before so this should be interesting lol. I just went and bought a cat carrier and have to take public transport so wish me luck and hope I dont get lost with a distressed, on heat, cat in a bag.

Yucky Day Continued.

Why do people have to be so horrible to staff on the phone ?

Got to work today, after writing the last couple of posts, still feeling down and proceeded to 'get on with it' at the office.

A patient calls, one that I had spoken to the day before. She had called the previous day to reschedule her appointment from Wednesday to this Friday so I did my best to line up a massage with one of our massage therapists and an appointment with Sid, one of our chiropractors so that she could pretty much see Sid after her massage.
Later on in the day I realized that this woman was already in the appt book for Friday ( why did she not tell me this instead of acting like she was simply moving her appts from Wednesday to Friday ? ). Someone else in the office had already booked her in to see another chiropractor, Mila, after a massage with Krista. So I call her, leave a message on her answering machine about this and asked her to call back to confirm.
Today she calls and when I tell her shes seeing Mila she gets all riled up. I tell her that everyone is pretty booked out and this is the best we can do for her but she yells " NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" !!! pretty aggressively down the phone. " I dont WANT to see Mila, I want to see SID. HE is the ONLY one who sees me and its been this way for two years !!". Then started sighing and carrying on saying how unnacceptable this was, that we were mucking her around. I said as calmly as I could " I'm really sorry about this....what do you want to do... ?"
" Oh just nevermind. I'll come in for the massage only. Sid's gonna have your head ".
" MY head ?" I asked.
" Oh whoever makes the appts yada yada ..."

Gotta love copping the shit for other ppl's mistakes. Some ppl dont think about the fact that the person trying to help you on the other end of the phone is simply just a person getting through their day.... possibly someone who is having a bad day and has been close to tears all day themselves.

Guess My Accent Update.

One woman got it right yesterday and asked where in Aus I was from. Probably because she was in Aus and NZ for 6 months so she came to know how we sound.

Yay !

New Country Blues

I think thats whats goin on with me....

First the build up and workin my ass off in two jobs, running around like a madwoman trying to organise my move to Canada in stolen moments whilst AT my full-time job...

Then the excitement of being here in Canada.

Then I started a new job, got a 2nd job in about a week of being here. The office job is only giving me 20 hours a week at a measly $ 10 an hour before tax. The second job fell through because the office job kept me there until 7:30 and it just didnt fit in with the 2nd jobs hours so *plonk* went the bar job, in the toilet.

Yeah I went into holiday mode when I got here and still trying to pick myself up outta it.Things just feel a little strange at the mo and I miss the stability of the full time Monday-Saturday job I had back home...where I got paid half-decently. I had a routine going and now things are all up in the air and I feel vulnerable and down these days. I dont wanna even say " I'm going to do this " etc to other people because at the moment it sounds like just 'talk' ...so whats the point ?

So get off your butt and do somethin about it ya lazy sod, are the words floating around my mind and probably yours too.Stop whining/talking/promising...

The place where Josh works may be going on strike in the coming months and if they do it could last anywhere from two to five months, without pay. So on top of the mountain of debt both of us have, we'll still have to find some way to pay living costs.
New Orleans in August for my birthday is looking VERY VERY iffy right now....
I want to travel as much as I can and see as much as I can of Canada and the world, not be buried under work and paying off debts.

I miss hangin out with my mum and sisters. I miss my nephews cuddles and laughter.

In other news , Lucy the cat is on heat and is being quite noisy about it ( although she is sleeping on the couch on the mo ). Gotta take her into the vet tomorrow for a pre-op then book her in to get spayed. Fun for her eh.

Dont get me wrong, I love Lucy to bits and wouldnt trade her for anything but now shes a responsilbility and if we wanna go see other parts of Canada and the States we're gonna have to constantly get someone to catsit her. Then we'll have to fly her back to Aus and she'll have to be quarantined whilst we travel to Spain and Italy on our way back to Aus ( if we can afford it ).

I had to vent...these are just a few things playin on my mind...I'll probably be fine and back to my normal self very very soon and see things in a different, more positive light. I just dont wanna go home to Aus and say all I did was work and live like I normally do back home which comprised of work,home,work,home, responsibilities.
I just want this to be an adventure.

May Resolutions

Since I've landed in Toronto I've been so lazy and unmotivated its pissing me off so ....

I resolve to:

Get back into my fitness routine.Take up yoga and pilates again whilst undertaking the usual cardio shtuff.

Go back to eating healthy ( I've put on 5 kg's since I've been here eeek ).

Going to bed at a reasonable hour and starting my days early.

Keep the apartment cleaner.

Spend less time on the net.

Get a second job ( oh man, going from $600 a week to $200 a week bites HARD).

Read all the books I have lined up to read.

Dive into my writing and photography.

Start chiseling away at my mountain of debt.

See more of Canada.

Start saving for New Orleans, Italy and Spain.

Oh myyyy, this ' Getting my ass into gear " task above seems like a lot....Specifically the debt issue :(

Ms Puss

I'm a mummy ( oh wait , I'm in Canada so make that 'mommy' )

She was born on September 1st 2004 and she's a green-eyed beauty.

And furry and charcoal grey.

She was adopted from the Humane Society ( Josh went down for a 'look' and fell in love with her at first sight) in Toronto and is the craziest, funniest Ms Puss in Canuckialand. She's been chasing me around the apartment playing a hybrid of tag/hide & seek. I hide around corners and she scales the corner to chest height, whacks me with her grey paw ( " You're IT !!! ) and zooms off.
We were thinking about getting a Russian Blue cat but we couldnt justify spending $ 800 + on a pet and theres so many animals in shelters, needing love and a home . Lucy was the name she came with ( from her previous owner ) and I wasnt too keen on it but she knows that name so ... she gets Lucy, Lucy-Lui , Lucy-belle or Lu-Lu.

Pics to come later as I cant resize my current photos of her ( no photoshop *sob* ), they took up the entire screen.

In other news, I am consistently amused by Canuckians trying to guess where my accent hails from.So far the current score is approx:

South African : 18

New Zealand : 14

Aussie : 3

English : 2

Apparently I dont have a 'strong' aussie accent. I'm guessing its coz I dont sound ocker like Steve Irwin or Paul Hogan.

Date Night

Kissed awake by gorgeous boyfriend this morning .....

Yeahhh not to shabby a way to wake up *wink*

Aforementioned gorgeous boyfriend had something up his sleeve this morning and departed with a sly grin before my sleepy self had brushed half-remembered dreams out of my eyes. Drifted off back to sleep with " WHAT is he up to ...." thoughts ...finally had enough of the zzzz's and luxuriated, like a lady-of-leisure, in our living room in my 'jama's until I heard his key in the door 10 minutes after rising.

He was back with my new addiction; a large French Vanilla Cappuccino ( ohhh mmmm you-so-fabulous ) and extras ( cheese croissants ). Oh and he'd been across the street and had booked and paid for a pedicure and a gel refill for my nails.

Theres no end to the utter spoiling.

He hung around at home whilst I spent 2 hours at the nail salon and another half hour of me meandering around stores nearby.We hung around the house after I got back then headed out to Silver City to see 'The Interpreter', which is a 5 minute walk away from us. He banned photo taking on our Date Nights but the camera was in my bag and the rain making Yonge Street glisten so prettily... well it was just killin me that I couldnt record tonight in some way so ... yeah three pics were taken ( sorry baby I had to lol ).....

The movie was a " I could have waited until it was out on dvd " deal but could've done worse. We walked home in the rain and threw on ' Jeepers Creepers ' and continued movie night at home ....and prepared to get spooked ...
But we just giggled our way through it....

I've had two and a half glasses of bourbon and coke and I'm feelin buzzed...whatta cheap date eh....?

Passover this weekend. Much family time and dinners this weekend. Josh will get to catch up with his older bro and sister-in-law this weekend, as they are flying in tomorrow from Boston... and I get to meet them for the first time !

The last three weeks have been a pleathora of firsts and new beginnings .... I think my head has just stopped spinnin .... I dunno ...I was beginning to resemble Linda Blair a la The Exorcist ...

More to report .. will log on tomorrow night hopefully ...

Message to you-yes you, you know who you are Mister Boofriend of mine.... I love you bigger then Canada !

- Lovesick ( and still dazed )in Toronto

Have You Ever ....

...felt so happy and amazed that you've cried ?

Oh dearrrrr me lol..... if you have a weak stomach look away now because I'm about to get sickening again...dont say I didnt warn ya...

Josh, this is for you babe.

I thought I knew all there was to know about being in a relationship with someone.

I thought there was only a distance any man could reach with me, before he came to a dead stop at my impenetrable wall, giving him no choice but to linger on the outside the rest of our time together.

Boyfriends ( and a fiance ) have been and gone and the wall has remained strong and intact. They gave up on penetrating it not long after butting heads with it and I let them, maybe even encouraged them to give up and we'd just resign ourselves to living on opposite sides of it.

And I resigned myself to the possibility that no one would ever have the courage and the fortitude to take a chisel to it or throw over a rope ladder fashioned out of trust and climb over to me. Even whilst I issued protestations and deployed other evasive methods out of a fear that feels as though it's existed in my soul long before I was even born.

But this was what I 'thought' I knew.
Until I met you.
And the amazement I feel springs from the realization that not only do I feel safe with you coming to me on my side of the wall ....I welcome you like a parched, dry-mouthed desert traveller would welcome a deep fresh-water spring. You've awoken so many beautiful emotions inside of me. You hold long hidden facets of my psyche softly in your cupped warm hands and reassure me there's nothing ugly or wrong there, that theres no need to hide them from you. It feels so raw and delicate but the cool air you're blowing on it all is a soothing balm.

Its always been about the other person in the past so its all strange and new having someone make me feel this special and happy.
My automatic response is to turn it around and focus on you, lavish affection and love on you but when you stop me and tell me " This is for you" ... and I paused and realized that I could accept it all, as it is ... on its own ...without guilt....it flicked on a switch somewhere. It was an invisible gift, one that no one has given me before.

I just keep on falling even deeper in love with you. It feels like an endless, wonderful fall into a sparkling nirvana.
Yesterday my emotions just bubbled to the surface in the only way they could at that moment; tears.
Yeah, you're spending your days and sharin your heart with a weird, strange girly... get used to that fact because ( as I tell ya on a regular basis ) I'm stickin to ya like Tarzan Grip bebe lol.
You are the most amazing man, babe, and you have my heart completely. You truly do make this world brighter and warmer and I know we could do anything together in it.
I love you honey.

Love T xxxooo

Playin In Canuckian Waters

Oh have I been a regular lazybum this past week !

I've been slidin outta bed around 10 am'ish each day, hovering over breakfast and peekin around in my regular net haunts, doin a little more organizing via phone with my financial biz back home in Aus, before pulling on my boots and wandering down Yonge Street and poking my nose in Toronto shopping life.

After the busy months just passed, this feels gooooooood!

I got the job at the chiro clinic and start on Monday ! At first it'll be around 29 hours a week so now I need to find a second job to sustain things until more hours are availabubble at this new job. My credit cards are takin punches like the credit-card men they are but they're startin to snarl dangerously at me so I'm crossing my fingers ( and eyes ) that the $$$ will start flowin in again kinddddda soonish.

I introduce myself each day to the city and the city smiles its charming hello back as I walk down Yonge Street. I'm dying to take the camera out and take portrait shots of the many faces of Toronto, its many frowns and grins.

Discovered a very New Orleans flavoured music store around the corner from home and spent a cool half hour talkin to its owner about blues & jazz music and N'awlins. He told me about a great little New Orleans radio station which I'm listening to online as I type. In case you're interested this is the radio stations online address.

This little treasure of a store will be haunt # 1 on my discovery list.

After my Yonge Street ambling, I stop at the Starbucks 6 doors down from home and get my cuppacino skim grande with hazelnut, cinnamon dusting its froth, and head home and sit down at the computer, under the living room window. Watching the ppl go by I contemplate the book I am determined to write before I leave this place. Thinking of Josh, counting the minutes until he gets home.
And I cant recall the last time where I've felt THIS happy and content and inspired in my life.

Hello Canuckia !

Wow ....where do I start ?!

It's been so long since I've been online,let alone made an entry in here, the keyboard is looking alien to me ha....

The last month or so leading up to leaving Australia was crazy chaos and stresssssssful.
I had to apply for a U.S visa because of a simple 3 hour layover at LAX. I wasnt eligible for the 90 day visa waiver program because I am going to be in North America for longer then 90 days. So it was a mad stressful rush of trying each day to get an appointment at the US embassy in Melbourne in time in order to process the visa in time for me to leave.
At one stage I wasnt able to get an appointment until the 23rd of March which meant that the Easter weekend fell pretty much straight after and I was leaving on the Easter Monday. So I was having to check the embassy site every day, relying, hoping, praying that someone would cancel any earlier appointment they were holding.
Arghhh !!
Josh checked the site one day, about 20 minutes after I had checked (and had no luck). He happened to have checked at the right time because an appointment for the 18th had just become available, so I left the new girl I was training at work to hold the forte and RUSHED to the internet cafe next door to try to snatch up the appointment before someone else did ( ya have to be lightening FAST to grab appointments as it turns out).
Thankfully I got it.
So, yeah, those weeks were a mad rush of getting documents, photos and id etc together, training the new girl to take over my position at work, spending as much time with my family as humanly possible, packing, shopping for warm clothes, closing bank accounts, writing up my resume,working two jobs and chasing up references etc and other general things one must take care of when they're moving to another country.
And somewhere in there, talk to my boy....
I was exhausted by the time I got on the plane at Melbourne, after tears had been shed with goodbyes to family members.

Anyway .... I'm in Canada as I speak !!
In the fabulous apartment Josh set up for us !
God did it feel good finally being with him again, seeing his face !
I think I've cuddled and kissed him non-stop since I got here.
He put together a 'Welcome to Canuckia ' package which was all layed out on the dresser when we got back to the apartment. My eyes did not know where to look first !
There was a babushka doll set, a BIG bottle of Tresor perfume , shower gel and body cream ( my favourite perfume ) which also came with a gift make up bag full of makeup and another perfume etc. There were tickets to the Joss Stone concert this June , tickets to Mamma Mia, a gift card to La Senza (lingerie) , bottles of wine from the places we're going to visit on the way back to Aus next March (one from Spain, one from Italy ) packaged together with pink champagne and ice wine on a silver platter tray, yummy chocolates from The Ultimate Truffle store, a cd of music he made for me, Body Shop gift sets filled with massage oil, their Sugar and Spice products and more.A subway and street directory. There was a bunch of Cara Lily's and white roses in a glass vase on the kitchen bench ......
I got spoiled ROTTEN ! Talk about bowl a girl over !
The best part though was being with him again...it felt like a dream.
We've spent pretty much every moment together, bar today because he had to go to work.We've gone out on REAL dates and sickened subway commuters by endless smooching and puppy-dog eye'sing each other on the train and allllll that gooey stuff.
It snowed the second morning here and I ran outside in my pj's to catch snowflakes. What ?! I've never seen snow FALL before so I was excited *wink*.

Met one of Josh's best friends ,Annette, on Saturday and then went to his family's house on Sunday for dinner. I was nervous both times but they're awesome ppl so it was great.
Went for a job interview yesterday but I was so nervous and had such a bad case of dry-mouth-itus that I walked outta the interview cringing at myself lol. Bad thing is , though , is that Josh and his mum are patients at this place ( its a chiropractic clinic in downtown Toronto )and have been selling me hard to this guy and that pretty much meant that the job should be in the bag for me right....so if I dont get it how lame is that ?
Lol.

Anyway, I'm writing a book here yet again so I shall shut up for the time being.

See ya soon !

Signed - Lovesick in Toronto

The Arrow Totin Cherub ...

...has alighted amongst us earthbound pigeons once again and wreaked much mushy havoc with his cheeky arrow-shootin ways.

Yes , the mischievous, winged one had a field day on the day of lurrrrrve , Valentines Day.
Boyfriends / husbands around the globe are either being given the silent treatment right now ( "....but baby-honey-sweetheart-lightofmylife , Valentines Day is just such commercialised rubbish , I show you my love in OTHER ways...I'm HERE arent I ....?! " ) or have dusted off their Prince Charming suits stowed under the bed and are currently enjoying the attentions from their Cinderella -turned- nymphomaniac.

I got red rosssssssssses from my boy !

He had them delivered to my workplace and they're gorgeous ( and yeah if I was with him right now he'd be getting the full Cinderella ....oh TMI ).

Babe , ya the best boofriend in the world and I love you madly !

Aside from the brief lil V-Day report , I booked my round-the-world ticket~a~licket two weeks ago. Going to Toronto just feels so much more REAL now. Countdown has begun ; today marks 43 days until I get to be with J.
My eyes and the calender have become close friends and tango on a daily basis.
But still , every day I get up out of bed and curse the clock for insisting its 'get up for work ' time , for not giving me extra zzzzz time and I sleepily walk trance-like into the bathroom and realise ; as tired as I am ....I'm another day closer to J.

Dunno if I've mentioned this yet , its been awhile since I've written an entry in soulsjuice but J has moved into what will be OUR new apartment and I've seen photos of it ! It looks and sounds greattttt ! He wont show me the apt now that he's moved furniture into it and layed everything out , done it up etc but thats fine ...I love surprises. Its just another thing to look forward to seeing once I get there.

Anyhoo , I'ma jet.
Once I'm in Toronto and settled and so forth I will be probably making more entries in here. Lately , I've been so 'unsettled ' and in the strangest sort of limbo since I've moved that I havent been interested in the net. My head is full of work , tryin to get more work , trying to get enough money together to head over to Toronto with , missing J , already missing my family ( even though I havent left Melbourne yet .....) and all the stuff in between.

I know I'm gonna blub like a baby at the airport , sayin bye to my fam.

Congrats Zach & Jess !!

A gorgeous & lovely couple , Zach & Jess , just got engaged !

I know Zach from The Photo Forum and Jess recently joined as well.

Zachs proposal : story & pics

Gotta be THE most romantic and creative proposal I've heard of yet !!
I'm tres impressed AggieMan , YO ! ;)

Congratulmalations you two !

No ones perfect ... but two people can be perfect together.... :)

Got it !

Ok the good news I was talkin about in the previous post ....

I got my Canadian Work Visa !!!!

* Much dancing around goofily *

Today I was pretty stressed out , it was another hot day and I was bothered ra ra ra....

Ya know when ya get so stressed out that you feel your stomach all knotted up and your insides feel like they're on fire ...? That's been me lately , especially today.By lunchtime I hadnt eaten all day and started getting stomach cramps so I forced a toasted sandwhich down.


About to knock off from my full time day job and go to the next job. Working tonight ....with a not-very-pleasant person ....
Its been a long day and I have to keep reminding myself to calm down , take deep breaths and keep focusing on the end of March and finally getting on that plane.
I need to spend more time with my family too , in the meantime , because I'm gonna miss them like crazy.

Rain has started to fall on this hot day and I just went outside and stood in it , letting the cool raindrops soothe me somewhat and tame that lil stressball of fire in my belly .... it felt niccccccccce.

This entry is a lil all over the place ...
Ah well .... some days I dont make sense at all ....

Busy Girly Bee

Yeah , I've been neglecting my lil blog space in www-land lately.
I moved on the 11th of January and am now sleeping in my sisters living room ( oh joy non-personal space ! ).
Yes I now have to sleep in full pyjama's - top AND bottoms.
Which is a bit o'a pain in the royal butt because Melbourne's currently enjoying a heatwave.
Today , for example , is 35 degrees celcius and tomorrow is going to be 37 C ( 95 degrees Farenheit and 98 F , respectively , for you Americans out there ).

We have the Australian Open on in Melbourne at the mo and all I can say is tennis players are definately earning those bucks playing in this heat. If the rest of us is hot , take a moment to consider that centre court is a substantial amount of degrees hotter...

Speakin of tennis ......

Aussie , Aussie , Aussie , Oi , Oi , Oi !!!

Alicia Molik Eclipses Venus

Hewitt beats Nadal

My dad also landed himself back into hospital last week. Turns out the papa has been neglective of his medication.
He had collapsed in the backyard of his property in Queensland and was unresponsive for at least an hour.
An ambulance rushed him to the hospital and plenty of fuss and worry was made amongst family members.
His reply was to come to conciousness in ER and promptly ask for KFC.
Grrrr smacks have been reserved for daddio.

Other then all that , I havent had a lot of time for online venturing other then the occassional peek in The Photo Forum. I dont have the net set up at my sisters and I have been working two jobs.
Busy Busy Busy....

Oh and I have some good news but I really gotta run to the second job now so I'll report back tomorrow.

Ciao for now kiddies ! * waves *

Letters

Whilst packing the last of my belongings tonight , I came across a treasure trove piled in a basket.
Sat down and wandered down memory lane awhile.
Old photos of myself with friends , ex b/f's , some of my family , some of myself as a baby/young girl...
Birthday cards that I've kept ( yes I keep em all , they dont get chucked lol ).
Then letters.
Letters from my nan , my mum , Lisa...




I've just been sitting here reading all of them ...smiling and laughing at certain lines scrawled across the pages.
Then I started reading the last of the letters from nan and eventually some tears replaced the laughter.
I sat and thought about her and thought silently " I miss you so much nan ....".

Sometimes its almost as if I go through my days thinking she's still around , even though I know shes gone. Then I'm stopped suddenly and reminded of standing beside her open casket , my warm hand holding her cold hand , my fingers stroking her hand just like the way she used to do with mine when we held hands. Gazing at her for the longest time , thinking ...
" She looks so different , thats not my nana..."
Then I leant down in that noisy crowded funeral parlour room and kissed her softly on her forehead and whispered " Bye for now nana , love you...".
And a tear dripped down from my eye , landing on her cheek.
Appearing as though it was her own tear.
No goodbyes in this world can make your heart and deepest corners of your soul ache so badly like this kind of goodbye.

Heres a piece of writing she included in one of her letters...

' A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam
and for the briefest moment the glory and the beauty belong to our world.
But then it flies off again and , though we wish it could have stayed...
we feel so lucky to have seen it ........'

That butterfly , my darling , beautiful nan , was you.

I love you.


I wrote a 'letter' to her a few years ago here

Trinkets In Boxes

Mum and Mal ( the M&M's ) phoned me at work before lunch , announcing they would be at my place in a few hours , with a trailor , to grab all my larger bits of furniture.
My head was filled with stress already so I was like " Arghhh , I havent got things really ready " !
They tried callin me last night but couldnt reach me and today was really the only day they could come down to do this.
I was grateful I have them to help me though.
I locked up the office during my lunchbreak and ran across the road to my place to organise what stuff was going with them today. Carted things downstairs.
Went back to work afterwards and tried to get in touch with Grace , the real estate agent , only to find shes away on leave. Spoke to an Emmanuel instead and worked out remaining rent to be paid ( for this week ) and getting my bond back etc.
Then paid a shitload of bills , dipping into travel funds to do it.
That was fun lol.
Came home after work and really got stuck into packing away all the little trinkets and belongings I have accumulated over the years.
Beauty products that sit on a shelf , ignored. Books I have read once and stuck in a bookcase. Salt Water Taffey from Ocean City Maryland. Stattuettes given on Xmas's past.
You get my drift.
Tryin to decide what to sell at a garage sale , what to send ahead of me to Toronto.What to give to my mum and sisters....
I'll look at something and think " I want to take that with me to Toronto " then I'll force myself to pack it in the 'Not coming with me ' box.
Even stuff that isnt of sentimental value , like a box of never-used Mikasa wine glasses or the like , I would take with me for my apartment in Toronto if it wasnt so expensive to ship over there.
Have a stackload of junk destined for the tip too.

Every time the mail arrives at work I hope that one of those letters is a letter saying I've gotten the work visa.
Gettin a second job to save the money I realllllly realllllly need to save for the trip is one of the 'stress' issues. The second is getting that visa.
Then theres campin out in my sisters living room for the next 9 or so weeks , the longer commute to work and the getting home at midnight and gettin up at 5 am every morning ( if I'm lucky to score a second job )....

And I'll stop now before I really turn this into a 'pity party ' and start gettin stressed up over it all again , like I was earlier today...

It was just one of those days where I'm lettin everything crowd on top of me. In the grand scheme of things these things are tiny. I'm sure there are many ppl who would swap their greater troubles with my tiny , minute ones in a nanosecond.

Time

Warped day , felt both down and stressed inside.
Bad case of Mondayitus on a Tuesday.

Can so relate to these lyrics sometimes.


'Time '- Pink Floyd

Ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
You fritter and waste the hours in an offhand way.
Kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
Waiting for someone or something to show you the way.

Tired of lying in the sunshine , staying home to watch the rain.
You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today.
And then one day you find ten years have got behind you.
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun.

So you run and you run to catch up with the sun but it's sinking
Racing around to come up behind you again.
The sun is the same in a relative way but you're older,
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death.

Every year is getting shorter never seem to find the time.
Plans that either come to nought or half a page of scribbled lines
Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way
The time is gone, the song is over,
Thought I'd something more to say.


Yeah thats how I feel some days .....

I Know....

... this will freak my babe out .....

In the year 2005 I resolve to: Getting knocked up...twice. Get your resolution here

Looks like I'ma be a busy girly this year ....

Its a New Years Resolution random generator. Go see what ya get.

Fun At The Supermarket.

Song Playing : ' Unfinished Sympathy ' - Massive Attack

A slightly scary incident , healthwise , occurred about two hours ago.
I posted this on TPF, so I'll just copy and paste from that.

I almost passed out at the bloody supermarket !!

I got back home grateful that I managed the walk back.

I was standin flickin through magazines when I started to feel lightheaded and began to have trouble breathing.
So I joined the checkout queue ( behind a guy who had a packed trolley load of groceries ) and it just got worse.
I put my bag down and gripped the ledge and concentrated on breathing but every breath I took just felt hopeless : felt like the oxygen just wasnt reaching my lungs.
All it seemed to do was enter my mouth before blowing back out instaneously.
All accompanied with a 'nice' cold sweat , as a garnish.

My vision started blurring and the room started spinning increasingly faster and I silently willed/pleaded that the checkout chick hurry with the guy in front of me because I was struggling hard to hold onto consiousness and felt like I was gonna lose it any second.

Finally she got to me , as I continued to grip the counter to stop from swaying.
She musta thought " Geeze , another druggie " LOL !

Somehow , miraculously , I didnt pass out and made it outside into the fresh air , where I sat on the curb beside the road and put my head between my knees.
After about half an hour two very nice ppl stopped , out of concern , and asked me if I wanted water etc ...but by that time I was feelin better.

Blame myself for the incident though.
Reason being , I gave up smokin almost two years ago and basically lead a healthy lifestyle ; dont smoke , healthy diet , dont drink a lot of alcohol and I was working out regularly.

Alas in the last two weeks , over Xmas/New Years , I have been smokin and drinkin , and not keeping my fitness routine up at all.

When J was here I pinched a few ciggarettes , here and there , from him thinkin
" I'll be right , its only a couple , I wont take it up again ".

Uh no .... silly me went and bought a couple of packets over the holidays. And I only have myself to blame for that.
I had already resolved to go back to no-smokin tomorrow so this happening today has made this resolve stronger....

My body served me a nice little reminder eh ...eek !

My lungs are definately hurting already , so I feel the difference , physically , between the states of smoking vs no smoking.

One of the members from TPF , after voicing his concern , joked that he wouldnt have bothered going to the check-out. That he would rather pass out and cause a scene lol.

My reply : Passing out woulda been embarrassing LOL !

" Oh there goes the girl who passes out in supermarkets. The least she can do is pass out somewhere classier ! Such a commoner " !

Another Year Passes...

.... into the slowly fading realm of yesteryears.

HAPPY NEW YEARRRRRRRRR !!!

2005 has a wonderful ring to it :)

Hope ya all had a great night , whatever you ended up doin.

May you all be happy and safe.

Great Ocean Road.

Just got some photos online from J's and my trip down the Great Ocean Road whilst he was here in Australia.

The J-Man




My friend Scott slippin his girlfriend Melissa the sly tongue lol.
Get a room !





Scott & Mel again.




We visited a berry farm in Timboon and went a-berry-pickin. For every berry I picked , I ate another one heh.
One for the baskettttt , one for my mouthhhhh mmmmm.



J again.



Our Berry Loot !